I am fuming this evening about the child support. I am no money hungry grubbing bitch but since FDH took this new position to create more income for this family I have been full time mom practically alone. Why is this? Because BM won't pay. Doesn't feel she needs to. See in BMs world whatever care she provides for the kids when they are in her care is all she owes. She passes this bullshit on to sd9 who eats it up with a spoon. sd9 is very very empathetic and she tends to be very sensitive to peoples feelings. So when mom sits and cries "Im a victim" her instinct is to pet poor mom and defend her EVEN IF MOM'S VICTIMHOOD IS TAKING THE FOOD RIGHT OUT OF HER MOUTH!

Its been 2 years now. Not a single CS check. See the support got ordered in August a couple years ago. By September she was out of a job. BM has some serious shoplifting/klepto issues. SD15 remembers being 6 years old and watching her mom put stuff in her purse in the dressing room and wondering why she didnt pay for it. FDH says that even when he was making 6+ figures per year that BM was STILL shoplifting. Allll the money in the world at her disposal that FDH could throw at her and she just had to bring her favorite pair of 5 finger pliers to pry tags off at the mall. Needless to say after the multitude of times she was caught shoplifting with the kids CPS stood in and screamed "NEGLECT!". The courts gave her a slap on the wrist with the first one. The second one came within 4 weeks of the first. Judge wasn't happy. Slapped her with probation. Third one came shortly after that. DIFFERENT county so she got another slap. She lifted some goods from her job and got fired and prosecuted. We drove by her house as the police were raiding it and yanking said items out. EPIC.

Anyways her bf (dingus) has NO idea about any of it. She has done what she does best. Lied her ass off. So he being the control freak he is "wont let her" get a job at a fast food place (its beneath her - which is code for he is too embarrassed for his high and mighty family to find out his g/f works at mickey d's than have her bring money in) and she can't work as a waitress (too many guys will hit on her or she will go around picking guys up). She isn't even allowed to go to the bar with him because one time she hugged a 77 year old man. So in Dingus's world the only job she can work is retail. So he nags her for not paying her share and holds all the money over her head. She isn't even allowed to get the kids Wednesday nights for dinner (as offered by myself and FDH) because he says it isn't worth the gas $ and its HIS gas not hers. Ladies and Gentleman what is the ONE line of work BM can not get a job in specifically due to felony shoplifting charges? TA DA - RETAIL! So he bitches, she applies and lies on her applications about it and they screen her and she never hears back. Dingus has no clue about her felony and BM won't tell him so she can get a job as a waitress that pays tips!

Not that she is trying too hard. The state is prosecuting her for non payment. They forced her to show proof of trying to get a job. She turned in 15 applications all dated for the same day that she had lied on all of and some didn't even have her info right. She set up her hours of availability so she could sleep in and come home early Mon-Fri. Ridiculous and the state called it out too. Judge said he would put her in jail but the jails in the county are currently just too crowded.

All of these things I have accepted. Blah blah blah BM is a piece of work. Blah blah blah. Do i EVER expect to see CS - nope. HERE is what has me SO angry. SD9 treats my income like it is just a given in our home. She holds BM to a different standard. She doesn't want to acknowledge me as a mom in my home for fear of stepping on poor victim BM's toes but has NO problem including my cash in her family funds allocation. Example. We were talking about moving. She asks if she would still see mom on weekends. I say no but during school vacations that her mom is welcome to fly them out to stay with her a couple weeks and see them. She says well plane tickets cost a lot of money, and says something to the effect of well mom doesn't have any money why can't we pay for it since we are the ones moving away from her? I'm like do you have a mouse in your pocket? Who the fuck is this "We" and how did they get so much money? THEN we are talking about going to a school event and how they have raffle baskets to bid on. She says we should bid on the basket her class made. All the parents in the class donated an item to the basket which is an animal themed basket. I bought her a set of dog dishes to donate. So she adds on to the whole bidding on her basket thing "Yeah but if we win, we can just give the dog dishes you bought to mom for her cat cuz we already have lots of dishes for our dogs here and she only has plastic containers for the cat)" I'm say flatly um no, we wont be bidding on anything - she says why? I say well moneybags (insert sd9s name instead) we don't need an animal themed basket and if your mom needs dishes for her cat I got them at such and such store for $1.00.

