I am thinking of sending an email to BM. Keep in mind in 6 years we have spoken three times, one letter and two emails. That is it. I do not wish to communicate with her. But, she recently sent a very, very long email to my SIL defaming me horribly. If you believe everything she said I make Joan Crawford look like Mother of the Year. I am tired of everyone from the lawyers and DH to now the BM's DH having a comment about this mess. Below is what I wrote edited to remove the names. Please give me input. For those that want to bash, not in the mood and I will delete your comments. If you are going to say don't do it, don't say that either. Like I said, I am tired of everyone bashing me...

BM -

Regarding your letter last week to SIL. Please refrain from discussing any further the stories that you were told by SD15. They are outright lies and are slanderous. I have also had countless friends point out other stories that you and SD15 are saying about the short time that she and I resided in the same house. These stories are malicious and if continued will be met with a Cease and Desist from my attorney.

I have never spoken to you about the lies and manipulation that that child did while under our roof. I have left it alone. I was very good to her, but she was plotting all of this and your letter to SIL proved that, since what you heard and what actually happened are very, very different.

Several times over the last 6 years, I have wanted to reach out to you to try co-parenting together. But, SS13 and DH have both felt that that was a bad idea since you absolutely hated me. That is such a shame because all of this could have been very different. SD15 was a bright girl and if both of her parents had been on the same page with parenting and discipline, she could have had such a different life than the track she is on now. In the 5th grade that girl had everything and as soon as she got to middle school she became all about social life and boys. It would have been fine, if you two could have worked with her strong personality together. You couldn’t and now she has no relationship with DH and a reputation at school that would make most parents cringe. In my mind I really thought that as parents we could do this together rather than continue to fight each other. Other people ask about my relationship with you and I have to tell them that in 6 years, we have had two conversations, three emails, one letter and one threat to call the police. It truly did not have to be that way.

I would like to dispute several things about your letter, but it is not worth it, since you will only believe a child rather than a rational adult. I can’t even discuss the bus situation without seeing red for your allowing that to continue. Because you could not see it for what it was a child trying to get to her father, I have gone against my better judgement and allowed BS16 to drive to school to avoid further contact with Jordan.

Just one thing that I would like to point out from your diatribe, you stated that I did not allow SD15 in my office. Of course not, none of the kids are to be in my office. I work in there and have thousands of dollars of equipment for my company. Would you allow SD15 to come into the pharmacy and start using your equipment for dispensing drugs? It is the same thing…There are countless other lies and fabrications in your letter to SIL and the countless emails that you and Rick have exchanged since the day we decided to live together. From the vacation to Peru and Disney that only came up 6 months ago so they can’t possibly have been in a conversation between SD15 and I since we haven’t spoken since April 2009 to the supposed phone call and hang up from DH about days to meet with SD15. That was an email we would be happy to forward to you. I can’t dispute them all. I don’t want this to be that long…

Further, regarding your current husband’s email to DH. That was a mistake on your part to allow him to intervene. It made both of you look bad and was forwarded on to DH's attorney along with the other correspondence. His statement that he had a parenting certificate was foolish. Unless there is an occurrence with DCFS no normal parent would ever have such a document. Also, he sounded like a bully on the playground mocking SIL's Alopecia. Some of the records of his daughters are public and will come up in court. Also, please know that I would be glad to put my parenting skills up against his any day should it come to that. BS16 is a Straight A, AP Honor Student involved in countless charitable organizations and a recent Eagle Scout. His future plans and goals will put BM's DH children to shame. Add in all my volunteer work around the city with BSA, Cancer Society and NKF and the fact that I raised my son alone for 8 years and I will come out of this mess just fine. I really do not think you want it to come to that.

Your initiating contact with DH's family was out of line from the beginning. Please remember that they are not your relatives. If SD15 wants a relationship with them, she should pursue it, not you. When you divorce someone you divorce their family.

SD15 is out of control and rather than condemning DH for trying again and again and again to have a relationship with her, you should be helping him since it is so apparent to everyone that she needs a strong father in her life. On a side note, what the hell were you thinking with her hair?…You have allowed her to completely destroy her hair for years to come. All I thought of when I saw it, is that beautiful girl and that beautiful hair and now she looks terrible with the dark eyebrows and bleached out hair.

We have many stories that friends have told us that go beyond what SIL told DH from SD15, so that was just the tipping point for DH.
Just an example of one that we haven’t told the attorneys, recently SD15 was on the golf cart and was driving so erratically she almost hit a Scoutmaster and his wife along with 8 scouts. Because the scouts recognized her, they contacted me and asked me to let the mother know rather than call the police. She may remember it since the Scoutmaster yelled at her and the mother did a few minutes later when she almost hit the 2nd group of scouts. I called the police and discussed it with them. I decided to let it go, since it would be a citation that you would receive rather than SD15 as the golf cart owner. So no lesson would be learned anyway. I didn’t know any of the other incidents on the golf cart at the time and if I could go back I would reverse that decision. You may not realize that she is not allowed to have more than one teenager on the cart at a time until she gets her license. That is another situation that a parent called to tell us about. She had 6 kids on the cart at TCBY. This keeps happening. The sad thing is that I think it will take a horrific accident or the police at your door to wake up and realize that she needs some discipline. These are all small things that may not seem like much individually but together to a Judge will seem like a child that needs a change of venue.

I would hate to be you if something drastic does happen to her, because I guarantee, DH will not allow you to have any contact at all with SS13. His fear of you jeopardizing his future is so strong.

As for the visitation with SS13, please know that we will only encourage him to see you to the extent that you have encouraged SD15 to see her Dad. We won’t buy him a massage so he won’t see you as you did, but we won’t plead your case either.

My recommendation is that you settle this immediately so it goes no further, because if it does and we go to court, it is going to be really ugly and DH will probably get both kids in the end. You will have spent thousands on Lawyers and will end up with basic visitation of your children. Since they are over 14, it will be up to them if they want to see you. With HS and friends and activities, that is not going to leave a lot of time for you to spend with them. Is that what you want? I don’t even want it for you after everything you have put me through.

JSMOM

When you edit out the names it reads kind of wierd, but you get the idea. My debate now is to let DH read it first. He will talk me out of sending it, but honestly I don't care. The malicious comments that keep coming are hard to just listen to and not pipe up that they are not true. I haven't decided what to do, but would like your opinions on the text of the letter. Legally right now we are waiting on our lawyer to reply to her lawyer about the recent alleghations about SD15 and the drinking and vandalism.