Yesterday, bf and ss13.5 returned home early in the evening. Ss couldn't work at the nearby farm last night because school started this morning. On the surface to the undiscriminating eye, it probably looked like we made progress all being in the house together at once. There was plenty of conversation given I haven't spoken to ss since last Sunday. Ss is excited to go back to school, liked a pair of new school sneakers I'd bought for him (pre-disengagement and I didn't hand them over to him, his dad did without asking me) and the pork roast supper I'd cooked.

I felt like we made one or two phony steps forward with a huge slide backward that I wasn't supposed to notice or speak about. It's the bed thing again. There are only 1-2 ways for ss's bed to be placed so that he is not peering at and listening to every movement in the hallway. His bedroom is directly across from our bedroom and the only bathroom is just beyond and between our bedrooms. It's always been irritating to me that neither bf or ss feel any need to close our respective bedroom doors at night, but I bit my tongue about it for the most part, closing doors if I was awake after they fell asleep or first up in the morning.

Ss has been sleeping with his head at the foot of the bed for quite awhile. He claims it is the way he likes to watch TV. Being at the foot board makes it so that I have to look at him every time I come or go to our bedroom or the bathroom, and he sees and hears every movement or anyone in the hallway. To me, this indicates a total lack of respect for anyone else's space or privacy and is a play for control. Of course, neither bf or ss see it this way.

When ss came home from camp last Saturday, he "cleaned" his room and pushed the bed to the far corner so that the whole f'ing bed is visible from the hallway and he can see everything that moves near his doorway even better. I complained to bf who thought it was enough to have him shut his door at night (until they think I've forgotten or am over my strong request for privacy). I moved the bed back to where it was with a curt note to ss the next day. The door stayed shut for a few days. Last night, ss moved the bed back for his birds eye corner view and didn't bother to shut the door, which I kept shutting.

At this point, I have disengaged, so took it up with bf. "Can you please explain to me why the bed that I moved back to its original position and told ss was to remain there has moved back into the far corner again?" Bf says he doesn't know, but he plans to move the bed completely out of doorway view as soon as he gets a moment. Wasn't sure what he meant by this, but sounded good on the face. Bed doesn't move, I keep shutting the g-d bedroom door until ss is in bed for the night.

After ss went to bed, bf appears at our bedroom doorway asking if I mind if he comes in? He'd been sleeping on the couch for 3 nights. I informed him that he'd never been banished from the bedroom and he doesn't need my permission for entry. He launched into something along the line of, "Well, you always have the door shut tight at night and are busy on your computer."

Whoa dude. "Yes indeedy, bf, the door is shut all the time now because I've been begging the both of you to respect and give me my privacy for months. Both bedroom doors will be shut at night from now on. It's not that I don't like your son, but expecting me to be happy about looking at him and him watching every movement in the hallway like a hawk even when he's retired to his bedroom for the night is a bit too much." Couldn't even address the stoopid computer b.s. Bf walked away for awhile and I watched TV. He once again appears at the door asking if he could sleep in our bedroom for the night. Comes in, gets in bed and leaves the door wide open. I go to do a bit of cleanup in the kitchen, closing the bedroom door when I return.

Fast forward to after midnight, I wake up, my bedroom door is open, bf is back on the couch and the bathroom light is on. I go to bathroom, turn out the light and once again close ss's now partially opened door. Dunno if that was devoted dad "checking" on his oh-so "fragile" 200+lb behemoth, or Baby Huey having gotten up to go to the bathroom. Shortly after, bf gets off of couch and returns to our bedroom, closing the door for once.

I have a swollen gland, sore throat and possibly a slight fever. Slept fitfully last night and gave up on the idea by 5:30am. The coffee I make tastes best to me anyway. Bf gets up at 6am as if Baby Huey needs help getting ready for school. Whatever. He sits out at the kitchen table chatting w/his son, but makes no move to get his son's bedroom arranged in that 30-40 minutes until the bus arrives. Ss heads out door for the bus at 7am and I go to inquire where exactly is bf planning to place the bed and when he expects to have ss's bedroom in order? Much stuttering about needing to measure for bed and fix any gaps in a closet panel that opens to the bath/shower fixture. "Ok, bf, just know that this is an immediate priority, not to be gotten around to a month or two later after I blow another gasket."

By now, I don't care where the bed is placed, but I will not be looking at that manipulative controlling pig every time I walk down the hallway. Once the bed is moved, it is likely that unconditional permission for the hulking step monster to keep his bedroom door open ALL the time will be granted by FatherGod. And no doubt bf will think we should start leaving our door open too.

This is something disengagement can't address, IMO. Clearly ss is either testing how far he can walk all over my very clear rule about the placement of his bed and demand for privacy, or his father has told him or implied that what I want or say doesn't matter. Or both.

This is a BAD time to test me. I'm on a very very short fuse with those two.