Update on the stupid phone situation.
SD7 came for her summer visit with the phone as promised. My DH always picks her up alone because I don't want anything to do with BM or her crazy mom. 10 minutes into the drive to our hotel, SD had already made and received 5 phone calls! She was so excited about the phone, what little girl wouldn't be? We had a long drive, over 10 hours to our state, so DH and I decided to let her have free reign of the phone during the trip. BIG MISTAKE. That first day there were 48 freaking phone calls made and received, between BM, BM's mom, BM's sister, and BM's boyfriend. 48 phone calls! Every time she talks to BM it's a damn interrogation. We listen as SD details everything she has to eat for every meal, where we've been, what we've done, what she's wearing, etc. There's nothing wrong with BM wanting to know what her daughter is up to but she grills her every time!
To make matters worse, SD left her cell phone charger in the hotel room the very first day. I never even saw the charger, but she dumped her whole backpack out as soon as she got there and we must have overlooked it. She told BM as soon as we figured it out and the phone calls became even more ridiculous. Over and over calls from BM, each time grilling her about that stupid charger. BM sent DH an email, accusing him of purposely losing it. If we were going to lose something purposely, it would have been that fucking cell phone! Sorry about the language, but BM has just really pissed me off.
Every time BM calls, we hear SD say things like "Don't be sad Mommy." or "I'll be home soon, I miss you too." The "I miss you too" and "I love you too." is said a minimum of 5-6 times every single phone call. The 2nd day, BM called and told SD that she was so distraught that she was gone, that she slept in her bed and cried herself to sleep while holding her stuffed animals. WTF? Who tells a 7 year old, who loves her very much, that she is that upset? The only time SD has looked like she isn't happy is when she gets off of the phone with her mother. BM is trying to guilt her and it pisses me off. It's not the first time she's been away from SD, but it's the first time in a while since she waged the ridiculous custody battle.
SD is only 7, it is inevitable that she is going to miss her mother and her primary home. Why make her feel worse about it? If it were my child I would be encouraging her to have fun, and that everything would be okay, not making her worry. Now we have made the rule that SD can use her phone once in the morning and evening if she wants to talk to her mom, but not the all day crap that they were pulling this weekend. If the PAS shit continues we are going to take it away completely and BM will only be allowed to call once a day on DH's phone. It's going to be a long month!
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Comments
Why does a 7 year old get to
Why does a 7 year old get to have their own cell phone?
That's a good question! I am
That's a good question! I am very against the cell phone, and we were only given a one day notice before we got SD for the rest of the summer. It's the first time that SD has been to our state for an extended visit and I am trying to be patient enough to let her use it because she does miss her mom. It's too bad her mom is hell bent on making her daughter feel guilty or uncomfortable, rather than encouraging her to enjoy her time with us.
When skids were 5 and 7, they
When skids were 5 and 7, they had a cell that BM gave them so they could call 'daddy' and 'mommy' when they were at the other parents' home. On visitation days, we would take the phone and put it away until it was time tot ake them back to BM. Now, they don't even bring it with them. That's a lot of responsibility for a 7 year old.
It's way too much
It's way too much responsibility for a little girl! I admire you for taking it away when they are with you, I'm working on growing the balls to do that. We have been through so much with BM lying about DH and making him out to be an abusive asshole that we are worried about being too harsh. I know that everyone will say we need to suck it up, but we are working on it. I have been taking the phone from her room and putting it in the kitchen, so she doesn't hear the calls or texts, and then I give it to her at night when she calls her mom.
We always took the phone away
We always took the phone away when SD was out of control with it. You need some boundaries in place otherwise this will be the norm...
Take it away like you
Take it away like you have-only ONCE a day-and that if you start noticing grilling from bm or excessive sentiments you will cut the conversation short.
I'm dreading when SD gets her phone this year supposedly...
What kind of BM does this? the crazy kind. I do not contact the kids-never have-when they are with dad-his time...no excessive greetings, departures...but then I'm normal.
Sorry-I'd nip this in the bud real quick
I think it's great that you
I think it's great that you allow your kids to feel comfortable around their dad! A good mother does that, and the excessive greeting and departure is always an issue with drop off and pick ups of SD. I don't have any problem with BM calling once a day, but she is obviously working hard to make sure she is on SD's mind every second of every day.
I have my fingers crossed
I have my fingers crossed that something happens to it Foxie! DH wants to mess with the phone, but I don't feel like getting blamed for it. It is a prepaid phone and she called me at work today to talk. I have a feeling he encouraged her to so that her minutes would run out. She has unlimited talk and text to her mom, Gma, aunt, and BM's boy toy of course.
