My advice is to work on one thing at a time. Take your pick- either bed time (previous blog post) or food. Personally I'd pick bedtime. If my kid sleeps, I can sleep. And I need sleep.

For now, I'd give him lots of the fruit and vegetables he'll eat and let the rest go until I got the bed time under control. If you can't let it go, you can put a tiny amount (no more than a teaspoon) of a new food on the plate with them. If he eats that then he can have more of the fruits and vegetables he already had.  If the grandparents give him nuggets while he is with them, ignore it.

He'll eventually eat a bigger variety of food. He's had a lot of changes lately. He's controling what he can -- he's controling his eating.

Collapse of parenting might help you. Or be something to give to grandparents who really seem to think the kid will starve if they don't get him chicken nuggets.

In our home I cook what I cook. I try not to go off the wall so no liver and onions but I do expect them to eat decently healthy. The little ones 5 and sometimes this is a challenge. Basicly we are at the point now that if he doesn't his dinner he can go to bed early and that's that Once he chooses bed there is no going back. He might get up and say he's hungry but he'll get whatever he left on his plate then go back to bed.

I think this is just a trying age and you have to decide what you want. Finally contrary to popular belief the kid will eat when he is hungry enough and missing a meal won't kill them. However if you'e got grandparents sabotaging you every other day you're going to really struggle if you can't get them on board. Good luck. Of course their are outliers and kids with real illness but this seems to be a picky eater getting away with it. Good luck.

Kids with control issues generally don't just grow out of it on their own, if at all.

I'm going with Ipsofacto. Some of these issues may stem from RAD, or some other abandonment-related issues. I suggest at least an assessment session of therapy if you are going to stick this out.

In the mean time, I would give him the food you make, let him eat what he wants to eat of that, and then be done with it. He'll eventually grow hungry enough that he'll try new foods. Just make them easy to eat meals, nothing too fancy, and something he can put ketchup or some other sauce on (I have found that works wonders on my YSS eating new/different foods). Toss in some multivitamins at the start of the day and keep some Pediasure around on days he doesn't eat (but don't tell him what it is or why he is drinking it; just put it in cup and call it milk).

Ultimately, your FH is the one who needs to deal with this. This is his son and his problem. If he is fine with SS eating chicken nuggets every day and isn't willing to work with his son to try new foods, the chicken nuggets will make a reappearance. That will happen sooner rather than later if SS cries and stops eating entirely. Your FH has to be willing to not buy chicken nuggets for the long haul. The minute he begins buying them again because SS "won't eat" (trust me, the kid will get hungry enough that he will) will be the moment that SS both starts resenting you and realizes he can manipulate his dad to side with him over you.

Here is the thing if the kid is not healthy it is an issue that you seriously need to get our FH way more on board with. As a new stepmom, I am new as well and learned a few things on the way. You can not control everything even though your desire is to do that. You FH needs to be there right beside you. You two need to come up with a plan and stick to it.

I hate that my SO makes my SS eat foods that make him gag because my Dad did that to me all the time. I was an extremely picky eater as well. I let SO deal with him when it come to food, SO makes him eat the things he does not like and if he doesn't well he goes hungry period in our house. Kids can skip meals it is really ok. They will eat when they are hungry. Try buying like the organic chicken nuggets from the store and put them on a plate for him to eat.

He is four they are pretty picky at this age. My SS has his moments, he is a good eater for the most part but he does some odd things. He hates baked potatoes (we do not make him eat the skin and we mach it up and put butter and stuff on it, nope still no) but he loves mashed potatoes, loves when I cube them up and fry them up in a pan for breakfast. It is a thing with kids you have to patient.

I would make the kid sit at the table and eat what is on his plate, if he does not like it let him go to bed hungry. If it is a control thing keep making that food but if you can tell he really does not like, you ca usually tell the difference just don't make it again. Let you FH do this part. If you are the one always laying down the rules and being the tough bad guy it can cause you a lot of stress that is not needed and tension in your relationship and the boy to possibly be mean and nasty to you.

Look up websites about how to overcome picky kid eating.  If your DH is on board the tricks work wonders!  I had two picky eaters, age 7 & 9, SDs who were never introduced to "real" food properly by either parent.  So I applied the logic for picky young kids on them.  It worked great for SDthen7.  She's now 12 and I don't consider her a picky eater any longer, unless she's stressed or in a new situation.  SD14 is a lost cause - but she's got other sensitivity and personality issues that tie into it.  Basically I don't say a word, I don't cater, I don't buy special food or cook for her.

The picky eater websites apply food and choice logic to new foods - and it's really easy to apply to the table.  Your DH should have no problem with it and if so, then stop cooking.

Here's a good link:  http://www.stanfordchildrens.org/en/topic/default?id=helping-picky-eater...

Two more things I did were 1) if someone didn't like something they couldn't just say it was gross or bad - they had to explain why; color?  flavor?  Texture?  and 2) make meals that they can put together at the table/pick thier ingredients; tacos, pasta with different sauces and meatballs; stir fry with rice or noodles and different meats or veggies.  They loved it and it was ONE meal to cook, just served in different bowls.

