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OT-kind of...our kids learn from our behavior-if you have bios, do not allow SKIDS to treat you like CRAP

herewegoagain's picture

Submitted by herewegoagain on Fri, 10/21/2011 - 9:30am

There's not a single person here that wants THEIR children to ever be treated by possible future SKIDS the same way THEY are treated by their current SKIDS...I know NONE of us even want that for other women who are not even related to us...much less our kids.

Please know that YOUR KIDS learn about marriage, children, family life, etc. FROM WATCHING YOU. What does this mean? It means that if YOU allow the SKIDS to disrespect you, your daughter or son might learn that is just the way it is. In the future, they might end up in the same situation and you will suffer greatly seeing their SKIDS abuse them. DO NOT do this TO YOUR KIDS. No, not every kid will end up marrying someone with kids and being subjected to abuse, just like not every child of an abusive parent goes out and marries someone who is also abusive or puts up with it. But the odds ARE stacked against them.

I know you have all read about the woman who is abused by her husband who tries to get out and can't because somewhere deep down inside her dad did the same to her mom. Heck, some here might have left their ex's because they did not want their children to see them being abused by their ex and learning that it was ok to subject themselves to this behavior. This crazy SKID, BM issue is no different. If you allow the disrespect or abuse, your children TOO will think it's ok...and I know that you don't want that at all.

So this just came into my mind and I wanted to share. I have never and will never put up with abuse from an SKID. Yes, the loser, just as the BM have caused much havoc in our home and by me standing up to them, it has created issues between DH and I...but little by little my DH has realized I am right and that WE should not be subjected to such abuse. That is what our son will learn. If I just sit quietly and allow things to happen, my son will learn that he too should just sit quietly and allow others to run his life, abuse him, disrespect him.

No, I am not perfect. No our relationship is NOT perfect. But we do see that clearly and make changes little by little to reach our goal.

Peace to all the SMOMs and SDADs here so that each has the strength to stand up to such abuse from these crazy ex's, il's and skids...not just for themselves, but for the well being of their bio-children too.

Comments

Willow2010's picture

Submitted by Willow2010 on Fri, 10/21/2011 - 9:37am

Please know that YOUR KIDS learn about marriage, children, family life, etc. FROM WATCHING YOU.
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

That is why I would not marry or live with my DH for almost 10 years. SS used to treat him like crap (among a lot of other things) and it was just a bad situation. I was NOT going to put my kids in that kind of environment.
I still can’t believe that some people see how step life is, and still live with or marry or have kids with a man who is in this situation.

herewegoagain's picture

Submitted by herewegoagain on Fri, 10/21/2011 - 9:41am

I will say that many of us really have the "things will change, if I am just fair and nice" and then sometimes, by the time we realize that things DON'T change, etc...we are too deep in or have kids in the relationship. I know that was my case. Maybe I should have thought about it more, but at least in my case, I was told I would NEVER have kids, and well, that's the other part of the story. But once we had our child, I have stood up each and every time. And when it wasn't enough, both my DH and I have agreed that those issues, ie. disrespect, etc...will NOT be in our home. Our son will NOT see them. Even if that means, a complete disconnect from family, ex, etc...or if that means, dad sees or talks to his kid outside our home...of course, he doesn't even do that since she only wants to insult him. But our son is not aware of these issues.

winehead's picture

Submitted by winehead on Fri, 10/21/2011 - 9:47am

Yes, you are absolutely right. I've had issues with one skid (adult when DH and I married) but he's basically polite when he's around me. But I have had experience with this with my sister's own children.

She let her kids treat her like crap, made fun of her, belittled her. It became a sad sort of sport. When my BD spent time with sister's kids (BD's cousins) she'd come back home and start to treat me the same way. Oh HELL no. I wouldn't allow her to treat her aunt that way either, despite what her cousins thought was "funny."

My sisters girls turned out to be educated, responsible and kind adults. Her boy is another story and very much like the entitled, selfish adults we read about here. My BD is doing fine, too.

DaizyDuke's picture

Submitted by DaizyDuke on Fri, 10/21/2011 - 10:02am

so true! My DH is terribly guilty of getting pissed off at BMs while skids are there and saying things he shouldn't. He once said (while SS was sitting right next to him) that he wished SD's BM would get run over by a bus. He has gotten into all out phone brawls with BMs in front of skids. A few months ago, SDs Grandma was supposed to come and get SS and SD, 5 hours later, nobody was there, DH had somewhere to go and he knows better than to leave them with me to "babysit" He told SD to call her Gma and find out what was up, Gma said she was waiting for BM#1 to get home with her car and then they would be down. DH flipped out, told SD to tell her that if BM#1 showed up at our door that he was going to tell his wife (me) to blow her head off. EKE!

Now I certainly DON'T condone this, (I'll admit I am evil and laugh a little inside) and have actually told DH MANY times that he should NOT say stuff like that in front of skids, but he slips when BMs start their crap from time to time. I guess my point is that last year, I saw some text messages from SS to his "girlfriend" at the time. He was mad because she apparently wasn't texting him back, so he called her a slut and a whore and was just being horrible to her. He was barely 11! But case in point, he has seen and heard his father talking to his mother like that ever since he was born so what do you expect?

Y'all probably think that my DH is in need of anger management after this post, but I swear he has NEVER spoken to me like he does BMs...He really is a soft spoken, sweet man. I guess it's that pure hatred that builds up and bubbles over sometimes and he just can't help himself.