BM came in the house AGAIN
After nearly a year of nonsense from BM's lawyer, DH finally got a court date set for the following child support issues: we have kids 70% and pay BM child support as if we only had them EOW. BM is also trying to get increased child support despite the fact that she does not take care of them the majority of the time.
BM is pissed (she at least smart enough to know that this court meeting will probably not go her way), so she's acting out and being a pain in the ass at every possible turn. She has started ringing the doorbell every thirty seconds until we get the kids ready and open the door.
As a response, I have started opening the door AND THEN getting the kids ready. Until last Tuesday, she remained outside on the porch outside the screen door.
SS2 was asleep when I opened the door last time. I told her he was asleep and I'd have to go get him. I heard the screen door open the instant I rounded the corner and assumed SS5 had gone outside.
SS2 was being a brat about putting his socks on, so it took me a few minutes to get him ready. I heard SS5 talking to BM and heard the closet door open and close.
Well, apparently BM had decided to stand next to the couch in the living room (a good twenty feet away from the front door) and then rummage through the closet for SS2's jacket. When I returned to the living room with SS2 (who of course started crying at the sight of BM because that's how he gets her attention) I started to look for SS2's coat and BM told me she already had it.
Seriously.
BEFORE I GET FLAMED ABOUT THE KIDS NOT BEING READY ON TIME: BM has a forty-five minute window to pick the kids up. I hate it, but the judge doesn't see a problem with us waiting around for 45 minutes every day single freaking day. So, that's how it is. She doesn't text to tell us she's on the way when she knows it is just me at home. She just shows up. SS5 is usually ready except for his jacket (I'm not going to make him sit in the house wearing a jacket for 45 minutes). SS2 is usually the problem because he constantly takes his shoes and socks off and throws them around the house.
DH says he is going to send her a warning email about this incident, but he wants to wait until after the court date so that she doesn't get angry and cook up some nonsense to get the court date pushed back again.
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Comments
I'm trying to think of what
I'm trying to think of what would be worse - to actually have the BM come to the house or the fact that she now REFUSES to come to the house so my SO has to do all pick ups and drop offs at her home because she feels she shouldn't have to provide any transportation. I think it would drivee me insane if she came into my house. I think that would definitely be worse....
I would have the dumb bitch
I would have the dumb bitch just come in and get her own kids ready in the Living Room. What kind of Mother just stands there and watches another woman get her kids ready. Tell her feel free to jump in and help you. She sounds like a Lazy one just like my SD6 BM.
She is here all the effing
She is here all the effing time. We like I mentioned before, we have the kids pretty much all day (from 630AM until some point between 4 and 445PM) every day. This means she comes here to pick them up EVERY DAY Monday through Friday and almost always finds some way to be a pain in the ass.
She will:
*Request money
*Ask student questions even though DH has repeatedly told her to correspond through email or text.
*Request money
*Ask DH to change SS2's diaper "this instant" just to make sure
*Request money
*Ask DH to keep SS2 until she is done with SS5's soccer game, t-ball game, birthday party, school field trip, etc., so that she doesn't have to deal with him.
*Ask DH why he won't give her money
*Make up lies about how DH has previously agreed to do things for her or drive the kids to her hometown 4 hours away
*Not to mention requesting more money
Why not arrange it so that
Why not arrange it so that you do drop offs for her visitation, then she drop them at your place when finished? Also, no longer open your door when she's playing childish games with the bell while you're putting on jackets. Let her stand there staring at a closed door until you're ready. When you do finally answer it, say, "Wow, the constant ringing made me think there was a child at the door trying to sell something."
I WISH! The problem is that
I WISH! The problem is that she has to be at work at 7, and can't be bothered to drop her kids off on the way, so DH has to pick them up at 630 every morning.
And I am going to borrow THAT EXACT PHRASE next time she starts ringing the doorbell like a manian. I am so sick of that nonsense. She knows we are home. There is no reason for that.
And I'm going to leave the door closed as well.
BM came into my house 1 time
BM came into my house 1 time because DH told her she could use the toliet. I never forgot it; I can't get that darn toliet clean enough.
I'm so sorry. I hate these crazy women. What goes on in those heads. I would never.
1). Tell DH to tell her that
1). Tell DH to tell her that she needs to let you know at least 15 minutes in advance of when she will be there to get the kids so she does not have to wait. If she does not let you know, then you will not get the kids ready until she gets there.
2). Disconnect the door bell.
3). Keep the door shut while getting the kids ready.
I would freak out if BM entered my house like that. She thought she was going to be invited in one time, but it did not happen.
