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who runs the house....the sd or the husband....what happend to me yesterday

tryingtomakeit's picture

Submitted by tryingtomakeit on Tue, 07/19/2011 - 12:43pm

So, my sd is wanting Netflix at our house and this is how my husband handles it.

We were in the car yesterday, sd in the back seat and he asks me what my thoughts are on getting netflix. I told him, to be honest, I didnt think we needed it. He then proceeds to tell me that he had seen a wonderful commercial about it and (heres the real reason) the sd had it at her mothers house. This is when the sd chimed in and started telling me all about the movies she had been watching. (Im thinking to myself, hell thats all we need is her laid up on the couch all day in the living room watching movies at least no she is confined to her bedroom.)

I stood my ground....I asked him when did he start watching movies because he is not a tv watcher at all. It does sound like a good deal, but to be honest I DONT want no more bills. And I sure dont want it because the sd doesnt do anything now she sure will be a leach if she has Netflix.

Its just so irritateing because if I had mentioned Netflix he would have shot it down, but becasue she did and she has it at her moms he is afraid he is loosing his daughter. Ive never in my life. But, until he ups and acts like a man and helps me pay bills (he does provide) but doesnt help pay the actual bills Im not taking on another bill I have to worry about.

Comments

the_stepmonster's picture

Submitted by the_stepmonster on Tue, 07/19/2011 - 1:02pm

If her mother has an account she can get her mother's login information and watch till her heart's content. You are allowed to have up to five devices sharing one account.

Auteur's picture

Submitted by Auteur on Tue, 07/19/2011 - 1:16pm

Methinks the BM will NOT agree to that.

SO. . .

Suggest this idea (props to the_stepmonster) to DH and watch the sparks fly.

Then say: "If the BM really cared about SD, she'd provide her login info; after all, it's FOR SD. . ."

I know what you're saying though. Just what you need. SD being MORE like a couch potato!!

DH is most likely competing with his own wallet via CS so that's the old "keeping up with disney BM" crap.

Auteur's picture

Submitted by Auteur on Tue, 07/19/2011 - 1:46pm

I believe that you are once again jumping to conclusions. This is the scenario AFTER DH asks the BM and the BM flat out says NO WAY!

And no where do I make mention that this conversation takes place in front of SD, did I?

This conversation would be between SM and DH after DH has asked BM and BM has said "NO!"

aggravated1's picture

Submitted by aggravated1 on Tue, 07/19/2011 - 2:03pm

I don't see where it's a bad line of reasoning. Stepmoms get told every day we need to suck it up for the "good of the kid." What makes the BM so damn special?? If this is said as a conversation between the stepmom and the dad ONLY, what is the problem with it?

As A BM, SMofknowitall, would you recommend that stepmoms also have to police private conversations with their husbands now??
LOL-I will get right on that.

B22S22's picture

Submitted by B22S22 on Tue, 07/19/2011 - 1:32pm

I hate to hear anything that has the phrase "well, that's the way it is at BM's house" attached to it. This is MY house. And I've made that statement to both skids AND DH.

Nat 64's picture

Submitted by Nat 64 on Tue, 07/19/2011 - 1:37pm

Netflix is changing the rates as of Sept 1st. Try that tactic. She can watch it on an Itouch BM's account. I know how you feel. My SD loves to blast stupid movies, spread across my couch so I can't use my living room!

purpledaisies's picture

Submitted by purpledaisies on Tue, 07/19/2011 - 2:24pm

We get that it is not that great of an idea to get passwords but enough already we get it!!! GEEZ

As for the netflix i'd have to ay no too. If she wants to watch a movie she can earn the money to rent one. That is how I would do it for any of our kids. As a matter of fact the boys wanted to rent a game and I gave them an option on how to earn the money and they took it and rented the game! It a privilege not a right! Making them earn the right to watch a movie or any other activity they want to do is teaching them life lessons. Don't just hand it to them.

ThatGirl's picture

Submitted by ThatGirl on Tue, 07/19/2011 - 2:55pm

Exactly! SS13 wanted Netflix, and he got it. How he signed up and pays for it is beyond me (don't you need a credit card?). I reclaimed my living room by removing the TV from it, so he watches movies from his room through his XBox.

tryingtomakeit's picture

Submitted by tryingtomakeit on Tue, 07/19/2011 - 2:48pm

Thank you all for your wonderful comments. This helps me see that my initial thinking was right on track.

