Nice to meet you Flabbergasted...

You can read thru my blog posts- the old SM ones are gone now. Tucked away for safe keeping for the big memoir someday. But the ones post finding out my now Exh (and exSF to my sons/father to SD/and BF to my DD) was tossing me for a new improved blended family are still here. It's a dramatic yet somewhat boring tale of woe for me to ever re-visit myself, but I suppose can be a lesson in what can happen when you can't ever get ahold of yourself while surrounded by toxic people in a blended family.

Thanks Aggravated...I don't know that they'll crash and burn. I just know the more full my life gets, the more healthy my life is, the less I attach to or care about the two of them. I wouldn't trade places for anything in the world with either of them. He no longer even has SD-she was gone within the first year. I don't even know where she is, and neither does my DD which is really hard on her and scary actually. She knows SD and exH raged at each other night and day, and then SD went away. I imagine that weighs heavily on her fears of abandonment. She's in therapy -seeing SD's old counselor now. I think that's a good fit.

I think dating has been a healthy yet at times neurotic step. I often misinterpret his laid back nature for pulling back, and then when I re-focus on my kids and myself he "magically" comes back my way. Then I realize it wasn't him changing- it was my perception he was.

He's really sweet- good gift giver too. He actually surprised me on Valentine's day with the first 3 seasons of Mad About You- one of my all time favorite shows I would quote on FB a lot. He signed his card, "Thank you for bringing a light back into my life." Wow. Ditto.

We'll see. I'm not worried about a destination with him and that's a first. He's also been married twice- long term marriages but no kids. When it comes down to it I already loved him as a friend before we even started. That's nice-I've never started there before. It seems to be a more natural and healthy pace for that love to grow into the deeper sort. And...well...there's a whole lot of chemistry I don't know that I've shared with the two men I married. I think part of that is his creative brain really tickles a part of my psyche. Among other places.

Anyway...he helps me feel whole. Not because I need a man...because because I know now that I can open back up, that I can trust someone again, and that I can be a light for someone else.

Thanks Jsmom- how are you?

Yes indeed he is sweet. Told me in the beginning "I want you to set the pace where you're comfortable after all you've been thru." Yikes. That's uncomfortable!

Oh I'm checking in here and there.

I think of you too BettyRay! How are YOU?

Hey there FF!

Thanks. I have found even in DD's few counseling visits that it's frustrating when counselors are giving sound advice based on books and studies when I know a lot of first hand issues that they just don't get never living in the midst of it. The best therapist I had was one I went to when we were fighting for and won custody of SD. She was a SM. She wrote me an RX that said "What do I need to do for myself to make me happy?" She also asked to meet now exH, and asked him what he was doing to relieve the burden of SD's and BM's issues from my shoulders. I think he was a bit miffed if I recall. Then...after meeting him she asked me to read "The Emotionally Unavailable Man." Hmmmm....

I told SD's child psychologist that on her next appt (without SD in the room of course.) SHE then suggested I add "Toxic Relationship Patterns." Hmmmm again. I didn't read either. I was already in deep by then.

I hope I can bring something new to the profession. Our society needs to catch up with this issue. In my opinion now that I'm out? Blended families breed unhealthy levels of codependency even in non codependent people. I thought I was codependent, but my therapist says NO. So...hmmm...more research to do while I work on the masters.

Of course I remember you! You were quite the controversial poster at times- always tossing out the tough subjects. Glad to hear about the book. I'll have to check it out sometime. Right now we just started rehearsing Oliver and will be running to a theatre about 35 mins away half the time. UGH...I've done two amazing straight plays this year- one on 9/11 that was awesome, followed up by Rabbit Hole. Also awesome. Really wanted a break but when my BF and DD both wanted to do this show I thought it was a good opportunity for all of us to hang out. She's struggling with my dating a bit. She said she doesn't like her dad having a GF but can't tell him that, and since I won't get mad she can tell me she doesn't want me to have a BF. Sigh...and so it begins right? I'm glad for you to hear you're getting out. On your terms. I would have gone down with that dysfunctional ship myself. I am just a fixer. Tho I will say...I've grown out of that exponentially. I no longer have any desire to save or fix anyone. But myself anyway.

Thanks Frustrated. I miss everyone here. But am happy to no longer "need" this site in that capacity. }:)

Thanks! Love your Churchill quote!

It's been a long journey Stormabruin. And your name is exactly how I felt about the time you were joining. I just didn't know why I felt that way. Sigh.

A year makes a huge difference. Two years ago on March 19th Vic from here flew from TX to hold my hand the weekend of my anniversary. Last year I spent it connecting with friends off and on all day and did spiritual things to reclaim it (and WON a TV at our local Home and Garden Expo- how's that for the universe showing some kindness on a difficult day!)

This year? I kept forgetting what day it was. And...spent the evening at rehearsal with my new guy and DD.

Thanks Druzzilla. Like you quote too. I don't know about revenge but reclaiming my life has been a sweet reward!

I am glowing. My health? Well...still need to lose some weight. This new guy is treating me to dinner too much. However...he has never been concerned with the weight of his women and that's been kinda nice. But hoping this play will take the last 20 off I've been fighting for several years now.

I see the oncologist next month again. Haven't had a recurrence worth treating yet. My new guy does know the history tho and is very concerned and supportive- something I didn't have when I was diagnosed and didn't know my then H was in an affair.

Feeling pretty good now that I have a plan in place for grad school tho.

Hi Twopines. I'm sorry to say I don't remember a lot of people from their screennames in general, but your name rings a bell for some reason. I plan on glancing back thru blogs here and there to catch up. I was fortunate to be asked to another private group after my now ex raged about the blogs about his affair so that I could post without fearing he or the OW were reading them. Now I only really can remember the people from that group, or the people I came to know in "real life" IE FB friendships. Thanks for the well wishes!

Awww....SG, thanks for thinking of me. I swear the past few years I've been graced with so much love and light at times I don't even know who's sending it. I remember a real life friend, married young dad I know thru theatre, is in a band that's pretty big locally. He was playing at our monthly arts event downtown last summer and I was there alone after handing off DD to her dad earlier in the evening. I walked up to their outside gig, and he waved. I actually thought "Is he waving at someone else?" Because we don't know each other that well outside of theatre and FB. After they finished he came up, gave me a huge hug and said, "How are you sweetie? I read your FB posts often and am always wishing you well." It was so sweet. I couldn't believe it. I never know who's reading and who's caring but I will say I always FEEL the love that comes to me from afar. Catch me up when you can via PM if you want- as to what's going on in your life these days.

Thanks Foxie- I pop on here but don't post anymore. how are you doing?