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Not sure how to feel

Tiger7's picture

Submitted by Tiger7 on Mon, 03/26/2018 - 12:25pm

I am at a loss.  We had a good weekend - spent a few hours with SD18 on Fri having a quick bite to eat, talking and laughing.  Then she spent most of Sat at our house.  I went out with girlfriends for a few hours and she & SO baked cookies & watched movies.  She has horrible looking burns on the back of her hands and arms from rubbing salt & ice on them and erasers.  She gave no real reason for doing it but we talked about lots of things this weekend.  I asked to please call us when she's feeling down before she starts doing that stuff to herself.  She said she would.

She called me a few hours ago (I'm at work).  She couldn't get in touch with SO.  Someone at school asked her about the injuries to her hands/arms. They asked her if she still felt like she wants to kill herself and she said yes, so they had her taken to the hospital again.  I asked her if she really still felt that way and why.  She said "I don't know, I'm just so over this life".  Then she went on to say, she asked the school not to call BM as she isn't speaking to her right now and doesn't want her to know.

I got in touch with SO and he headed over to the hospital - waiting to hear from him now.  Here's why I don't know how to feel:  She spoke to me like she was just relaying some info to me - there was no distress in her voice.  My daughter is a teacher at the school and she said SD18 appeared overwhelmed but not like she thought she was going to hurt herself.  SO said when he spoke to her, she also sounded normal - like she wasn't in any distress.  I absolutely don't want her to hurt herself.   I just don't know what to think.  He had to take a day off work for this - to sit in the hospital again for probably nothing to happen as usual.

I'm torn between being concerned and being pissed off.

Comments

DaizyDuke's picture

Submitted by DaizyDuke on Mon, 03/26/2018 - 12:54pm

I don't envy anyone going through this with a child.  It's so hard to know what the right thing is to do.  Do you take the threats seriously and "enable" the child so to speak into using these threats everytime life doesn't go their way?  Or do you do the opposite to avoid enabling??? It's a scary line to toe, as obviously either decision could have very negative results. 

I really have no advice, but I can give a virtual hug  

Daisymazy2's picture

Submitted by Daisymazy2 on Mon, 03/26/2018 - 1:22pm

SD, age 16, does the samething.  It is a fine line between.  She has had 4 or 5 stays in the hospital over the past couple of years.  In my opinion, it really hasn't helped her.  It is hard to tell if she is telling the truth or is it just easier for her to stay in the hosptial.  Each stay cost about 5 to 6 thousand out of pocket.  Right now, SD is going to a residential facility to see if that would help.  We have really ran out of options.  

Tiger7's picture

Submitted by Tiger7 on Mon, 03/26/2018 - 1:30pm

While living with her BM, I know she was desperate to get away from her.  She doesn't live with BM anymore but of course, its her mom and she loves her but they have a very sick and dysfunctional relationship.  SD18 told us on Fri that her BM (supposedly) tried to kill herself too - which I do not believe.  She said BM called her and said while you're helping all your friends with their problems, you can add me to the list.  Said she took some pills and was just about to take the last of them when her BF came home (so I guess she didn't take them).  BM told her if the BF hadn't come home, she would've done it.  Clearly, that was said to make SD feel guilty.  That woman has really done a number on both SD's.  Its really sad.  I don't feel like I enable her.  SO is going to go thru all his guilty feelings again though.