VENT - BM changed her name BACK to DH's...
...and by proxy, MINE!
For over a decade, she has been Mrs. NDH's Name. However, once the boys started complaining about being called by his last name (which was conveniently around the time she got a BF and kicked out her DH, hmm...), she decided she needed to change it back. Ya know. "For the kids".
BM couldn't WAIT to dump DH's name. Hell, she was so ready to do it that she moved her new DH into MIL's house while still married to my DH while he was stationed on the other side of the country. She hasn't cared for over a decade that the kids are associated with NDH. In fact, she had them calling him "Daddy" since day ducking one!
But now, OH NO! This travesty must be rectified! And now I am not only associated with BM through DH, but now by name.
UGH! The kids are TEENAGERS for God's sake! They are old enough to say "that's not my name". They are old enough to understand why people mistakenly call them by their SF's name. This had NOTHING to do with them, and if it did, that is enmeshment on such a gross level.
I know that ultimately this doesn't impact me, but it is SO IRRITATING that she gets to make mistake after mistake but there is ALWAYS a way for her to "correct" it. I just wish karma would bite her squarely and longly in the arse sometimes.
/vent
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That’s annoying. I’m sure
That’s annoying. I’m sure part of it (subconsciously or not) is the “stick it to LT and her ex” factor. It doesn’t matter how old the kids are.
Super annoying! Hopefully she
Super annoying! Hopefully she finds another poor soul to torment and takes his name immediately!
Hmmm, my oldest bio-son
Hmmm, my oldest bio-son carries his biological father's surname. Since he was barely three, my last name has been different than his. I can't say anyone ever mistakenly used my last name for him. It actually happened the other way around.
Meaning, kids at school and activities would mistakenly call me Mrs. Son's Last Name instead of Mrs. My last name. Understandable, and no big deal. If and when it really mattered, I corrected the name. When I had my son with me and would run into an old friend or similar situation I would introduce my son as first name and child's surname.
I'm scratching my head here trying to think of why anyone would confuse a teenagers last name with a name they have never carried, never appeared on any documents/school records/ activity team list/sport's announcer's lips during a sport game blah blah blah. Weird.
Your BM is full of sh*t. Her name change has nothing to do with 'for the sake of the children'.
As an aside, did I read that correct. BM , who lived with your Dh's mother while he was in service, moved her boyfriend into MIL's home? Who does that !?!?
BM in my life is the one who
BM in my life is the one who moves her BF in to her MIL's house.
And because BM didn't have a job or a place to go, MIL didn't feel like she could tell her "NO".
BM has PhD-level manipulation skills. Her mom is the same, and GBM is ALL happy that she changed her name back. But then again, GBM calls herself a widow despite BM's dad divorcing her YEARS before he died. GBM's attitude about her XH is why I am now on high alert for BM shenanigans.
GBM still tries to flirt with
GBM still tries to flirt with BM's dad... Same thing BM does with my DH, I'm moody though and refuse to put up with that... I'd be on high alert... Your BM sounds more than a bit crazy...
Also I think legally I might share a name with the psycho... Not really sure... But her plan right now is to have the poor unborn baby and convince the bf who doesn't believe in marriage to marry her... So even if I do, hopefully not for long!
It's allllll about attention
It's allllll about attention and remaining relevant with crazy GUBM's. The BM2 I deal with has kept DH's surname legally. However she made a show on FB to change to her maiden name....on DH's birthday, no less. Made sure to announce it to him before she changed it. Just another game in her crazy world.
They cannot stand the thought of being irrelevant. So they come up with more and more crazy and desperate ways to get attention and remain a thought in their children's daddy's head. Even if they are negative thoughts. Attention is attention, after all.
So much fun, isn't it?
Oh, BM has given DH a few
Oh, BM has given DH a few months "warning" that she was going to do it. However, she was supposedly doing it when she and NDH got divorced...
But he has been living with her...
So...did they get divorced?
Who knows!
The Girhippo
was long divorced and engaged to StepDaddyBigBucks but still went around signing her name: Mrs. [Chef's First Name][Chef's Last Name]
This was, as she put it "So as not to confuse the children."
Hmmm must be the skids are easily confused; my bios were never confused with the fact that their last names were different than mine.
It's all in the GUBM Playbook.
My BS17 has no problem with
My BS17 has no problem with my last name being different to his name. It's really not a big deal.
God help her if DH finds out
God help her if DH finds out she is calling herself MRS. Him again. He will lose his MIND! I will lose MY mind!
And how doesn't this change confuse the school more?
"So, BM, congratulations on remarrying the kids' father."
"Oh, I didn't. I divorced their stepdad and took my XH's last name so that we were all the same."
"...Riiiiggggghhhhtttt..."
Just Pathetic
Thats all I got. Make sure you always introduce yourself as "The real Mrs lieutenant _dad"
She for sure has something
She for sure has something wrong in that head of hers. WOW just WOW!
I know people out there crave attention and drama and love to make it about them. This is just crazy. I had a different last name than my mom for a while now. She would get called Mrs.Ash sometimes but did not care. I would correct people and say that is not her last name. Her's is this, she has my stepdad's last name.
