SS18 decided to alienate himself from DH 1 1/2 years ago when DH stopped being Disney Dad. SS got arrested for selling and using drugs at school, felony charges when he was 16. DH and I have BS2.5; judge, attorneys, everyone told us to draw the line with SS coming to our house without being tested. They indicated if something happened, we could lose our son for child endangerment.

BM convinced SS18 that my DH, his father, had no right to test him because he was not custodial. She did the parent alientation campaign and succeeded.

In walks MIL (DH's mom) - she still has tried to contact SS on occassion and he'll come to her house when she pays him to do yard work. No money, he doesn't return her call either. She refuses to see any of this kids tactics. He always plays the poor poor me card with Grandma. He insists he's been clean for 5 months, but his facebook page indicates otherwise.

DH tried to call SS18 back in July when he turned 18 - left 3 messages and he never returned call. Sent birthday card that we received back "return to sender". SO, Grandma called SS18 last night to get together as she has a Christmas present for him, and guess what he did......."dad didn't even send me a card...." My DH has stopped trying because what is the point.

I am so pissed at MIL right now because she called DH and jumped his ass today. I could hear in his voice that he felt bad about it. I tried to tell him, it works both ways - SS18 didn't send DH father's day card, has not returned calls and sent his birthday card back......yet expects us to send, send, send. He actually did stop by on fathers day - he was doing yard work for $$ at grandma's and she sent him to our house to return gloves she borrowed. He was there a minute, said happy father's day - but he had to get going to go to a family father's day dinner. To me, that was a slap in the face to his dad.

Am I wrong for feeling like it works both ways. DH was trying and kept getting slapped in the face by this drug addict punk. Yet when he talks to Grandma, poor baby DH is sooooo mean. I told DH he should tell his mom to stay out of it - it was between him and SS18 - she should focus on being grandma, but not triangulate herself into the situation. She honestly thinks this kid is clean.

I always get nervous because whenever MIL brings this stuff up, DH starts questioning if he should invite him over, etc. I have a hard time saying no, but the boundary of you must be clean to enter our house is still the boundary for me. We have a toddler at home, brother or not - a drug addict who has treated us the way he has will not be around him. SS18 and his mother have cost us $$$$thousands in court and attorney fees because of their shenanigans.

Please, any advice is appreciated.