the same exact thing happened to me, only sd was 16. her mom went to FL to be with her son's dad after 15 years of having nothing to do with him, and dropped sd on our doorstep. it was damn near devastating to me, as just having her eowe was more than enough for me.

she took her anger at her mother out on me, of course. went out of her way to try to chase me away so it would be just her and daddy. she would have succeeded if it hadn't been for bs who was 8 months at the time. if not for him, i would have been gone and never looked back. she did everything in her power to make that year hell for me. i had so much resentment that bm got to live free while i was dealing with her brat every day. bm paid a total of $60 cs for the whole year. meanwhile, i was busting my ass at a job i hated and taking care of her ungrateful rotten kid.

hopefully with sd being younger, she won't be as bad as mine was. she will probably take her frustrations out on you though. good luck with this, i hope it goes better for you than it did me.

On a positive note you won't have to deal with BM quite as much, hopefully, and then you and your husband set the ground rules from day one and hopefully with the constant structure and and boundaries it won't be as bad. My DH and I have his two kids full time and their BM doesn't have anything to do with them. While it's hard to be with them ALL the time it's made it better in the long run I think because we don't have to deal with the drama that other people tend to have to deal with. We've provided a safe, secure loving environment and I think in the long run they will grow into better people than having to go back and forth all the time between parenst. But that's just my opinion.

God bless you K8tie, that is going to be tough. You will be the ultimate dumping ground for SD's anger and resentment.

However, you have a least a theoretical chance of making things better, since BM will be out of the picture. In my situation, DW and I had SD17 about 90% of the time, but that 10% of the time at her bio-dad's house was really problematic. He relentlessly PASed her for years, which led to all sorts of loyalty issues and conflicts in our household. After better than a decade of this, I completely disengaged, which allowed me to preserve my sanity. Recently, SD17 actually went to live with her bio-daddy, which has really helped a lot.

Keep us posted on how this turns out for you.

Its going to be an adjustment, but I know you can do it . When dh got custody of ss this is what I did: parenting books. and lots of em. find some specifically geared toward her age range so that you know what is normal/not. anything specifically relating to her/your situation is also very good. make some friends with couples/women who have kids at her school and arrange playdates - healthy socialization is important! if you dont have a pediatrician already, get a recommendation and get her in for a check up. tell the doc your concerns about her maturity level and what is going on with the bm. if she doesnt have a dentist already, get a recommendation and set up an appointment. find your local art store. learn to LOVE your local art store . same goes for the park. find a kids museum/art museum in your area. Get a recommendation for a babysitter from a friend with kids unless you have relatives of babysitting age. set up a weekly date with your dh (i will swear by this). start keeping a very detailed journal (dates and times) of every interaction with BM. you may be going to court to terminate her rights / drastically change the CO someday and you need to prepare for that. talk to family members about parenting and marriage with children. get some perspective . Set up a routine for her - after school its play time, after play time is dinner time, then comes bedtime. bedtime is at X time everynight and at bed time we first take a bath, then brush our teeth, then jammies, then story, then bed. It makes it easier for them and you. I know you will be a good parent, because you care. just take it one step at a time and remember that being a parent CAN be fun, being around kids CAN be fun. If all else fails, counceling is great.

I wish DH and I could get this lucky with SS3- she's talked about going to live with her grandfather in FL several times from PA. I wish her and her bf would break up so that she's homeless again and she would just leave- we already have over 50% custody so if she moves, it defaults to us full custody and her with no rights.

ANYHOW- best of luck to you, it's going to be an adjustment, but I sincerly hope that you will be able to get SD under control and move on living a happy life together. Good Luck- prayers sent your way.