Am I paranoid?
So SD is using her phone that was forbidden at BM's but now she magically has access to. DH invited her to church this morning because she wanted to go last night. Now, she's "sick" (with a freaking COUGH) and can't come over today.
Is BM behind this for me ignoring her yesterday? She was just trying to be buddy- buddy and even called me "lady". DH isn't going to exercise his visitation because of poor, sick SD. I am sick of this family and dysfunction.
As I told BM in my text to her last night, SD knows how to get exactly what she wants and she's learned it all from mommy dearest. No one wants their true colors to be exposed, especially this BM.
ETA: I didn't call BM 'mommy dearest' in my text to her. Just told her the first part. SD has even admitted that she's learned faking sick will get her out of things and I know 99% of her phone use at the dance last night was personal use. I bet BM lets SD keep the phone 100% of the time now so that SD doesn't have a reason to want to be at dad's more often anymore. It was a gift to SD so I can't be mad about that.
I will, however, despise BM for being a horrible parent who proclaims MOTY and for having no remorse about being a complete snot to me last week.
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Comments
Whatever's going on is
Whatever's going on is between DH and SD. If they don't want to see each other because she's sick that's their business. Seems like it's going to cause a lot of drama texting BM those kind of things. I'd be pretty pizzed if exH's 3rd wife was texting me crap about my kids and saying it's my fault. Step out of their drama.
I didn't say it was BM's
I didn't say it was BM's fault.. Directly. She is an idiot and I'm sure didn't comprehend my message the way that was intended. I'm losing respect for my DH because he would never think his precious snowflake would *gasp* LIE about a cough (that can be treated with cough drops) to get out of going to church.
No, now SD has learned that she can laze around all day and play on her phone because she's "sick"and be babied by BM.
Did I read this right, you
Did I read this right, you called BM mommy dearest in a text to her? If that is true that took some guts.
No I did not call her mommy
No I did not call her mommy dearest lol I'm more tactful than that.
Do you Text with BM? She
Do you Text with BM? She sounds like a real pain.
I do if she acts like I'm a
I do if she acts like I'm a human being. Yesterday, she thought she could be rotten to me the week before then expect to interrupt my day off by stopping by for a phone she SPECIFICALLY said was to remain at dad's house exclusively until she decided SD was old enough.
BM genuinely wonders why SD is so difficult and doesn't think rules need to be followed. SD is so argumentative with BM because they argue like they're both kids instead of BM being the authority figure and laying down the law. And this isn't even the worst of it. She's not even a teenager yet!
I would completely disengage
I would completely disengage from this nonsense. It is nonsense and consumes way too much of your precious headspace. Who cares what she does? She has a mom and a dad who are completely responsible for how she comes out. Don't ask, don't enforce, don't look, don't get involved etc...
I have vowed to disengage
I have vowed to disengage from this day forward. I am going to look into a counselor to be able to vent openly without burdening friends and family.
Phone issues
l realize that this is about more than a phone. SD is learning that lying, crying, faking illness and other forms of manipulation will get her what she wants, especially if she brings BM into her games. Most parents would deal with this behavior, but SD and her enabling parents will ensure that this will carry on. If this is truly a phone that is only to be used at your house and had been removed from SD due to behavior issues, then you and DH should cancel SD phone plan. Let her deal with some consequences for a change. It would be a very long time before she got another phone, perhaps when she could pay for it herself.
Both DH and BM refuse to see
Both DH and BM refuse to see the manipulation, and when it's put in their face, they ignore the problem or blame someone else (like me).
I'm 100% sure BM will now allow the phone just because SD won't have a reason to want to be at our house more, and that's how she operates.
Oh my.....
*giggle-giggle* Both of these parents are going to have some mighty long pre-teen/teen drama filled years. This kid is playing Mommy and Daddy like a fiddle.
So let's get this right. SD suddenly announces she must have her phone for the middle school dance last evening because she told the teacher she'd take the photos for the yearbook. After having asked you first and failing t get phone, your idiot husband then raced the 'forbidden' phone over to SD. But not before SD buttered Daddy up with sweet nothings about 'oh yes, Daddy, I really want to attend church with you in the morning I;m looking forward to it, I love you, Daddy' . I bet there were lots of hugs and kisses and 'you're the bestest Daddy ever' as Daddy arrived and she quickly snatched that phone right out of his hand....muttering silently to herself 'what suckers my parents are'.
But this morning *cough-cough* 'I'm sick Daddy' *cough-cough* 'I can't make church'.
I don't suppose it occurred to Daddy to drive over and pick-up the forbidden phone that was solely allowed for the dance photo project? Not even to cut the ability to use it ?
Yep, totally disengage from all this, no need getting all worked up over this incident... it's merely a kid's stunt her parents are buying hook line and sinker. Go for a brisk walk with your furbabies.
DH's logic: the phone was a
DH's logic: the phone was a gift to SD and he never said it couldn't be used at BM's. I have to agree with him because, well, that was the intended purpose. However, I am still ticked that BM did not apologize for her @sshole explanation to me last week and then does a 180 and decides that I should accommodate her on my day off by calling me "lady" and being so polite as to ask if they "may" pick up SD's phone.
I am also bothered that DH hasn't seen SD in 2 weeks and didn't exercise his visitation because she has a freaking cough! She wasn't sick yesterday.... Curiouser and curiouser..
I did get a walk with my babies, a quick one. It just started snowing.. And I thought spring was here *scratch_one-s_head*
Well, that didn’t last long
Well, that didn’t last long in regards to the phone, huh?
It’s obvious that you’re tryjng to be the bigger person here, but I think you’re doing yourself a huge disservice, in allowing BM to get pissy, angry, whatever with you. I think you’d be setting a better example for SD by not engaging with her mom - at least not as much as you currently do. SD is seeing firsthand how you tolerate her mom’s behavior. Soon it’s going to be SD acting unfavorably towards you. I’d switch up how you engage in the future.
Nope, this is the crazy I
Nope, this is the crazy I deal with. BM had actually been really good recently until these events. But, I didn't expect peace forever, considering she's a narc, diagnosed BPD, controlling psycho. I always say she's good at wearing 2 faces.
I really am trying to be the bigger person but this really got under my skin. This is exactly why I told DH that SD will grow up to be just like BM (not my best moment) but it's true. It's easier to step on people to get your way than do the right thing. I really think BM should've apologized to me, but we all know that will never happen as she truly believes she can do no wrong- especially when it comes to parenting.
DH and I always have to ignore her bad behavior and always have to be the adults.