Four is a tough age with food.  When BS8 was about that age he was AWFUL!!!  Refused to eat anything, refused to try anything and basically lived on pizza, french fries, milk and granola bars.  His Dr. however, was never very concerned, just said to keep trying. (BS is not overweight however, and very active and healthy) So we did.  Gradually (certainly not overnight) he started trying different things and expanding his food choices.  He now loves cucumbers, celery, carrots, apples, home made soups, lettuce, spinach, eggs, etc. 

Food is NOT a good battle to pick with a child, especially a small child.  Food is one of the few things at that age (or any age) that they can control and they will try to win that battle at all costs.  Like BS8 would have happily just forgone eating all together before he'd let me force him to eat something he didn't want to. 

One thing we did do, was find BS currency, so what does BS love?  MONEY!  So we used that to get him to try things.  Like we'll give you 50 cents if you eat 3 bites of this hamburger.  Guess it sounds like bribery, but it worked and that's how he started actually trying and eating different things.  But whatever you do, DON'T make food a battle... it can seriously scar a child for life.

I did "no thank you" bites.   they had to taste a new food and then could say no thank you to an actual helping.  Now I know of other extremely strict parents (like my parents) that would put more of the stuff you didnt' care for on your plate if you didn't eat the original amount in a certain period of time.  I never really cared for that method.   When my kids went camping with another super strict family, they did this method and my bios were none too pleased, but I told them that different families handle things differently and in the REAL world you have to learn to follow other people's rules and get along with a wide variety of people.

I will say, however, that if your fiancee has been spoiling his kid up to this point, that probably isnt' going to change and if you find him NOT on board with you (and just giving you lip service) then it's time to disengage.

Personally I don't negotiate with terrorists... I put the food on the table. They eat, or they don't, but if they choose not to, then I put the plate up, and that's ALL they'll be getting for a snack. (within reason, if they made an actual effort to eat we're more lax on this). We don't go out of our wya ot make things they hate, we just don't go out of our way to cater to them eating one food only. Took them a day, but they realized that was it, and they're smart enough to suck it up and eat the food now to avoid being hungry and get snacks later.

Why are you involved with what the kid is eating?

On a basic level, I imagine you care about this child and that is why you'd like him to eat healthy foods.

But in this post, you've mentioned a long-term family dynamic involving the other adults in this kids' life which would need to be interrupted. Not easy at all.

You've mentioned some behaviour and table manners issues which suggest that the other adults don't mind that behaviour. Not easy to address.

You've mentioned trying to guide your partner on how to reach your goal of having this kid eat better. Doesn't sound like it was the parent's idea. Recipe for conflict and disaster.

Good luck!

I had to stop caring what the skids ate. One is of them is horribly obese but SO thinks he can't do anything about it with a EOWE schedule and the BM obviously doesn't care. He just gets fatter and fatter but how can I care more then his family, well, I don't anymore. I tried when we first starting dating to feed them veggies and rounded meals but nope, they eat Taco Bell with their mother all the time and don't even understand it isn't food. SOOOOO..... I make my SO plan their meals when they are in town and I make him go to the grocery store to buy their food. Oh and I don't pay for groceries when they are there either. The 3 of them are in their own sinking boat when it comes to food.

In my house the skids can go out and buy dinner with their allowance if they don't want to eat at home. They are older, obviously. I used to bend over backwards and and stress over meals, but I stopped long ago. I now make foods to my liking and everyone else has to deal with it or not eat. The skids eat horribly.

It seems like you are the sole person who cooks in your house, so my suggestion is that you do the same. I also have DS who just turned 3 and is starting to become a picky eater. I believe it's genetic on DH's side. My family eats everything and foods can touch and it's not a big deal. DH and his siblings could not have foods touch when they were young and one sibling is still this way. SD also has that problem and I see it in DS now. But, I serve DS3 a variety of foods at dinner and if he doesn't eat it, that's fine, but he doesn't get a substitute. At first he would leave his food and tell me he was hungry, but I've stood my ground. He now eats what's on his plate. I don't expect him to finish everything, but if he is good about eating, he'll generally get a treat, especially if I served a meal that I know he's not really into, but he's eaten because he's hungry. The skids, in particular SS14, do not even come close to DS when it comes to healthy eating. I never expect him to eat anything that I serve.

I'm not sure if I'd concern myself so much with weight issues though at his age. DS3 is large and tall and eats healthy foods. I think most kids shun lots of vegetables. Mine will only eat sweet potatoes, peas, and green beans, so I serve that a lot, but I also make cauliflower, cabbage, carrots, and other vegetables for myself and DH. I always put a little in DS's plate to try, but he hasn't taken to it.

I don't think it's your responsibility, but if your DH is on board, he should stop the McD chicken nuggets (maybe only as a monthly treat) and start making homemade chicken nuggets with sweet potato fries. His son will object first, but if it's all that he gets, I think he'll start eating other food.