We always took the phone away
We always took the phone away too. you do not have to let her have it. In our case one of the boys had lost a phone while they were with us and bm accused my son of stealing it. Whatever. But anyway dh told her no more phones and she refused to listen so he took the away after calling our lawyer and she said he could.
After about a month they stopped coming with them. lol
It is just a way to make the kid feel guilty for leaving and having fun and whatever the case maybe. The point is that the bm is using it to control things.
I told DH to put a call into
I told DH to put a call into his lawyer,and see what she thinks he should do. I know that legally we have to let SD talk to BM once a day because it's in the CO, but there is no reason that we have to be responsible for her own personal cell phone. BM wants the control of forcing herself into SD's brain all hours of the day, which really pisses me off.That bitch needs to get a life!
And why on earth is bm's bf
And why on earth is bm's bf calling the skid anyways???
My bf never calls my kids when they are at his dads, as I said, neither do I. I certainly don't call his D when she's at her moms...and she still doesn't have a cell-I highly doubt I ever will when she DOES have her phone. The BM is a controlling witch that is using her family as an extension to alienate the girl from her father and induce guilt. It is sick.
I've seen the side effects of a mom who does this-she badmouthed my friend (the NCdad) to his kids-he ended up moving a few states away to go on with his life. The kids have a very bad relationship w/him (up and down) one has been in/out of rehab, associated with gangs, just overall a mess...then younger is a bit better but not by far. Do these "women" not realize how they hurt their kids by doing this? Our bm does this to SD-bad mouths my bf all the time. Disgusting. Cut the phone short now. Combat this with fire IMO (at least your bf should).
Thank you overit! The BF who
Thank you overit! The BF who who BM moved in with her kids after only knowing him for 2 months, calls her and sends "I love you" texts to SD7. It's crazy. Her own dad probably won't ever send her "I love you" texts! BM likes to rub her boyfriends in DH's face, she's always done it. She sends photos of just SD and the BF in them, just to make him jealous that yet another man is spending time with his daughter. He just laughs about it. He's used to other men being around his child, he came to terms a long time ago with the fact that his ex is a whore!
DH is badmouthed constantly by BM's entire family. The effects are very obvious in the way that SD treats him. She can be very disrespectful to him, but she acts like an angel around me. PAS is so obvious, and you do make a great point that we need to deal with this phone situation before it just gets worse.
Gigi according to my dh's
Gigi according to my dh's lawyer as long as dh has a phone and he lets the kids call their mom once a day he does not have to let the kids have a phone of their own. AS LONG AS THEY HAVE ACCESS TO A PHONE! No big deal. My dh took their phones, turned them off, and put them on the frige till we left to take them home. If she wanted to talk to the boys she could call dh;s phone and dh will tell the boys your mom wants to talk to you but he would only do that one time a day! All other calls were ignored. We have to keep his phone on while on vac as all our kids are old enough to do things on their own and they call us from my kids phones.
However now that the boys are older they do have their own phones and they turn them off themselves b/c heir mom calls and texts constantly and they have grown to hate it. But when on vac they too ignore her.
I think that since she is 7 your dh needs to take the phone turn it off and put it up til she goes home. If bm calls let her talk once a day to her and if she is getting sd upset cut the call. If you do that every time and do not back down it should stop or if she doesn't like tell her to take him back to court. I am willing to bet the judge will not like the bm calling all day and night.
We put the phone up last
We put the phone up last night. DH received a nasty email from BM yesterday about the stupid phone, and that was enough to piss him off. SD has only been with us for 5 days and the bullshit has already begun!
SD11 got a phone at the same
SD11 got a phone at the same age and I think it was absolutely ridiculous. While SD is here the phone is on the counter and she is not to go in her room and shut the door to use it. If we feel she is on it too long with BM we tell her to get off of it. She and her mother use it as a way to manipulate and find out what is going on in MY house. I don't think SD is old enough, nor mature enough, or responsible enough to have a cell phone. If she were my kid no way in HELL would she have a phone. Call me old fashioned, but I don't believe in kids having the same pleasures and luxuries as adults. When they get a job and have their own money and can afford such items then they can have it and reap the consequences of their use on their own. Just my opinion and how I will raise my children.
I feel the same way about
I feel the same way about going in her room and shutting the door. Every human being deserves privacy, but how much privacy could a child possibly need? I never would have bought her a cell phone.