Someone explain to me at what point in time I got the GLORIOUS oppor-fucking-tunity to support 4 kids, 2 dogs, 1 house, Myself, FDH, My local charities, church AND BM!?!?!!?!! Like are you SERIOUS right now? Where the hell did she get this idea that "our families money" (when did she get a job??) goes to support BM and all of her HORRENDOUS life decisions.

BM isn't dirt poor because misfortune fell upon her. BM is poor because she is a liar and is dishonest. She stole from her job and was unable to get unemployment because of it. She is living off of her abusive drug addicted asshole boyfriend because she lied to him about why she was fired and he let her move in and now he is the only person she has left to support herself. He is waggling dollar bills above her head and she is jumping for them because she can't suck up her pride, move to a homeless shelter for a month or two and get a REAL job like the rest of us where she makes an honest living. This means she has to TELL THE TRUTH about her background. This means she has to be uncomfy for a bit. This means she has to be honest with HERSELF and her life and where it is. It's called a reality check and I have had MANY of them over the years. I can sit here and honestly say "Ya know what? I lost that friend because I was a douche and was a bad friend" or "I have no money because I spent it on stupid crap and I am making bad decisions". Welcome to being an adult.

I can appreciate sd9's compassion for her mother. I welcome that attitude. Compassion is a wonderful gift for those who have it. What I cannot stand is how OUT OF TOUCH she is about all this. She just thinks we are rolling in the dough and that she is somehow entitled to it too and because of all that her mom has no responsibility to her whatsoever. sd15 went through this until FDH gave her a giant reality check. sd15 is now resentful toward her mother for not being a MOM and helping to support her.
A few weekends ago sd9 had no snow pants for the first snow. The school said she HAD to have them to go outside for recess or she would sit inside. I asked her to look for her missing pair from last year at BMs when she went and if she couldn't find them to call and let me know. She calls and says no she cant find them. She has been going on for DAYS about how worried she is that she wont have them and how bad she needs them. I ask her on the phone if BM will buy her a new pair. She asks. BM says nope, she doesn't have any money. Sd9 sounds like "well that's just how it is" no concern or upset. She just moves on and asks if I will have them for her when she returns. I did not have them. I didn't have the money for them either. Why? Because I have to actually pay for skids lives. Food. Shelter. Electricity. Heat. Those things they enjoy 96% of the time at our house. She gets all upset and mad at me/fdh because she didn't have the snow pants. I was soooo tempted to look at her and tell her that if her flaky deadbeat mom did what SHE was supposed to she would never go without the things she needed because it isn't OUR responsibility to do this alone. It isn't mine at all, and it isn't FDH's to do by himself.

FDH has been super accommodating to BM. Even with no custodial rights he has offered her olive branches. He offered her the ability to claim 2 kids on her taxes every year as long as she made her CS payments - he even included this in their court documents. He offered her REDUCED CS payments if she would just get a job and start helping. He told her they could go back together and he would work out something fair for her and for the kids as far as CS goes since he knew she wouldn't be making more money than she did at her previous job. He offered to get the settlement amended so she wasn't responsible for any medical or dental/vision care (she is supposed to provide 100%) and that they could go 50/50 on schooling and daycare IF SHE WOULD ONLY GET A FUCKING JOB. He even offered to pay one full round trip visit for the kids once a year and go 50/50 on the rest as long as she made her support payments! She wont even take the kids to the DR because it is HER time and costs too much gas $ to do. Guess its Smoms job to do EVERY FUCKING THING for your kids while you sit and cry boo waaahhh poor me!

All of this has come to a head and I know FDH is super bitter about it as well. I called him and told him what happened this evening with the plane ticket etc. He is going to talk to sd9 tomorrow. I am so not greedy for $. I share everything I have and make with FDH and kids. I have never asked for anything back or expected it. But i RESENT being treated like the never ending purse with both my and fdh's money for sd9 who is so far out of touch with BM and her role. BM wanted a huge family. She WANTED all these kids but won't so much as help put clothes on their backs and that is WRONG to expect me to do it - no matter WHAT she thinks our income is. I don't care if i blew the entire CS check on the water bill or the electric or clothing. I don't care if she wanted us to show proof of what we spent it on. No problem! Will do! I just want to have her do her part even if it is tiny. UGHHHHHHH *scream*