My whole problem with her getting Netflix is because she doesnt do a darn thing now, but lay on her bed and chat on the computer(father lets her do this....I will not allow this with my child). If she gets netflix she sure will be infront of the big tv in the living room all freaking day and I will not put up with that one!

jojo68's picture

Submitted by jojo68 on Tue, 07/19/2011 - 3:04pm

I only wish my Sd would like to watch TV in her room...or play games...talk on the phone...have some privacy...but no...she would rather roll around on the floor in the living room usually being loud or hugging, laying all over and telling daddy "luv you daddy" more than 10 times in about an hours time and buggin him to buy her this or that or take her here or there constantly until she goes to sleep.

Mothers Milk's picture

Submitted by Mothers Milk on Tue, 07/19/2011 - 5:06pm

WOW! New to this site but it sounds like you guys really don't care much for your steps. My husband is an amazing step father. If I ever heard him refer to my kid as a brat he would be out on his ear. I can only imagine how hurt he would be if I were to refer to his kids as brats as well.

purpledaisies's picture

Submitted by purpledaisies on Tue, 07/19/2011 - 5:13pm

Mothers milk I will not refer to my skids as brats either nor would my dh refer to mine as brats. However some people really have it bad with their dh's not being parents or having respect for their wives or making their kids have respect. That is where most of these ladies are coming from. Their dh's will let their kids lie steal and be mean calling their wives nasty names even be physical with them and they will do nothing to their kids but instead say it is their wives fault.

Mothers Milk's picture

Submitted by Mothers Milk on Tue, 07/19/2011 - 5:30pm

You will never win over the children allmitchell. I seriously do not see where you are being held hostage. And this 7 year old probably does think you are mean to her. You dont't want anything to do with this child and I am pretty sure she is picking up on it. You, however are the adult and 7 year olds throw tantrums.

Once it's gotten to the "I want to stuff her in a closet" stage your relationship with both the kid AND her dad is not going to last long. You need to understand that most parents adore their children and if they even suspect that you don't adore them as well then you are toast.

Have you considered family counseling?

aggravated1's picture

Submitted by aggravated1 on Tue, 07/19/2011 - 6:08pm

You are wrong. I have two teenagers that I love to death, but I don't expect everyone else to love them. That is a little demented, don't you think?

poisonivy's picture

Submitted by poisonivy on Tue, 07/19/2011 - 6:04pm

"You need to understand that most parents adore their children and if they even suspect that you don't adore them as well then you are toast."

Skid-worship much?

Guess I'm toast....lol.

RB's picture

Submitted by RB on Tue, 07/19/2011 - 6:06pm

Say "NO!" and stand your ground. You have to, because if you don't, she will be running your house (and her dad) forever. I raised 3 SD's and 1 SS and if you don't stand your ground now she will be walking all over you and your DH and, by the way, she will be enjoying it and you and your DH will be miserable. I learned the hard way, but why should you have to learn that way?

Mothers Milk's picture

Submitted by Mothers Milk on Tue, 07/19/2011 - 6:15pm

What you need to understand is that the "birth mother" of which I am one did not give her child up for adoption. She is the MOTHER. You married the DAD. At the end of the day the decisions regarding THEIR children are between them. You get a suggestion but no SAY.

I would not presume to get in the middle of what my husband and his ex decide for their children and my husband would not presume to interfere with how my ex husband and I handle our kid.

You would think that all natural mothers were crazy bitches. Maybe she is just a bitch to you.

I have the best stepmother to my kid. She loves my son and does not get involved when my ex and I go fist to cuffs. His previous girlfriend? Yeah, I gave her hell because she thought she knew what was better for my kid than me. Nothing is going to make a mother go "back off bitch" faster than an oversteppin' step.

Seriously? you are barking up the wrong tree. If things are not going the way you think they should go you need to address that with your husband. That step kid or yours is a toddler so you have no clue how mommy parents other than what your husband tells you. If mommy dearest is dating a drug dealer why isn't your husband taking action?

aggravated1's picture

Submitted by aggravated1 on Tue, 07/19/2011 - 6:18pm

See? you just proved us all right. You are a trolling BM who THOUGHT she was going to tell us that we all suck. All you proved was you have a potty mouth and a Stepmom jealousy complex.

Mothers Milk's picture

Submitted by Mothers Milk on Tue, 07/19/2011 - 6:23pm

Umm no. I have been married for 5 years to my current husband. My relationship with my husband was even more convoluted and difficult because my husband was still married when we met. My marriage is the result of me having an affair with a married man and all that that entails in a bust.

