What is appropriate for co-parenting?
Hi All
I have been thinking of this topic all day. In my situation my ex and I didn't really co-parent. I always took the lead in parenting when we were married and we divorced when our kids were really young. My kids are all grown now and looking back we really only came together as parents when there was an issue. Which lucky for us was not very often. We didn't discuss mundane daily details of the kids life. If one of them got in big trouble we addressed it as parents but that was about it.
My BF and his ex don't really communicate that much now. Before me he just did whatever she told him to do. Gave her money when she needed it,changed the schedule, pretty much what ever she felt like at the time he did.
Once I came along I stressed the importance of boundaries we had a rough patch with the BM but it smoothed over. Which leads me to now she wants to discuss everything!! Day to day stuff house rules etc.etc. Which I don't really have that much of a problem with but I feel like we are two seperate households. We can have some common general rules but not every last thing. What is everyone else's take on this?
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Comments
Agree but not, may depend a
Agree but not, may depend a lot on the kids ages. My FDH and BM clearly have not been on the same page until recently. (SD is 4). BM was letting her stay up until BM felt like going to bed and so BM went in her room and SD went to hers. Now SD expects FDH to go to bed when she does and this causes huge issues. (this is leaving out all the issues we had with the sleeping in the bed/sleeping in the same room ordeal).
SD never has to clean up, never has to eat at the table, took forever to be potty trained (BM kept her in diapers for WAY to long!). SD still cannot dress herself, and cannot occupy herself for 5 minutes while FDH goes to the bathroom. Same deal, BMs way of parenting was clearly not working.
Now I know your skids are much older after reading your bio, With the teens Id think there needs to be some general rules, but the kids are old enough to know 'mom expects this/dad expects this'. You cant get away from the 'well mom lets me..' I hear something to that effect EOW! but you can still have some of the stuff on the same page.
In the end if BM is like all the others, she do as she pleases even if it doesnt benefit the child long term, but if shes willing to work together Id be happy with the opportunity.
I agree age makes a
I agree age makes a difference my kids are grown and we have SD12 EOW. All of a sudden her BM wants to micromanage everything. Expecting us to go along. Instead of calling her ex-husband she calls me. Because I am easier to talk to :? I am going to talk to BF tonight and tell him he needs to step up and take over this role I can't really stand the BM. She is so phony and tries to make herself sound like MOTY. She must be pretty dumb because I know all the crap she pulled with her older daughters so I am not buying her story.
BF wants nothing to do with her and I don't blame him but some of this needs to be discussed and he just flat ignores her. That problem is she gets him on the phone and its back to old times where she thinks she can tell him what to do. So click goes the phone and she calls me :sick: My DD19 gave me some great advice "Mom don't answer her calls this is not your problem" now I need to follow it
Lol, true not your problem. I
Lol, true not your problem. I had to teach FDH to remember that he is dad, when BM tried to tell him how to/that he couldnt discipline. This child needs MAJOR discipline. I taught him how to do time outs and take away toys/fun activities etc instead of just spanking her.. as that clearly wasnt working.
12 years old is a totally different story compared to what Im dealing with, especially because we cant trust anything that comes out of BMs mouth, and theres not much way to find out if shes lying. (said she wasnt using pullups at night.. we stopped and had wet sheets everynight, then when he rediscussed it with BM she all of sudden they have been using pullups at night all along). do what!?
Cant win. But yes make sure BF grows some and stands his ground. At the very least he can control what does on at his house with his daughter. I think its normal for moms to think the child is THEIRS. As I do the same thing, but I have proof (SD) that his way of parenting is not the way I want our son raised.