And not sure why. I know she is not going to steal anything, I know she will not destroy anything. I guess just because she had been so ugly to my DH over the years, I can’t see letting her in my domain. YUK!!
#2 Is what I suggest also!!!
#2 Is what I suggest also!!!
UM NOPE not going to happen!
UM NOPE not going to happen! Bm is not allowed her ever! She and dh and can met somewhere else NOT at MY home! I suggest that you guys met at a gas station or something like that so that she will be able to be ON TIME and she won't come into the house! Have dh tell her that if she wants the kids then they can met half way for drop off and pick up period! Then a time will be set upm so neither is waiting. If she is always late start leaving later and later til she has to wait ! }:) }:)
I am getting to the point of
I am getting to the point of asking for something like that. I am just sick of her nonsense. I'm sick of seeing her. I'm sick of hearing her ridiculous squeeky mother of the year voice.
Do what I do, answer the door
Do what I do, answer the door and tell her they will be right out and then close the door in her face....Did that a few times and now she calls from the car...
Turn of the bell when you
Turn of the bell when you know she is coing! Let her knock!!!
I agree with disconnecting
I agree with disconnecting the doorbell. She sounds horrid.
I am totally into this
I am totally into this disconnecting the doorbell idea. I just asked DH and he said he likes it. YAY! You ladies are genius. I LOVE SOLUTIONS.
I had a similar problem. We
I had a similar problem. We went to court and i told the judge
"He uses the drop off pick ups as a time to harass me your honor. It has become extremely stressful and the children can pick up on this. I request he stop using this time to get his jabs in, or request we have one public place at one specific time for all pick up drop off."
The judge spoke with exh and it stopped.
In your case, i would have dh bring it up when he goes to court for this child support thing. Ask dh to please ask the judge,
"Your honor, i request the bm be given an exact time to pick up and drop kids instead of the 45 minute window she is allowed now. BM uses this window to her advantage of knowing my wife, who is usually home at the time of pick up and drop offs, knowing my wife will not know when bm will arrive. Not being able to anticipate an exact time, i, or my wife cannot prepare for the childrens arrival or departure. Not being prepared prolongs the actual pick up drop off event in which during that time bm harasses my wife. She harasses her with guestions, requests, and statements that should be directed toward me, as well as walking, uninvited and unexpectedly into our residence. If bm was given an exact time that she is to pick up and drop off then i feel this would stop the unecessary and blatant attacks against my wife. In turn it would alleviate the stress on my wife and decrease any chances of an unpleasant incident in front of the children"
Next time you answer the door
Next time you answer the door to her and you aren't quite ready, tell her you will be back in a minute and shut the door and lock it.
I am the only one home with
I am the only one home with the kids between 4 and 445 on Wednesday and Thursdays. We set my schedule up specifically so that I could watch them during those times. Otherwise, BM would have picked out the most expensive day care in town and demanded that they be in daycare for 8 hours that day (and that we pay half the bill).
Anytime DH is here, he is the one that gets them ready. She also NEVER comes in the house when he is here. It's just when I am here. I'm sure this is some manipulative nonsense on her part.
I am going to start leaving her outside and not opening the door. I'm just sick of having to worry about it. I felt like this was rude before, but now that she's come in the house twice I don't care if it's rude.
Thanks Echo. I don't know why
Thanks Echo. I don't know why I would even worry about her feelings. She's such a horrible person. I guess I don't want the kids to see me being rude to their mother.
But you are totally right. She is the one who created this whole situation. She could text me and let me know when she's coming instead of showing up out of nowhere and maniacally ringing the doorbell.
I actually have bad dreams about waking up, walking down the hallway, and finding her in the house. It has happened so many times over the last 3 years that it's become nightmare material.
She's obviously jacking with
She's obviously jacking with you. Jack back. Make her stand outside the damn door until 4:45 on the dot. Then just open the door and hand her the kids without conversation. If she even tries to say anything I would say "oh crap, I'm sorry, I can't talk right now" and then shut the door. That will teach her to tell you when she's coming. She taking advantage of her 45 minute window. Take it away. You don't HAVE to give her the kids until 4:45. Better yet, I wouldn't even be home until 5 minutes before just to see the look on her face when you drive up. She will know what you're doing but won't be able to do anything about it. That 45 minute window goes for both sides. Make it work for you until she behaves.
I like this idea, and I'm
I like this idea, and I'm going to talk to Dh about it. I just hate that 45 minutes time period EVERY SINGLE DAY. I feel like the judge basically ordered us to organize our lives around BM and her bullshit. It makes me so angry that two days a week, I have to wait for her for 45 minutes. Why is it so hard for her to just pick them up at a specific freaking time? She can make it work on time, can't she?