Troll? No. Try again. Step parenting is hard and we have to be the adults. How old are you anyway?

purpledaisies's picture

Submitted by purpledaisies on Tue, 07/19/2011 - 6:31pm

Mother's milk I was nice to you. I was the nicest person to my dh;s ex and I NEVER EVER told them what to do with their kids. I NEVER EVER presumed that I knew better then she did over her kids nor did I EVER try to be their mom. However I still got the crazy bm all over me and my kids even calling cps and the police and also trying to say that my kid molested her kid. I got shit on. I hate bm for what she out my kids through. That is the tip of the ice burg for what we went through, I even hate her for what she did to her own kids.

I know that most of these women here did the very same thing and got shit on just like I did. The only difference is that my dh refused to let my skids disrespect me and he set boundaries with his ex. It took a few years but he did it. Most of these ladies are dealing with their dh and their skids that are disrespecting them and being their shittiest to them.

But for you to come on here and just presume that all step moms are evil without knowing the whole story is wrong.

joanie's picture

Submitted by joanie on Tue, 07/19/2011 - 6:44pm

netflix allows you t make two usernamez and passwords under one account. my room mate and I did this for a while. my account password wasn't needed for him to sign in.

if she really wants netflix, have her ask bm to set up a secondary username on her account. simple solutions.

no bill for you, no password sharing for them.

anabihibik's picture

Submitted by anabihibik on Tue, 07/19/2011 - 6:52pm

If it is going to impact your finances, I absolutely believe you have a say. It really isn't up to BM what goes on in your house. It is none of her business. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise.

Mothers Milk's picture

Submitted by Mothers Milk on Tue, 07/19/2011 - 6:58pm

joanie et all...give it a rest. I am a step mother to 2 wonderful girls. @Purple? You seem unhinged. Not every step kid (and that term skids just sucks) is rotten. If your step children are rotten it is 50% your husband's fault.

There is no love lost between those children's mother and me. My husband has the respect of his children and they may not love me but they do not disrespect me.

aggravated1's picture

Submitted by aggravated1 on Tue, 07/19/2011 - 7:03pm

"There is no love lost between those children's mother and me"

Ya think??????? LOL. I can't imagine why, you are so charming. Well that, and you slept with her husband. }:)

RB's picture

Submitted by RB on Tue, 07/19/2011 - 8:26pm

Tryingtomakeit, hang in there. Seriously, hold your ground. You would do this with your own children as well, and yes, contrary to MothersMilk's comments, you do have say about what goes on in your household. Don't let anyone tell you different. As long as you are fair and consistent things will go well. Treat all the kids the same whether they are yours or his. Men deal with a lot of guilt when it comes to their kids and being with a woman that is not their children's mother. Also, when my DH and I and all the SK's were going to family counceling (4 SK's) the psychologist informed me that the kids would always lash out at me because I was the closest thing to their mother they had (their BM kicked them all out of her house-the house she got in the divorce)and that even though their anger was at her, I was there. The psychologist has been correct as far as I can tell. Kids know how to use every tool in the box to their advantage, too and love to play one parent against the other. Just imagine, your SD has dad to manipulate, her BM and you. I wish you much luck. Hold your ground!

rancherswife's picture

Submitted by rancherswife on Tue, 07/19/2011 - 9:19pm

mothersmilk-

don"t know how old your skids are, but I can't wait till they shit on you like everyone else's skids do-and as far as sleeping with another womans husband-Karma will BITE YOU IN THE ASS!!!!! }:)

RB's picture

Submitted by RB on Wed, 07/20/2011 - 12:46pm

Rancherswife, your comments are exactly what I was thinking about Mothersmilk's comments.

Thanks you! Smile

purpledaisies's picture

Submitted by purpledaisies on Wed, 07/20/2011 - 1:44pm

Mothers milk I want to say one thing and that is I have won over the kids thank you very much. Mine and my dh's priority is our marriage over our kids. Yep you read right. We make sure we are ok and out each otehr first not our kids and they are happy and healthy go figure.

As a matter of fact my skids have commented on how great we are for each other and love coming here to see a great relationship.

Now that doesn't mean we don't pay attention to the kids b/c we do but we do not put them before each other. Their needs are met and so are a lot of their wants.

It just means that the kids do to rule the house nor are they allowed to treated like an adult and they have to have respect and if they don't they are punished.

KIDS DO NOT COME FIRST THE MARRIAGE DOES!! Like it supposed to be. Even god said the marriage comes first.