School trips - responsibility for paying?
Hey all,
So SD14 just now came back into DH's life due to being forced by the court order and her mother insisting that DH go to mediation to change the parenting plan from 50/50 to every other weekend (so she can file for an increase in child support).
SD said that BM paid entirely for her upcoming school trip to D.C. next June. $1400. She took out a work loan apparently. BM nor SD had mentioned this at all to DH prior to last Sunday when SD came over for the first time since the beginning of summer.
I've talked with quite a few people and they say since DH pays BM child support and they didn't even inform him of this trip, he shouldn't feel as if he needs to pay for 1/2 of these expenses and SD can work odd jobs to help contribute if she wants to go.
My feeling is: my parents were poor and always told us kids if we wanted something extra, we were to earn it, plain and simple. My brother and I did odd jobs around the neighborhood to raise extra money for things we wanted to do. DH feels guilty and is trying to make up lost time with SD even though SD lied to her mom and said DH called her names and said she was no longer welcome at our place...
Frankly, I don't think she deserves the trip, unless she actually makes an effort to earn it, but of course, her parents would NEVER tell her no!!!
What's your thoughts on who pays for school trips?
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Comments
Dad already agreed to pay
Dad already agreed to pay half. He should be a man of his word. It doesn't matter what your "feeling" is.
I agree with SaF that if dad
I agree with SaF that if dad already said he'd pay, he should pay.
If he hadn't said that, do I think he should? Meh. I can see the arguments on both sides.i don't think it's a slam dunk either way.
I was wondering that too.
I was wondering that too. Where does it say he agreed to pay for it?
In my previous blog about the
In my previous blog about the final email he sent to BM - he agreed to pay for half if she'd forward the information from the school and questioned why it wasn't brought to his attention sooner.
If BM continues her quest to take him to court to raise child support, I don't think he's going to pay above and beyond for this trip. Since BM and SD never brought it up, BM paid for it and DH wasn't a part of that, he was feeling guilty and agreed to contributing.
Well if he offered and she
Well if he offered and she declined or didn't respond in a timely fashion, then I would say the offer is now off the table and he should do what he wants.
The only thing she responded
The only thing she responded to that email was "I'm still insisting on going to mediation"
So, he said if she takes him to court and gets child support increased, he's not paying 1/2 and will explain to SD that she's still able to go on the trip and the extra money her mother is getting every month can go toward his half.
DH agreed in an email to BM
DH agreed in an email to BM that he felt obligated to pay for 1/2 of the trip. However, if the bitch takes him to court for more CS, he's not going to.
SD will get to go on the trip, regardless. BM told her she could go and paid for it already. All without DH's knowledge. Only Sunday did we even learn of this trip after all had been said and done.
He asked me to get thoughts
He asked me to get thoughts of other people - that's why I posted. And yes, he does take into consideration how I feel since half of my money is his and half of his money is mine. We split expenses.
Is there something wrong with making SD14 work for an optional school trip? She already said half of her class isn't able to go due to the parents not being able to afford it and some of her friends are babysitting to earn money toward it...
There's nothing wrong with
There's nothing wrong with making her work to contribute...however, at 14, not sure where you think she can work to earn that kind of money.
Personally, I would pay for the trip. It would benefit my child. If I couldn't afford it, they wouldn't go. The school may also offer some fundraising oppportunities... I know our schools did for the DC trips at this age.
In this case, it doesn't matter NOW. Your DH already said he'd pay half. Whether he "shares" his money with you or thinks he wants random opinions, a man of honor would keep his word to his child instead of looking for ways out of it.
This. If you live where I do,
This.
If you live where I do, there are very few opportunities to work at 14. Babysitting would be about it, but even then, most parents really don't want to leave their kid with a 14 year old, they'd rather 18+.
Yeah, SD mentioned that a few
Yeah, SD mentioned that a few of her friends (also in that age range 13-14) are babysitting currently to earn money toward this trip
I babysat and did lawn work
I babysat and did lawn work as a younger teen to earn my own way, as my parents were pretty poor. We lived very modestly and I didn't get to go on any class trips at all, but I was proud to buy my own car at 16 and worked for any designer clothes/shoes I wore. Now, I could give a shit less about labels and do most of my clothes shopping at Target or Kohl's, but back then, as a teen, clothing meant a lot!
He never was consulted,
He never was consulted, except by SD14 last Sunday, so in his state of guilt and desire to rebuild a relationship with her, he agreed to pay for half.
So, he told BM in that email we sent her that if she'd forward information about the trip, we could work out paying for half of the trip.
However; if she insists on taking him to court to change the parenting plan and increase child support, she'll be getting more every month and he thinks that THIS money should go toward any extra trips/school expenses for SD.
