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Sort of O/T but Step Related

riekate's picture

Submitted by riekate on Tue, 01/24/2012 - 11:02am

I have a lot of close friends with kids and none of them are in a step-situation and I made a passing remark about looking forward to going out for drinks tonight because I need a kid break and one of my friends remarked "ha kid break!!! You get one every other weekend." I know that non step families don't ever get a break but they wouldn't understand if I said parenting a step-kid is not the same. I know they need breaks from their kids, but I think steps tend to need more breaks. I have no kids of my own and I am the primary care-giver for my SS5 and SS7, when they are in school I am working or coaching (5th graders), and when they are not in school they are with me. Has anyone else felt the judgement from their non step familied friends? How do you respond, I tend to shrug things off but today it really hurt my feelings.

Comments

daisy0202's picture

Submitted by daisy0202 on Tue, 01/24/2012 - 11:20am

When I was married to my X I could never understand the....OMG so glad i have no kids this weekend....But now that I am a BM and a SM...OMG I can not wait for those weekends that SD16 is not around...If you are not in a step family you have no idea....When friends of mine say things like "OMG that is aweful"...I explain to them you have no idea what it is like till you are in it. I never thought getting 2 families together could be so hard....I give all of us step families alot of credit...We need a standing novation.....

planningMyEscape's picture

Submitted by planningMyEscape on Tue, 01/24/2012 - 12:13pm

I have to biokids and 2 step kids. I would rather have my bio kids 24/7 with no breaks ever, then have my step kids a few hours everyday. I DREAD the time the skids are here, and yeah it is hard sometimes with my bios too, but it is not, AT ALL the same. The person who made that remark to you has absolutely no idea.

Biokids are family. Skids are annoying, rude "guests" who never stop coming back to disrupt your life/house. Not even in the same ballpark.

hurtandalone's picture

Submitted by hurtandalone on Tue, 01/24/2012 - 12:18pm

Yeah, I get you.... We are full time with my skids (SD6, SS4) and their mother lives across the country, so we dont even get evey other weekend.... its hard, really really hard.

riekate's picture

Submitted by riekate on Tue, 01/24/2012 - 12:27pm

Thanks for the support. It is nice know I am not the only one feeling this way. The thing is they aren't bad kids, I feel so thankful that I am not in the situation a lot of the families in Step Talk are in so I start to feeling getting about wanting a night to myself a couple of times a month, even though I get two weekends a month off.

Jsmom's picture

Submitted by Jsmom on Tue, 01/24/2012 - 1:19pm

I understand but only if things are not going well. SS is not a problem for me so it is fine. When SD lived here, I was so glad for 50/50 custody.

But, I will tell you this, I was widowed at 34 with a 6 year old child. My friends would complain about being a single parent and how hard it was. They were divorced and could send their kids to their dad's or relatives. I went off on a friend once that she was not a "single" parent. She had a dad in her childs life. Actually a pretty good dad. I was a single mom. There was just me.

If it bothers you what they say, tell them. I always felt better after I did and trust me my situation it happened all the time. For the first few years, I would let these remarks go and it would bother me. When I eventually started saying something back, I felt a hell of a lot better and my friends and my family was a lot more careful in how they talked to me about this stuff.

Most Evil's picture

Submitted by Most Evil on Wed, 01/25/2012 - 6:08am

I think they are just being assholes, and trying to stuff PC crap down your throat.!!!!

I agree with saying things back to them when they presume to judge you!!!