Good for you....and keep on doing it.....do you know her email address, I would sign her up on local apartment finder sites, so she gets updates weekly, sent straight to her !!!!! Or get her on local mailing lists....
If the idiot she is dating has that sort of money, why doesn't HE set her up in a little place, their own little lovenest ????
How on earth are you going to last another 2 years ??!!??

Stick to your guns!! Your step daughter isn't a child anymore she is an adult with a child of her own and needs to step up and take responsibility and not leave you and her mother to care for the baby. If you keep enabling her she will never move out of your house!! SHe should just buy some stretch mark cream and call it a day. Her wanting that type of expensive procedure and the man she is dating paying for it is really saying something about their priorities..

At the very least, no more babysitting! I can o ly imagine how angry you must have been when you found out the nature of her Dr. appointment!

My daughter came home from a failed relationship that begat my oldest GD (now 4 yrs old)at 19. 19 months later she was on her feet and ready to move on with her life with GD in tow.

She is now married and expecting another child.

2 yrs is generous and do-able. If your DW thinks you are 'throwing her out' she is being hysterical. But she may also be worried that her daughter is not as good a mother as she would want and needs you 2 around to pick up her slack.

And really, remind your DW that if her BF can afford stretchmark procedures he can afford an apartment for her.

"she's just not used to living on her own"

WTF??!!

"she's just not used to: (insert phrase)"

-going without a pacifier
-going without a bottle
-sleeping in her crib alone
-going to school
-brushing her teeth
-going to the dentist

UGH!

I'm wondering whether I would WARN the young man getting involved with this toddler in an adult's body?

Hi frustratedstepdad...

I've checked out your situation a little bit and I have to admit there is some selfish intent being that I'm struggling with my own husband's frustration towards my, what I would like to call, permissive parenting.

In my experience as a mama, I've realized that sometimes I see it differently.

My husband sees my kiddo as lazy, dumb, and intolerable.

I see him as unmotivated, not working to his full potential, and stubborn.

I'm not sure who has it right.

Boundary work in a marriage isn't about getting the other person to shift their perception to your own. Your wife isn't ever going to look at her daughter and see what you see. No more then will I ever open my eyes to an idea where I would ever deem my kiddo as intolerable. I love him, he is my son and is very much a product of who I've helped him to become. Like your wife,it is I who has helped creat this monster and each time my husband screams in his direction, I can't help but feel responsible, guilty - and angry.

Boundaries are about you and what you won't allow in your life. You also can't mold the people around you to be some sort of version of who you want them to be. Your SD is who she is and your expectations of who you think she ought to be is what is driving you apeshit crazy. Not her.

I know you're here to vent... but I think within the confines of your home, someone has to lay down the combative tactics in order to find peace.

You have a right to be angry when you were asked to watch her kiddo while she gets elective treatments. I have to ask why such attachment to what she is doing while you babysit? Perhaps make it more conducive to you when you will and will not babysit. i.e. "I'll only watch him with two hours notice" or "I'll only watch him before 10:00 pm" or "If I'm too tired, I won't watch him" or "If I'm babysitting for her luxury, then I expect to be paid"....

I also wonder if you two had a good time?

However, if you react with passive agressive techniques like buying apartment books - you will be met with hositility and defensiveness. It becomes a cycle of conflict where resolution could very well be in the loss of your own marriage...

If your SD absolutely is hell bent on being a loser - and mom seems to be defending her incessantly? My best advice is to do just as she she suggests... let her fully endure her daughter all on her own. When she comes boo-hooing to you about what a brat she is? Just validate her and place it back in her lap.

"Gosh, that must be tough. Sorry she's being that way.

I'm going fishing..."

Then let her deal with it.

~CG

Hi frustrated stepdad. I am frustrated step mum who is at the other end of this process, ie trying to prevent SD16 from moving IN with us, not trying to get one out.
Anyhow, my suggestion is that you try and get agreement from your wife that the eventual goal is for your SD to be independent and have her own place, take responsibility for her own life and child etc. I think if you just let SD stay another 2 years she will be so used to living with you and having on the spot babysitters she will never want to move out.
I suggest you and your wife encourage her to find a modest place for herself, maybe not too far from you, and give her some financial help perhaps for the first 12 months, diminishing as she finds her feet and it should be understood from the outset that this financial help is temporary while she establishes herself. Perhaps if she gets a part time job for instance you could offer to help pay for daycare.
Deep down, no young woman really wants to be living with her parents indefinitely- any more than the parents want it. It is time for her to go, and for you and your wife to enjoy some time as a couple on your own.