What exactly does "RIGHT OF FIRST REFUSAL" mean? I don't understand how he cannot get credit for the 9 hours a day the children are in your and his care?

I just looked it up and here is the definition I found:

The "right of first refusal" is a provision sometimes placed in child custody agreements which requires one of the child's parents, who otherwise would have "timeshare" prior to placing a child into third party care (such as a babysitter) to first grant the child's other parent the right to care for the child during the period of the first parent's absence.

So basically it sounds like you and DH get to be BM's first choice babysitters for free and she gets to take advantage of this ridiculous loophole to get $200.00/month in CS. You poor thing - I have no words other than I am so, so sorry this is happening to you. What did his lawyer have to say>?

DH has considered the following options:
*Quitting his job
*Willfully becoming "under-employed .
*Moving to a country with no extradition with the united states
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Edit to show the ones I hope your DH is joking about. lol

All of this over $200.00 I get that it is a burden, but wow.

What will happen if he just makes her keep the kids when she is supposed to have them? Will that cut down on your expense much? Your BM is trash at its worse. sorry I have no advice. I am shocked that it wwnt this way.

so, what you're saying is that if he refuses to have his kids there every day (which he has the right to, right of first refusal just means he has to be offered the opportunity) and the BM has to put them in childcare, there is a stipulation in the CO saying he has to pay part of that also?

I am guessing that they are having major financial difficulties and that in their current situation $200.00 might as well be $10,000.

I would stop taking care of the kids for her, but as previously noted - you may be forced to pay half the childcare costs - you are in the worst type of catch 22 my friend. Do you have any friends or family members that are lawyers that could perhaps provide you with some free legal advice?

MADAM - what state are you in?

Just to be clear - is he being ordered to pay $200.00 a week or $200.00 a month?

Ugh, so frustrating. I guess you could keep taking them to avoid the sitting costs but maybe refuse to send them with a packed lunch? The school will not let them go hungry so they will keep a tab on how much they owe and send them home with a bill eventually. And since BM is responsible for feeding them on her days, she is responsible for that bill. That would save you a little money on lunch and take it out of her pocket. I am determined to help you stick it to this woman so I will keep thinking.

Is this $200 on TOP of the CS that he was already paying, or is this the total amount of CS that he has to pay?

It sounds to me that if he is working a second job, and BM is getting to take 75% of that second jobs income, AND it pushes him into a higher bracket, it might not be a good idea for him to have that job.

But of course you know your budget better than us.

I'm in NM too and it sounds like you had a judge that is nothing like the one we had.
Send me a message and I'll see if I can help.

Time to REFUSE!!! Let BM take care of them rather than using you as her beck-and-call baby sitter. EOWE ... that is it. Feed them on your time, to not take them at all on her's unless you specifically want them on a FROR day.

She will blow a fuse when she has to figure out how to care for HER children on her CO'd custody time.

You and DH will have no issue caring for them during your time with YOUR children.

I would not send her a sob story letter about being broke or inconvenienced. DH should just tell her "your time, you take care of the kids but do not make the mistake of not offering me FROR as stipulated in the CO." No threats of further action. Let her stew in what you might do. When the opposition is uncertain they have no confidence and that gives you an advantage.

One key to maintianing control and dominance in a blended family situation is to minimize the emotion on your end of the situation. The more you can control the emotion, the more you can stay ready to manage the situation and maintain control

Though you did not get what you were hoping for in court you do have a CO that you can roll in to a tube and beat BM about the head and shoulders with if she so much as thinks about deviating from the CO. (Figuratively of course) The CO is the ultimate tool for the person who knows it most thouroughly. I believe that you will find that BM will most likely never even look at it or read it. So, learn it, live it, love it. Research any Supplemental Rules for the jurisdiciton where your CO is resident. We found Supplemental Rules to be excellent additional tools for inforcing our will on my SS's SpermClan. Over the 17+ years of our CO I am convinced that no one on the SpermClan side ever so much as glanced at the CO much less actually read it. As our control grew we could pretty much dictate anything we wanted and when they bitched our response was "read the CO". Even if what we were stipulating was not in the CO

NCP or CP .... the CO is your best tool. If you know it and use it you can control the opposition. One key is to not deviate from the CO yourself.

