Cool or Not Cool? Honest opinions please.
Last year DH got attitude when I was buying outift for the kids (all the kids, step and bio) to take our annual Christmas picture. Said it was a waste of money, had attitude, and asked why are we still doing that. I was with my mom at the time he called and said all this, so I didn't really say anything back (didnt want to fight in front of my mother) and just finished my shopping. We took the picture that weekend.
The skids, true to form, behaved horribly. SD refused to smile in any picture that she wasn't in by herself (ive have a group shot done and then an individual of each kid for their individual grandparents). So all the group shots have her pouting and making her stank face. And SS wouldn't focus and look at the camera...shot after shot of him looking off to the side or at the ceiling. Sad that the only one that consistantly looking at the camera and smiled was bs-then 2 yrs old. Bought the best group shot I could find of the bunch. Never hung it up because everytime I look at it it just brings back the frustration of that day.
I asked Dh last weekend if he wanted to do a Christmas picture this year, since he was so negative about it last year (hs claims to not remember giving me shit about it). I said that if so I need to be watching.g the sales to get their outfits. He said, well if that's the case, then no, I do not want a Christmas picture (meaning he didn't want me spending.g money on the clothes).
Ok, fine. He doesnt want a Christmas picture of HIS kids. So my plan is to just take a picture of MY (our) kids for Christmas, because. I DO want a yearly Christmas picture to give to my parents and grandparents. Just want to double check that I am in the right here.
He will be pissed when he finds out I took my boys for portraits, but left out his two (they live with us full time). And I k ow that I will get comments from other family members as to why only the little boys got pictures done. I don't mind taking some flack. But I want to see what you guys think of this before I commit. Is this an ok thing to do? Or am I being the evil stepmother here?
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Yes, they live with us full
Yes, they live with us full time.
I would give them to my
I would give them to my family, not his.
Normally I would also post to Facebook and hang on the wall (replace last years picture)... But I would just tuck the original away in an album if I only took it of my boys.
Have you tried talking to Dh
Have you tried talking to Dh about it? Maybe say that you want a picture of BS with just his parents for his baby book? Or that your mom wanted a picture of just you three?
Or go for a session and order both a full family and one of just you three. The skids wouldn't know which poses you ultimately buy?
Yes, we have 4 kids in the
Yes, we have 4 kids in the house. Ss10, Sd9, bs3 and bs4month. My two bios also to Dh.
The reason behind only taking a picture of my two is that I want the picture but Dh doesn't. I am tired of putting in all this effort to do for kids that aren't even mine and getting crapped on for it. It was one thing when he didn't help and just expected it get done. But when last year he was yelling at me and giving me crap for putting this effort into his kids, I had enough. If he doesn't want Christmas pictures of his kids why should I stress myself out finding coordinating outfits, pay for the outfits, get them ready by myself, take them to get the portrait by myself and pay for the portraits by myself.....only to get attitude?
He probably doesn't care one way or the other about the actual picture. He never noticed that I didn't hang up last years. He will take credit for them when other people comment on them, but he never has anything to do with them.
As for using outfits that they already have.... Not really. The skid probably have something that they could wear, but my kids are so young and grow so fast that anything from last year won't fit my older son, and the baby doesn't have any Christmas portrait worthy clothes yet.
So its either he's mad that I include all the kids, he's mad that I only include.mine, or I don't get the picture that I want.
He does or doesn't want a
He does or doesn't want a picture of the SK's? I read it as if he DOES want a picture of them. So if he DOES, does that mean ALL of you, or just SK's?
Sorry, phone autocorrected
Sorry, phone autocorrected that on me. He does NOT want a Christmas picture he said. He thinks its a waste of money (my money, but whatever)
Sorry Echo, I didn't see your
Sorry Echo, I didn't see your post. I think I was typing and posting mine as you posted.
I'm glad you addressed the children's behaviors. I do agree that letting them behave like "little shits" for a picture shouldn't be accepted. I think that letting them act that way makes them believe that you don't reprimand them for it because you harbor some type of guilt and that they're just appropriately expressing it. However, if you did leave them out of a picture, I would more able to understand why they feel like they aren't wanting a "family" picture; they aren't treated like family. If you wouldn't accept the behavior from your own child, don't accept it from the,
If the picture is for you
If the picture is for you personally to have of your family and hang on your walls to look back and "remember the days", maybe you could just put on the nicest outfits they already have for it.
I always like getting pictures of families sitting at home in front of their tree, and I think you could probably do something like this in casual sweaters, "church clothes", and even the old jeans and a white t-shirt for all type of theme.
