Drama with XSD & Nasty (Part 2) --- SO is looking for advice
*Please read the first blog, "Drama with XSD & Nasty (Part 1)" http://steptalk.org/node/64514 for the background & history...*
SS9 texted Nasty yesterday asking if they could Skype…so the resident Skids FINALLY got face time with BM after over 2 months of next to nothing aside from empty promises.
When the Skids were done Skyping with Nasty, XSD (almost 16) got online wanting to talk with SO. She was obviously distraught & SO started plying information from her as to why she was so upset. She was crying…a lot. Her issue was that she felt she never had a “real family” & she is “crushed because she isn’t being raised with her own siblings & mother”…SO told her that he understands & is sorry that she is hurting…told her again that he missed her & wished that the Skids & her could spend more time together. He reminded her that they were a family for 8 years…however, XSD cut him off saying “No, it didn’t ever feel like a real family”. She got offline shortly after that statement which left SO with a very hideous taste in his mouth…
This morning, SO gets a text from Nasty saying “I know you talked to XSD for a bit last, but I would like to share with you a bit more of what is going on.”…
Nasty told SO that XSD hates him & does not want to see him this summer because…
-SO abandoned XSD in VA & clearly doesn’t truly care about her
-It’s SO’s fault that Nasty got involved with (A LOT) of bad guys (WHORE)…you know, because HE quit paying HER bills
-SO is a crappy father (even though he has full custody of SS9 & SD8)
-It’s SO’s fault that XSD is forced to live in Germany with GP’s…even though Nasty refused to let SO take care of her & instead gave XSD to the GP’s without SO even knowing about it.
-It’s SO’s fault that SO hasn’t seen her since 2009 (even though GP’s refused to let him…even threatened to call the police)
-It’s SO’s fault that Nasty was unhappy in their marriage because God forbid, he was injured in the line of duty & that was why Nasty was so bitterly unhappy.
-It is also SO’s fault that he did not want to share a home with Nasty after their divorce, Nasty’s dream was that SO would care for the home & Skids while she whored around. He instead opted to move to TX so that he had a support network to help him with the Skids (they are HIGH maintenance children, BTW).
-Last but not least, SO isn’t working & THAT is why Nasty has to pay CS (He’s going to school, which the VA is paying for & he’s medically retired, so he gets plenty of money…BTW) so she’s too broke to live.
When I got up this morning at 8:30am, the above is what I was greeted with. SO, was smiling in front of the Skids but he’s upset...He responded to Nasty’s stupidity as/when needed (I haven’t gotten more than what I’m giving you though) on the phone.
He asked that I post a blog here seeking your advice.
He wants to wait until Wednesday (when Nasty will no longer be in GA) & let her know in detail what Nasty said…see if Nasty was telling the truth about how XSD feels & if that is indeed the case, clarify what ACTUALLY transpired & why things ended up the way they are today. XSD is going to be 16 in May.
What are your thoughts on how he should proceed?
I’m sorry this is so long & thank you in advance for your help/thoughts.
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Comments
I think your DH should be
I think your DH should be commended for trying to keep in touch and support this child as much as he has. At 15, XSD is old enough to be asked if it's the truth.
If it is, I would bow to her wishes and leave her alone - knowing he did the best he could for her with the restraints placed on him by the situation.
If it isn't, it's one more thing on the karma bus you hope BM gets smacked with.
Way to go DH for trying to maintain a part of XSD's family and not abandoning XSD when things got rough.
Thank you Simifan. IF it
Thank you Simifan.
IF it turns out that XSD did indeed say these things...what do you think about SO telling her the truth (which is far less BM friendly than Nasty's story)?
I would go further and
I would go further and suggest that actually you will have to give some detail relevant to the number of unfair and untrue accusations xsd has been fed.
Stick to the facts, tell xsd that SO wanted her x times but GP stopped him, that BM signed over her parental rights without informing SO and refused to allow any access. Explain that as SO doesnt have legal rights to xsd, he hasnt been able to force BM/GP hand like he has with ss/sd.
XSD deserves to be told the truth, this isnt about slagging BM off. To me badmouthing someone tends to be out of context and unnecessary, this is neither. Stick to the facts. BM said x, the truth is Y.
She is nearly 16 and is being abused by these relatives of hers, they are trying to completely alienate SO and xsd from one another. If xsd didnt care about SO she wouldnt be hurt and verbally tell SO what she thinks, but she does and that to me is abuseive. By not telling xsd the truth (which she is entitled to know given this is her life) she isnt being protected from these idiots, you are playing into their hands, dont give them this power over her life to twist and manipulate her. Its not fair to her and tbh she should get a heads up what kind of "loving" relatives she lives with!