So, as you all know, I told DH that we were going to be having a serious discussion and he could either leave SD14 home at her mom's until we were done, or she could go outside. He elected to pick her up and allow her to sit in his truck while we spoke.

It was tense at first and he appeared annoyed but I looked at him and said "Care to explain the HUGE bomb you dropped on me and SD last night about 'you not being here if it weren't for me'????" And he seemed sad and looked at the floor and said that there happened to be a number of things going through his head and he would NEVER harm himself and wasn't trying to be manipulative, but wanted to drive home the fact that one day he isn't going to be here and she needs to stop taking him for granted. Ok, I get that; however, I told him flat out - that was the DUMBEST thing you could've said to her. To put that kind of stress and burden on her AND me, she's gonna think "golly gee, daddy wants my love SO much he's willing to KILL himself for me" and now how is she ever going to be honest with you, worried if she hurts your feelings, you'll put a bullet in your head?

So after explaining things, he said he'd sit her down after our discussion and let her know that he was wrong for saying that, he'd never hurt himself or anyone else and he was sorry. Which he did. But before all that - we discussed the whole BM situation knowing she wants more money but he doesn't want to give up time with SD. AND the fact that in less than 2 weeks, we'll be in a tiny, one bedroom apartment and I frankly, refuse to spend every other week with SD14 taking up my space and causing discomfort in such a small place.

We gathered our thoughts and decided to approach SD14 this way. We sat her down and he explained that he was wrong, sorry and etc for the stupid ass comment he made the night before. Then he said, "I want you to be 100% honest with me - what do YOU want to do?" She said she'd be more than happy to go back to the every other weekend schedule and that she'd talked with her mom and "that's all mom wants too". Which again, makes no sense, but beside the point.

She and I talked and I explained to her that no one wants to be uncomfortable at home. We recognize that she is, which in turn, we are, and no one should have to live every other week like that simply because that's what it says on a piece of paper written years ago. So, we decided to let SD14 stay home at her mom's after school today and he's having me draft an email to BM (because I'm a far better writer) basically stating that he's NOT going to force her, that was his promise to her and it simply makes everyone miserable. That SD14 WANTS to do as BM wants, every other weekend and dinners occasionally on Tuesday nights (mom works late) just as we were doing prior to the whole blowup in June. And if she still insisted on taking him to court, that's her prerogative, but he's NOT forcing SD and he's not forcing BM. He's leaving visitation up to SD14 with the stipulation that she comes at least once a month and continues to build a relationship with him.

After that lengthy, but positive conversation, I complimented SD14 on her speaking ability, which has GREATLY improved over summer. A lot less "likes" and ummmmmm uhhhhh's. DH turned on the football game, and SD asked to show me something in the spare room. So I followed her back there and she and I had a major breakthrough. She said "I trust you more than anyone, even after all this crap we went through. You're the only adult I can explain myself to and I hope that you're open to talking privately." Ok, I was afraid at first, because this kid has used my words against me before. She proceeded to tell me that mom has been dating a wonderful guy for the past 7 mos and she loves him, they have a great time, etc, but she was unsure how to approach DH because she didn't want him to get his feelings hurt. We already knew she was dating...

So I explained to her that DH and I are married and WANTED her mother to move on and her dad would be happy for her. Then she said that they're going on a class trip in June to Washington DC and mom paid the entire fee up front $1400 and was struggling financially. DING DING...makes sense why she'd be asking for more money! So, I told her DH would WANT to pay for half and he'd talk to BM about it and get that money over to her monthly to help her out. Had she simply sent him the information and asked him to chip in his half, we could've avoided all this - if that truly is where the money issue lies.

She agreed that there's NO reason to go to court and she doesn't want to go in front of a judge and pit her parents against each other. She just wants to be able to come over every other weekend and everyone be happy.

Then the bomb. SD14 said she's bisexual. No big deal to me - so am I. But that's another reason why she wanted to talk to me, as I'm the only adult she knows who is and I'd understand how she felt. Well, the reason behind telling me was because she wanted to know how to approach her mother as she wanted a completely open and honest relationship with both parents and she knew her dad would be ok with it, since he's obviously with me. She's afraid of telling her mom, that her mom will view her differently or not allow her to have sleepovers anymore. So, we talked a while and she agreed that she wanted to tell DH. I left the room, sent DH in so she could tell him. They talked for approximately 10 minutes, he came out and he said "no biggie", as I figured he would.

So SD14 is going home after school today (her mom's house backs school property) and DH is going to send her the email I draft explaining the breakthrough we made, the clarifications, the D.C. trip, and that SD14 doesn't want to go to court, if everyone is in agreement with every other weekend and occasional Tuesday evenings as we were doing before, there's no need to drag anyone into court. Plus, he's going to ask for the trip details and start sending her extra money on top of child support every month to pay for his half.

I feel MUCH better knowing there's a plan in place and everyone in my house at least, seems more comfortable with that. Now, it's in BM's hands if she wants her daughter to be happy and drop the court issue or not!

PHEW! Yesterday was so ffffing stressful!!!