The I in my "we"...
So, after everything that happened in court, and everything that happened yesterday with BM going and seeing the skids...I had a major realization.
I actually had it after listening to the court hearing. That I have absolutely no say in the way my life is going to be...for the rest of my life (if I stay married to DH). I just simply, dont. I mean, my life entirely changed Monday. Granted, DH and I had discussed everything that we wanted to happen and what not before the hearing. But, the fact that I wasn't needed to even testify (Dhs atty asked him if he wanted me to at the end but said that he didn't think I was needed and knew I really really was nervous and didn't want to anyway). But the fact that I wasn't needed to speak on something that was going to change MY entire life, (doesn't change DHs, even though BM fakes it and wants people to think shes devastated, it only BENEFITS her life), and I am the only one that didn't testify. It just solidified to me that I truly have no say in this matter. Period. Judge doesn't care what step mom has to say.
Which I mean, okay that's fine and I completely understand the logistics of it, but yeah. It's kind of disheartening to know that I have no say. I take care of these kids. I make dinner, I do homework, I give baths, I buy clothing, I wash clothing, I clean their rooms, I clean their bathroom, and I STILL have a VERY full time job and contribute to them financially. And yet...I have no say. It makes me sad.
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Wow, I so feel you on this
Wow, I so feel you on this one! I have not spoken one word in court. I did support and actually push my husband to finally take his ex to court, but we never fully expected her to lose all custody and visitation. My husband works 10.5 hour shifts, driving half an hour both ways. I am the one at home raising all the kids! And I feel like I don't have a say in anything, or any help or support. My husband is tired after his long week but he used to help out around the house and with the kids on the weekends. Now he's gotten kinda lazy and doesn't do anything. My life has changed drastically in the last year and it seems like I am the only one that has acknowledged that. I joined this website today because I feel like I am drowning.
All my friends say "I couldn't do what you are doing!" But really, who walks away from their marriage because they are getting full-time step-kids?!?! :?
Yep. It isn't that I don't
Yep. It isn't that I don't want this, and while I know I don't HAVE to do the things listed, the fact is I married my husband so therefore his responsibilities are now mine. Including the children. We are a family and if they were my children I would do all the things listed when DH wasn't here. DH works 830-8 plus 30 min drive each way every day except Tuesday and Sunday. Saturday's he works 9-6. I can pretty much work when I want to and I can do a lot from home as well so I am the one here. I don't feel obligated. Just a little sad that legally, I have no say. My entire life and how it's arranged is based on what those two idiots (DH and BM) can come up with in court. I pushed DH to get custody. I put everything together, yes he knows and sees the issues with BM but I really don't think he would've have the time energy or patience to put together the case against her that I did. I handed everything over to his atty. Atty even said to him "she's smart, she coveted every base, you might not even need me if there is a next time". Of corse we'd never go pro se. Ever. But it made me feel better. Regardless of this, I'm happy that we won, I'm happy that we have the skids. I happy about all of it...
Most of the time.
Meanwhile, DH just walked in and is in a terrible mood bc he had a ba day at work. Oh joy. There goes the rest of my evening. When he gets like this he's impossible. All he wants is to quit his job. Well, the way I look at it, he has no education and his job is the only job he can get that pays what this one does. He makes 6 figures and absolutely could NOT make that anywhere other than the industry he's in. I tell him he can get another job but that no other job could afford us the lifestyle we have now. I'm willing to compromise on some things. But he just complains and never looks for anything else.
i feel the same way i was
i feel the same way i was just talking to my mom the other day and told her that step parents have it harder than the real ones we love the kids that are not ours take care of them and are responsable for them and no one listen to us we will never be acknowleged and it is disconserning alot of the times and i do wonder sometimes wether i made the right dission marring into a family that had so many problems that wernt my own and you know what we do have to be stronger than most to deal with what we do the bm's are always going to poison the children agenst us and it's very hard
THIS is one of the reasons im
THIS is one of the reasons im reluctant to have my own children!! Well one of the reasons. I cannot justify bringing an innocent little being into this hell that I live sometimes bc of our situation. It just isn't fair. BMs like ours don't care who they hurt or "bring down" with them though. Stupid fucking bitches. (((((mazzy))))) I'm soo sorry you're going through this. I feel for you.