Might be making a big mistake...some advice please!
For some past refence please read my blog "NOW WHAT, WHERE DO WE GO FROM HERE" DH wants to contact 2 of his children, he hasnt seen or talk to all 5 in about a year their birthdays are 1 day apart next week. SD will be 18 and SS will be 15. If they even agree to see him, he wants to put "all cards on the table" DH wants to give his side of the story. After 9 yrs of BM trashing him. BM has never bite her tongue. Sharing all information with this kids.Telling them he cheated on her, hung out in clubs and just walked out on them. At one time he had no job and couldnt pay child support. BM told the children he went to court to "get out" of paying it, when he was only trying to get it reduced until he found work. DH feels its time to let them know she did her part in the break up of the marriage. How much detail should he give?
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Are skids ASKING/WANTING to
Are skids ASKING/WANTING to know? My opinion would be that if he hasn't seen or talked to them in five years, they are NOT going to be real receptive to hearing his "side" of the story because he wants to tell it.
No it hasnt been 5 yrs. There
No it hasnt been 5 yrs. There are 5 SK's. That he hasnt seen in a year. They are not asking him anything. They make comments repeating what they have "heard" from BM.
Chances are, they will not
Chances are, they will not believe your DH and they will just repeat everything he says to BM. She will deny it and say, "See, I told you your dad is an asshole."
My husband and I agreed he would tell SD21 the truth only if she asked. We figured if she asked, it would be because she heard something from someone else or realized something on her own and would be open to hearing his side. This has indeed happened. The truth usually comes out eventually but the waiting is hard.
Hmmm. My DH kind of did this
Hmmm. My DH kind of did this too when SS turned 18. I did not agree with it at all.
But…It made NO difference anyway. In SS’s eyes…BM is still the perfect person.
I am pretty sure that SS believed DH..he just did not care what BM did “back then”. Period.
My DH also was going to do it
My DH also was going to do it when SD turned 18 and CS was done and then we both decided against it. I do think it was the right call to NOT do it and I am glad he didn't.
Recently, SD has experienced certain aspects of BM for herself and was told certain things by BM's own mother. When talking to my husband about it, SD asked him specific questions about when he and BM were married. He was honest.
I do think it is best to wait until the situation arises, otherwise motives are questioned and it can be seen as just more accusations being thrown around.
At 18 and 15 they are old
At 18 and 15 they are old enough to know everything. Sorry, but I think they can handle it. Don't be mean or malicious, just be factual and wait for the fall out. When we stopped keeping everything from SS around his 13th birthday, he started to become more aware of things and ultimately got really tired of BM's games. He now lives with us full time at his request to the court.
Why continue to protect them at this age? It makes sense when they are younger, but now they are older and they are not stupid, they have seen things, they just need someone to clarify it.
Be very factual and lay it all out. DH even showed SS a threatening email from the SDad to him and that is still brought up by SS that he can't believe he would threaten his dad.