Advice?
The FDH went to court on monday and BM served him divorce paper (YAYYY) and full custody papers. Well he pays child support but works out of town and when hes in town he sees his daughter when ever BM isnt acting stupid. If she was awarded full custody how bad will it get? Right now he can only see SD when BM wants him too. But when we are at home and not traveling she wants him to go to her house and see her and sometimes lets him take her for the weekend but when he refuses to go to her house she gets mad and doesnt let him see SD. BM says shes only doing it in case something happens to her and FDH is out of town. But i think she just want to have total control over when and where he sees his kid. Could she be awarded full custody anyways? even if he hasnt done anything to jepadise his relationship with his daughter? Dont really know how this works. But if we saved nasty text messages from BM about this issue could he show them in court to help not give her full custody?
Update to previous blogs: Talked it out with BF about filing the divorce and i told him he was procrasting and needed to make time for the divorce and BM said she was filing but didnt know how true it was but the BF said if she didnt then he would. Well she did thank god and saves us some money too. Will be glad when they are divorced now we can move forward in our lives.
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With my SO, he was in the
With my SO, he was in the USMC & stationed away from his XW (Redneck) & SD's...he still had EOWE & EO holiday plus the summer. He wasn't able to actually do EOWE due to his location but did holidays & summer visitation. He still have legal say over health issues, schooling & that kind of stuff.
In my experience, most courts won't grant full custody unless something is wrong with the NCP.
Good luck!
My SO was in the marines too
My SO was in the marines too lol but she always tries to make him out to be the bad guy like she did in court on monday. But he hasnt done anything bad and BM thinks just because he works out of town she can get full custody. Thanks tho.
Depends on the state. In the
Depends on the state. In the state I live in, BMs are still automatically granted sole custody unless they agree to joint or there is abuse, drug use, etc.
I wouldnt expect anything but
I wouldnt expect anything but EOW. I think thats such the norm.. plus what 1 night a week? Rotating holidays and 2 weeks or so during the summer. Im not sure how often he is out of town or comes back etc.. but if he isnt using the EOW dont expect BM to just let him have her whenever he is available.
It looks to me since CS and visitation have no connection.. he has to keep paying her but she can deny visitation any time she wants to. Ladies certainly have all the control in these situations. Wouldnt you consider the current situation to be her having full custody?
Know that whatever he signs to at the divorce will be considered to be written in stone and it COSTS BIG BUCKS and you have to JUMP THROUGH HOOPS to get it changed. I would have done anything to be at my FDH's divorce to smack him over the head to keep him from signing those papers!
Dont agree to insane CS amounts, visitation schedules that dont work, or little things that BM's lawyers put in there such as 'father must pick up and drop off child at mothers residence' This is a load of crap!
Also, because he travels now, but might not always travel? Id make sure that alternative arrangements are included for when he isnt traveling. Cover ALL bases!
Well the divorce papers and
Well the divorce papers and custody papers were filed seperately FDH said if the divorce papers said anything about custody he wouldnt sign them but theres nothing in the divorces papers about it. But CS is already setup and cant be changed for like another year i think but hes out of town alot because in our town theres not many jobs for the line of work he does and BM wants him to stay home and not work and when she needs a babysitter let FDH get SD. He used to get her EOW but when he started dating me that stopped cause he wouldnt take BM back. So he only got SD when it was convenient for BM. Yea it already seems like she has full custody but if she gets it court ordered then i think it will be hard for him to see her cause she will want him to go to her house or her families house to see SD and he wont agree to that. We are going to be traveling for awhile to save up and get caught up but i will be sure to tell him to cover all the bases for when we get home and stay there permanently. But if she gets full custody i dont see anything good coming from it just more drama.
Yes you can always expect
Yes you can always expect drama.. Im 3yrs+ in and its a never ending thing. It has to be in writing what parent is what, non custodial, custodial etc.. so you shouldnt have expected her to do anything less than full custody.
BMs will always make it as hard as possible on the dads to see the kids, its just how it works. Im surprised that she didnt put all the child stuff into the divorce though.. my fdhs entire divorce is about child support and visitation stuff.
How did they get child support ordered without divorce papers in the beginning?
Well BM filed for child
Well BM filed for child support last year and when my SO filed for divorce he had to go out of town to work and coudlnt make the court day to finalize the divorce so when she filed this time i thought she would have the full custody in the divorce papers but didnt and they went to court this monday about child support and thats when he was served the other papers. But they were filed one day after the other and seperately dont kno y she did that.
I understand why you want to
I understand why you want to travel and get caught up. But does the BM get that luxury? To just dump her kid with her father and take off to get 'caught up'. How would you feel about ehr doing that? I am sure you would look down on her as a deadbeat mother.
And who knows when you are coming back. I think you need to consider the fact that the courst like regular parenting time all around. Your FH should move heaven and earth to stay close to his daughter even if it means you have to travel for work.
See, she can go to court and say "He chooses to work away from his daughter. I never know when he is coming back into town. It is very unsettling for her to see him every few weeks and then he expects to take her overnight and then takes off again. There is not stability in her life this way and I will be unable to plan future activities because I don't know when he will be back in town. Not to mention how upset she gets. Her father is here then gone again. It is very distressing for her and I am considering getting her into counselling. This is why I should have primary care of our daughter. He can see her when he is in town at my descretion and I certainly want her to know her Daddy." I fact I BET this will be her approach.
And how would you respond to that? "Umm, we need to get caught up and I have to travel out of town for work and my schedule is all over the place and ummm. She should just let me see her whenever I am in town."
Consider this... whatever you expect from the other party is what you should be able to live with if it was applied to you. I think you should seriously look at sticking around town even if it means working in a different occupation. He owes it to his daughter to be an active father.
BM could have that luxury but
BM could have that luxury but chooses not to and we wouldnt mind if she wanted to travel and wanted to leave There daughter with us and i wouldnt look down on her the only good thing about her is she IS a good mom. And if she was in the situation we are in then i wouldnt look down on her. And she know when we are coming back we let her kno ahead of time when my FH finds out then she finds out and he dont choose to work away from his daughter if he doesnt want to live off unemployment then this is his best bet. He talks to his daughter not like he leaves town an dont speak to her til he gets back and they video chat and stuff and she doesnt get upset shes a very smart child and understands that daddy has to work and counseling is not needed cause shes a very happy child and this hasnt affected her. And he has messages from BM saying she was doing this just to have control over when and where to see there child. She just wants him to go to her house and play family just so daughter will see them get along and that will just confuse her. We arent going to be out of town forever but being in town doesnt make money there and hes not going to change his occupation and if he did then he would still need the money to do so that he cant get from sticking around town.
My DW had full physical and
My DW had full physical and legal custody of my SS-19. The SpermIdiot had 7wks of visitation. 5wks summer, 1wk winter, 1wk spring.
As long as there is a visitation order in your CO the custody distribution should not impact visitation without consequence to the BM if she attempts to interfere with visitation.
She wants full custody with
She wants full custody with no visitation but he gets access to the med, school records, etc.