I feel for you I really do. This was not for the kids at all this is all about her. I feel for the kids, does she not get they see how crazy she is?
I can understand that this
I can understand that this move on BM’s part has irritated you and leaves you feeling frustrated by what seems a childish game on her part. However, to me, you give this woman too much space in your head. Why do you even care about what she does? She should be irrelevant to you. Who she is, what she does, what she wants to call herself, shouldn’t matter to you.
I find the whole last name / family name / surname thing and who has what name a bit over dramatised by most people. (Unless you share a name with a serial killer then it may be different.)
I do understand that your own name / surname is very personal and relates to your whole identity. The same can be said for anyone, including a horrible BM. Legally, if her surname was ever the same as your DH, she has every right to change her surname back to that. Even if she was married and divorced 30 times. It is also HER surname – not yours or DH’s as in having propriety rights to it – but hers as well. On paper work you are asked to fill out YOUR name and surname. Not your name and husband’s surname. The last name whether you see it this way or not is also hers. By right of marriage it became hers and the right to use it went along with that if she so chose.
BM changed her surname back to her OWN former surname, even if it matches yours and DH’s. Of course it sucks to be associated by name with someone you don’t like, but the fact is you are associated whether you like it or not. She was his first wife.
I really don’t mean to come across as unsympathetic to you, as I really am and can understand a claws out reaction on this. (I would feel it too.) However, for you own peace of mind, it is best to just ignore BM – in every way that counts. YOU are MRS DH, not her. A name change does not need to alter any perceptions around your surname now that she has taken it again.
The logical part of my brain
The logical part of my brain agrees with you, and within short order that will be the side that prevails.
I think it is just irriating because there is always *something*. There is always a reason to text, or talk, or whatever. DH almost never initiates conversations with her unless he needs a question answered regarding the kids, and he HATES even having to do that (to the point that it sometimes causes problems).
She flirts with DH. She has recently started to try and look like a good co-parent. Her mother has the delusion that she is a widow despite having been left and divorced by her now-deceased XH. This is just another little thing to be associated with someone who left the crazy station a long time ago.
And that is mostly my issue. She could change her name to match mine exactly, and it wouldn't be about the name. It's about the intent. BM never does anything just to do it; there is motive. I have legitimate concerns that she may forge DH's name as a CO-signer on a loan because she has done it before. Now that they share a name again, people will be less likely to question if she can do that.
I won't appreciate seeing her be called Mrs. DH, but I can get over that. I just don't understand her motive, and again, she always has one. Never has she done something that seems innocuous that turns out to be a raging nightmare. That's my concern.
Overall, no, it won't impact me. I already am starting to feel a sense of "meh" about it. I just pray that this is the ONE TIME she did something without having some scheming plot associated with it.
I understand your concern
I understand your concern with that completely. The crazy HCBM I deal with always has a motive also. If she is being nice and playing nice with SO, especially if she is being extra nice, I am skeptical. SO always acts irritated when I am like, "she's up to something" and acts like that isn't the case....until it blows up in his face!
Oh and of course the HCBM kept his last name after the divorce as well - "for the sake of SD". Ugh, they will use that excuse for EVERYTHING!!! My BS has never had my last name. I have accidentally been called Mrs. "Son's last name" but no one has ever accidentally called him by BS "my last name" - I smell BS in your crazy DH's ex's story for sure.
I feel for you. My DH's EX
I feel for you. My DH's EX still goes by his last name. Both girls are over 18 and they have been divorced almost 20 years. On a certain level it did bother me because it was like she was clinging to the idea that she was in fact married to him at one time and her kids are legitimate etc.. In fact, she does project the story out that poor her was divorced "not by her choice" (actually posted THAT on FB). Becheesus woman.. you KNOW you absolutely played a role in getting divorced.. there were actions on your part that were unforgivable.
So, I think her reasons were
1. She didn't want to have people think the kids were out of wedlock.
2. She was too lazy to do the paperwork to change things.
3. It made her appear a bit more of the sympathetic party that was divorced against her will. (gag).
To have the BM change her name BACK??? that is an extra level of crazy town right there.
Conversation:
The REAL Mrs. LT's Dad: (rings GUBM on a day where GUBM's DH is home)
RMLTD: "Hi (FAKE) Mrs. LT's Dad? I just wanted to call and give you a heads up, oh do you have speaker phone? You may need to put us on speaker here, it's concerning a financial issue. Anyway, since you've changed your name back to my DH's surname, their may be a credit issue, so I've gone ahead and done us the favour of putting a credit freeze on anything in OUR names."
"Can't be too careful in this day and age of identity theft!"
RMLTD: (takes phone off of speaker and puts phone down on table as it rattles off said table from the screaming)
I Just Recalled
that the Girhippo for a time, tried to convince SD that Gir and Chef were BLOOD RELATED in an effort to exclude me as "family." Believe me, there was NO way I wanted to be included as part of THAT family!!
This was when SD was OBSESSED with family structure--which was only heightened by the Gir constantly trashing me. SD at the time 5 or 6 kept asking me "what I was to her." And Chef would say that I was "Dad's friend." Nice.