BM never responded to him regarding paying for the trip - only said "I'm insisting on mediation, here are the numbers you need to set up an appt". He ignored that email. She hasn't agreed on anything and he's not going to pay anything extra until that is settled.
Oh I'm not angry at all. And
Oh I'm not angry at all. And I frankly don't care one way or another if he pays for it. I am simply gathering thoughts for him at his request.
I think he is only because he
I think he is only because he said it out of guilt (he's famous for speaking before he's thought things through) and the fact that BM hasn't moved away from wanting to increase child support.
He said he'll feel like a double whammy if he pays $700 toward the trip and then she takes him to court and increases child support.
His friends and family have all said that SD should be earning this trip and since she lied to her mother causing all kinds of drama, which ultimately, hurt DH a lot - that she needs to earn not only his trust, but this trip.
Yeah he does that WAY too
Yeah he does that WAY too much! He admits it. That's one thing that does drive me insane about him.
Like the time last Fall he told SD (then 13) that she could stay at our place for the weekend BY HERSELF while we attended a hotel Halloween party! Ummm, WHAT? She was totally irresponsible, and he's going to leave her there overnight by herself?
Was this reservation made
Was this reservation made without consulting with Dad?
Yes, we didn't even know the
Yes, we didn't even know the trip existed until BM had already informed SD she could go and paid for it entirely.
I'll let him know what y'all
I'll let him know what y'all have said. Ultimately, it's his decision. I told him I'd support him with whatever he decides and I will.
I think his questioning it came in when BM didn't agree to anything in the email, simply just said "I'm insisting on mediation to change the parenting plan" so he figures if she takes him to court and increases child support, his paying for 1/2 of the school trip can be negated.
Yeah, that's his point and
Yeah, that's his point and his family brought that up as well, which got him to thinking that if she does take him to court, he's not going to pay half of the trip.
The kid is going on the trip, mom already said she could, paid for it, and didn't say one word about it to DH. Now she's trying to get reimbursed by telling SD it's all about making changes to the parenting plan to "make it legal" (which is a flat out lie).
He offered to pay so now he
He offered to pay so now he needs to pay. In the future he should not be so quick to kiss skid and BM's butt.
Yeah, like I stated above,
Yeah, like I stated above, he's famous for speaking before he's thought things through. Plus, it was at a heightened emotional moment between him and the daughter he desperately wanted to reconnect with.
I personally think he's stuck with it now, but he asked me to get other's opinions since his family said "until BM makes her mind up about taking you to court for more money, you should just leave it be, as SD lied and caused all kinds of hurt and drama and doesn't frankly deserve for you to pay for anything above and beyond her normal care"
Yea...I could see my DH
Yea...I could see my DH offering something like that. Bad thing now is that if he takes it back. He will REALLY look like a jerk.
He told SD that if BM
He told SD that if BM would've approached him about paying for it, he wouldn't have a problem. She got that and said that a lot of her friends were working babysitting jobs to earn their way.
He then told SD that he wanted to contribute to the trip and would discuss with BM about it. Since BM hasn't responded to his request for information and to pay half, that could be his way out of things, but he IS a man of his word and will likely just pay her unless she takes him to court to raise child support.
BM told SD that she didn't WANT more child support, and that she's not taking dad to court for that, she just wanted to make everything "legal". We told SD there's no truth to that and yes, for BM it's about the money.
SD also said that BM is doing a lot more with her now (corn maze and haunted house for Halloween, allowing her to pick an expensive costume for her school dance, buying her a $100 flat iron, etc) so we know BM is spending more money on SD - we just think she wants repaid for that!
"We told SD there's no truth
"We told SD there's no truth to that and yes, for BM it's about the money."
:jawdrop:
Unbelievable!!
Not - this woman has been
Not - this woman has been PASing this kid for months. Telling her DH doesn't care about her, doesn't want her around, doesn't give a shit about her. That's the farthest from the truth.
Plus, how else can she justify wanting to take him to court? What for? They've never gone by the original parenting plan anyway. They gave SD the choice as to where she wanted to be and promised her they'd never force her. So, what would her motivation for court be? UMMMM, MONEY!!!
If BM is gonna lie to SD, we're gonna set SD straight. What's the problem with that?
So if BM PAS's the kid, then
So if BM PAS's the kid, then it's ok for you guys to do it??? YOUR OPINION is that it's all about money to BM. I, and others, have stated that it appears to be all about money for YOU AND DH. It's all about perception.
Saying that to SD was dead wrong. Period.
So it's ok for BM to
So it's ok for BM to blatantly lie to SD and we're supposed to go along with whatever she says and make it appear as though it's the truth?
What would YOU have said to her?
Of course it's not ok for BM
Of course it's not ok for BM to lie. What part of anything I wrote indicated that??