If the picture is really important to you, find a way to compromise to get it done. Or, maybe you can ask husband for this to be your X-Mas gift and part of your X-mas money go towards the clothes. But, only if it is THAT important to YOU!
It's my personal money that
It's my personal money that is used for this every year. He's never put a single dime to any pictures of any of the kids.
Yea...I don't see it as a
Yea...I don't see it as a great idea.
My SD15 lives with us
My SD15 lives with us fulltime. Last year I took DD10 out of school early and took just her and BD4 to get pictures done. I never told him. I sent the pictures to my out of town family and put my pics in their scrapbooks that I make for them. That way I have the pics and I don't have to see SD's annoying face.
BD was only 3 at the time and didn't mention it but I bet this year she would say something. Oh well I don't really care what he thinks!
i think it's fine. if he's
i think it's fine. if he's going to give you grief about it, you are doing the only thing you can. compromising. you want it done, he doesn't. fine. you get your kids done, and his kids that are not yours don't have to. he can explain to everyone why that is. i have had mother's day pictures done twice and it's just me and my 2. i don't give out those pics to fdh's family, so who cares? i think it's bullshit how much of a stresser and issue pictures have to be in stepfamilies. we are getting family pics done next summer. i'm not inviting sd. she can take her bf and kid and get her own if she wants them. but i'm sure i'll still be the asshole for not having the 3 of them join our picture. :?
Exactly. If he doesn't want
Exactly.
If he doesn't want pictures and you do. By all means, get pictures taken of your kids. I think that's actually a win-win solution - he gets what he wants and you get what you want.
I think maybe what you do is
I think maybe what you do is bring it up to the whole family, like at dinner. Say something like I want to do Christmas pictures but if you don't want to be in it then you don't have to be. If you choose to be, I will expect you to act and behave as if we are a family. If you choose not to do this, that's fine, but I will be taking the little ones to get pictures for my family because it means a lot to them. I would love for all of us to be in the picture but last year it was clear some of you didn't want to do so. I just want you to know that you have a choice, but I am going to take pictures of the little ones regardless. Put the decision back on them so that they can't claim you didn't want them in the picture. It was their choice and you can put it back on them. Then you can hang it, post it, do whatever you damn well choose because everyone in the process was given a choice.
It's not up to children to
It's not up to children to decide whether they participate in family activities. That is for the parents to decide. I decided that my two boys will have their portraits done, and Dh needs to decide for his two. I am not setting a precident where these kids feel that they have the power to dictate when they will and will not do as they are asked.
And what if one decides to be in the picture and the other decides not to? That will be nightmare to explain why one child was left out (hearing the poor stepkid violin playing already).
My issue isn't with the skids behavior (its awful all the time, why would picture day be any different?) It's with Dh. I am tired of bending over backwards only to be shit on. He doesn't want Xmas pictures, fine. But then don't try to stop me from doing them.
I take pictures of all 4- get yelled at and attitude
Take picture of just mine- likely get yelled at and attitude
Skip pictures all together- then I'm pissed, and there's a fairly good chance that I still get yelled at when his family questions why there's no Xmas picture.
That's the synopsis of my
That's the synopsis of my life as a stepmother..... Lose-lose situations. No matter what I do, its never good enough
One would think that me spending my own money and time to take pictures of his kids that he'd be greatful. I expected nothing from him, and gave his kids all the benefits like they were my own..... But.not good enough. Even when I try to go above and beyond, is still crap.
Yep! He got into a huge tiff
Yep!
He got into a huge tiff with his mom once and told me to stop sending her pictures of the skids. That if she wants pictures she can order them off snapfish herself like everyone else.(I would send her a pack of pictures every month).
Two months later he starts flipping out that I haven't sent her pictures in "forever". Ummm, you told me not to!! Yeah, but I figured that you would go behind my back and still send that. That's fucked up that you haven't sent her any pictures.
Here is what I do for our
Here is what I do for our Xmas cards. In total there are 7 of us. DH and I, my 3 boys and his 2 kids. My 2 older boys no longer with me, SD12 lives with her mom. Since it is virtually impossible to get us ALL in a room at the same time to take Xmas pictures, I go thru my Iphoto library. Crop the best head shots of every single person. Go to Google, find FUNNY XMAS CARDS and superimpose our heads onto other peoples bodies. It ends up being the funniest card everyone gets and I get tons of compliments on the creativity.
i like that. i might check
i like that. i might check that out!