So, pay the CS, take YOUR CO'd visitation time with the Skids, and keep tightening the box around BM every opportunity you get.

Eventually you will get her and keep her under control.

As the CP household our story is the opposit of yours. CS was $110/mo for the year before my wife and I met and married. For the next 9yrs CS was $130/mo. Then it went to $800/mo for 2yrs(due to stupid behavior by BioDad) an then down to $385/mo for 6yrs.

We did not need the money but it was a control tool to minimize the toxic influence of the SpermClan on our son.

Though you are the NCP you can use the same control strategies with BM though you will have some different challenges to address than we had. Nail her ass to the wall and keep her exactly in line with the CO.

I would also try HelpMee's suggestion. Charging her day car costs for your ROFR time! That is a classic and definately worth a try. Most CO's order that the parties split the costs of day care that can be correlated to the work hours of the BioParent. So, charge her for any time that BM is at work during your CO'd visitation time and ROFR days. That is a great idea. We shold from now on refer to this strategy as the HelpMeeeee Method.

Our most innovative motion was to include/add the SpermGrandParent's income to the SpermIdiots income for calculation of CS. He claimed to be paying the CS on my SS when we had 10+yrs of CSE records clearly indicating that SpermGrandMa was paying his CS on my SS. He also claimed that his younger three oowl spawn by two more baby mamas lived with him and he was supporting them. In fact they were living with SpermGrandMa and SpermGrandPa and attending school in the SGPs district. We had PI footage and reports showing the kids spent an average of 35+ days a month at the SpermGrandParent's house and rarely had an overnight with their SpermIdiot. We got copys of their school records. He lived rent free in a property owned by the SGPs (he cracked on the stand when we grilled him on how much he paid in rent) and the utilities were in the SGP's name and paid by them and his cars were all given to him by the SGPs and were registered in their names and insured by them.

The Judge liked our innovative approach and allowed the motion to include the SGPs income in the calculation of CS but she ultimately did not actually include it. When Her Honor ruled, I will consider your motion, the SpermClan went ballistic. "What difference does it make who pays for XYZLMNOP as long as it is paid! You can't do that!......." SpermGrandPa just about had a heart attack. }:) }:) }:) }:)

You may try forcing BM to disclose her trust fund and any help she gets from WombGrandMa and WombGrandPa the next time you go back for a CS modification.

Good luck.

DF is also required to pay CS and help with daycare fees. Since BM won't work and only has class 2 nights a week, the judge didn't make DF pay for day care.

Do you know if BM can get a voucher for daycare?

PB (the psycho BM in our life) IS a day care provider. She has a baby who is almost one now.

PB and SD18 have a good racket going. PB watches SGB1.5 so SD can go do whatever she wants to do without the hassle of a baby around. For watching her own grandchild, PB bills SD for it. SD gets Government Assistance for Child Care costs. SO-o-o, SD gets reimbursed for the daycare costs for her son which she pays to the child's grandmother to watch said child.

I know that on previous scams, PB cut SD in on the deals - if she helped her. I bet anything they have some sort of a kick-back deal set up here too. What is the incentive for SD to parent her own baby if THEY can get money from the government using their little (legal!) scheme!??

When SD goes to spend Thanksgiving with PB and family, who is to stop them from saying that PB is SITTING for SGB1.5 and billing for FAMILY TOGETHER TIME?!?

"I'd also get my child care license and start charging her child care expenses. She has to give the kids to you because of the FRoR, so you can charge right under what a regular day care would charge and offset the cost of CS."

Be careful.
That may give BM too much power.

Once she starts paying,you work for her. She will get to tell you what you can or cannot do with her kids. She can request you show her lesson plans and menus each week.

The agency that issues the license may require an open door policy. That will give BM the right to pop up and enter your home at any time. (And hang around for as long as she likes).

If BM has a few days off, instead of keeping the kids home, she can drop them off with you.

She will be able to call children services (and maybe the health department) to complain about ANYTHING. The health department and/or ACS can pop up at any time to investigate a complaint.