The two wrongs make a right thing is BS. Just because BM did something wrong, does NOT give you carte blanche to do the same.
*I* would have told SD it was an adult matter.
BM made it SD's business by
BM made it SD's business by lying to her - why can't we debunk that and set SD straight?
^^Yes this exactly
^^Yes this exactly
Is there any way that if he
Is there any way that if he pays for half of the trip that it can be taken into account at the new parenting plan meeting and CS hearing? In our State when my DH paid CS for SS16 who was already living with us, they credited off the amount already paid to her.
Not sure. I'm sure it can be
Not sure. I'm sure it can be brought up in court, if BM insists on taking him.
I pay $500 per month in child support for my 14yr old daughter and when she wants extra stuff, if I have the cash, I pitch in. If not, I tell her to work for it and earn it herself or hit her dad up since he gets money every month FOR HER...
Yeah, he specified in the
Yeah, he specified in the last email he sent to her to forward the information about the trip and he'd work something out to contribute. But, if she takes him to court to increase child support, I don't think he's going to pay any extra toward the trip.
God I know right? BM's suck
God I know right? BM's suck ass. I AM a BM, but I pay my obligations to my daughter and work with my ex as best as I can, staying out of his relationship and not demanding things out of him. We actually avoid each other as much as humanly possible!
He agreed to do it, he should
He agreed to do it, he should keep his word. Only pay for half and no spending money, she can earn that. As for future plans, CS should cover it unless he wants to pay for extras. Tell him next time to not answer so quickly and stop kissing the kids ass....Never works.
Yeah, he's famous for
Yeah, he's famous for speaking before he thinks it through. I told him he's pretty much stuck with it at this point but he wanted me to get other people's opinions since his family said they wouldn't feel obligated to pay after the way SD had treated him.
Oh well. His mistake, he can ultimately pay for it!
Well, mom paid for it without
Well, mom paid for it without saying a word to DH at all. SD informed us of this just last week and DH spoke without thinking, so yeah, he's pretty much on the hook for what he said.
He'll look into what the CS agreement says. He's still waiting for BM to either take him to court or agree to drop it...
I agree that if your DH
I agree that if your DH already said he would pay for half, he needs to follow through. He didn't present it with stipulations regarding court, visitation, support or anything else. He simply commited to paying half.
Hopefully in the future this will knock him in the head when the opportunity arises again to be a guily dad.
But the "court thing" already
But the "court thing" already existed when he promised to pay half.
He spelled it all out in the
He spelled it all out in the email which she would have to agree to drop the court bullshit and she hasn't. She just sent him an email stating "I'm insisting on mediation" - so she plans to continue going after more child support.
Either way, the kid IS going
Either way, the kid IS going on the trip. So even if he doesn't pay his half, it doesn't impact her ability to go on the trip.
And yeah, since BM lied to SD saying that she doesn't want to take DH to court for more money, he can always tell SD that her mother took him to court for more money (if that happens) and so she IS getting paid back for the trip, by way of higher child support payments
Holy cow. We've been shopping
Holy cow. We've been shopping class rings, and I haven't even see any that expensive!! Most are about half that.
Good for DH.
WOW! I paid for my own
WOW! I paid for my own senior pics, class ring, prom, car, all that stuff. But I was taught that working for what you want is the key to getting it.
BM and DH have handed SD shit all her life and so now she just expects it. Sad.
Same with our witch. When
Same with our witch. When SS20 graduated HS she not only ruined it for him by insisting that I not attend, which I attended anyway but...She didn't help pay for pictures, $250.00, tux $125.00, corsage $25.00, Prom $75.00, Cap & Gown $25.00, yearbook $125.00. She paid for NOTHING yet had the NERVE to post on Facebook how proud she was of the great job she had done with her son who had just graduated. Hmmm...yeah, if it was for her, he'd be standing on a corner in Harlem selling weed. Great job momma.
We are in a similar situation
We are in a similar situation with SD13 except that we don't even consider BM contributing as an option. Because she flat out will not. If SD goes on any trips like this it is all on our dime. We paid for SD's trip and SD is responsible for earning her spending money. She has about 7 months to do it. If she doesn't earn any money then she will get whatever we can afford to give her. All expenses are paid for the trip so spending money is just for extras and souvenirs.
Even though BM won't pay a dime towards the trip she still tries to exert her power and say SD can't go unless SO has a sit down meeting with her about it.
This was a conversation about
This was a conversation about MONEY between a child and an adult. Her mother agreed to pay for it prior to him reappearing. I'd say she's just gonna have to suck that egg if she insists on more cs.
It won't hurt SD because
It won't hurt SD because she's already going on the trip - she could care less WHO pays for it. Plus mommy is buying her tons of shit lately and taking her places with the new man in her life as well. I agree with you on this one 100%