Older skids and babies
DH and I are finally talking about TTC since he is getting older and so is SD. We are super close to being there financially and want to take the "next step" after 8 years. Here's my problem:
SD12 mentions often that she "doesn't like" her little brother who will be 5. She talks about scaring him for fun and BM told DH that SD tried to yank a necklace off of him that was hers and made him cry and hurt him. BM is a control freak and never included SD in helping with him and I don't think SD is interested anyway. When I first met her, she would ask when she's getting a baby sister and BM ended up having a boy so SD didn't like him automatically.
SD was/is a very spoiled only child and I will be very hurt if she starts to proclaim that she "doesn't like" my future baby. Now that we are moving toward 50/50, she will be around him/her a lot when that time comes.
My baby sister is almost 11 years younger than me and I LOVED helping with her and taking care of her. SD is just not the nurturing kind. Advice? I know I'm counting my eggs before they hatch, but do you all have any experiences/ thoughts to share? I want to include SD in bonding with our future baby but I can't help but to assume she will not be interested, therefore making my baby feel rejected.
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Comments
You can't control this. SD is
You can't control this. SD is her own person and has every right to reject or accept anyone in her life. This includes her siblings.
You can't force her to care or love her sibling. You can make her be respectful. You can make her be save. But outside general human decency, she is free to form whatever bond, or lack thereof, that she wishes.
You'll make a mistake if you try to force her to care.
By the time your child is two
By the time your child is two, SD will be 15, almost ready to launch. If she is unkind to your child, she doesn't come over anymore, IMO. These kids don't have to have a relationship. Being around toxic people is like drinking from a poisoned well, even small quantities are unhealthy. If SD someday decides to be decent, they can have a relationship then.
I was 13 years older than my
I was 13 years older than my baby sister (4 other kids in between us) and she was and still is one of the lights of my life. We are extremely close...I actually taught at her high school for a while and had her in my Journalism/Newspaper class. We did Spring Breaks together those years :)
Seriously...she's the best. Love my other siblings a bunch, too...but there's a special bond between me and her.
My skids were 14 and 16 when
My skids were 14 and 16 when our son was born. They showed very little interest in him at first, but now they have nothing to do with him. Fine by me. I don't need their terrible choices and behavior having an influence on him.
My DDs were 13 and 10 when Mr
My DDs were 13 and 10 when Mr Toddler was born.
Younger DD is a minimom to him.
Older DD isn’t that thrilled. She will babysit him and take care of him but doesn’t ‘bond’ with him like my younger DD.
But I would still trust her with him any day.
They don’t have to be over the top affectionate with the baby to still have an OK relationship.