Read this comment on another blog. Rang VERY true. THOUGHTS
The truth is the new wife would rather her hubby spend the money on her than his children. In addition the child no matter how old resents the father for treating the new wife better then their mother.
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I agree. He already pays more
I agree. He already pays more CS than is required and half of all medical and every notebook and pencil she has to have. He also had an obligation to his new wife and their home.
These are generalizations.
These are generalizations. They may be true some of the time in some situations but they are not true all of the time.
Plus,everybody is human. I like to be first on the gift list occasionally. I don't feel bad about that.
Mmmm, so before my divorce,
Mmmm, so before my divorce, was it wrong of me to want my husband to put me first over our shared children or was he supposed to ensure he was working for our children financially and it was not to be used for us?
As for seeing them treat me better than he treated their mother - he treated her quite nicely - she was mentally abusive and mean spirited to him - so I am hopeful they see how their father should have been treated and be happy he got the hell out of that womans clutches before she crushed him mentally completely.
I guess I am not considering
I guess I am not considering my parents finances as anything for myself. That is what I was getting at. My parents worked and they earned what they did and now they are retiring on it, if there isn't a red cent left in the end, then good for them.
My parents were not required to pay for my college education, I financed it myself, there was never any question in that.
I don't feel DH nor myself owe anything above and beyond to any of our kids. We each have 2 from previous marriages and they are well taken care of - we don't work to provide their every wish and it would be wrong of us if we did.
DH spending money on me or me spending on money on DH shouldn't be of any concern to any of the children in this relationship - What BM and XH do for the kids is up to them - their household their choice.
No wonder so many of these kids are entitled if they think their dad buying their step mom something is cutting into what belongs to them?!?!?! what the heck is wrong with these kids??
i agree. i acknowledge he
i agree. i acknowledge he has a responsibility to his child through child support and medical, it's the EXTRA anything that chaps my booty. his mother mismanages her money and dh/nanna are left paying for essentials most of the time because dh/nanna are afraid the children will do without. however, it's curious that on the RARE occasions dh/nanna has not ridden in on the white stallion to save the day, the kids end up with what they needed! but dh is a bad parent for not providing. wth! bm has grown accustomed to throwing the threat out that the kids will suffer and dh/nanna bite. it works for her.
we are an older couple, my kids are raised, he still has one that is 11 and yes, i believe every penny he has after child support and medical insurance (medical copays have not been an issue bcause bm uses state aid - another story), belong in THIS household (and i would feel the same if we had our own children together). things would be different, as dh and i are generous to a fault at times, but we are barely "making" it and reality has set in for me. i wish to God it would set in for him. but my issue is we have retirement to plan for. most of the ladies on this site have children with their dh.
the thing is...when you re-marry, the game changes. it's no longer the children's wants coming first. the joint marital goals takes priority. i have no idea why men don't understand this before marriage. if they want to give every penny and security they have to their children, please don't bring another woman into it who has expectations of having a real marriage, and have her hopes and dreams of a joint future smashed by being relegated to the position of babysitter and sugar momma.
My husband had no extra money
My husband had no extra money to spend on SD, so ha ha!
The truth is: I wished my
The truth is: I wished my husband would have been able to spend his money ON his children, instead of giving it to their mother who used it for her own desires!
Even now, SD is living on her own, working 2 jobs and collecting CS for her own child and my DH is forced to still continue paying CS to BM. Do you think that BM is giving DH's CS (and her matching contribution!) to SD? I highly doubt if SD would be working 2 jobs, if that were the case!