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Absolutely FUMING - biomom problem

Bells2993's picture

Submitted by Bells2993 on Tue, 05/15/2018 - 7:42am

Well, me and my boyfriend went on a 2 week vacation alone, without his two kids and they stayed at their moms.

 

We just got back two days ago, and this morning i was alone with the girls waiting for the nanny to come so i could run to work and they older one (3 1/2) starts saying that her mommy said that she would like to live with daddy because she likes being at his house. and that mommy would be happy if daddy invited her to live with them.

 

WTF. i was so freaking angry and just plain sad. taking care of someone else's children isnt all that rewarding i dont need to feel useless. and I cant stand the idea of THAT WOMAN brainwashing her child during those 2 weeks we were away. 

 

I am so steamed right now, even thinking of this makes me furious. 

 

Any similiar bm drama?

Comments

tankh21's picture

Submitted by tankh21 on Tue, 05/15/2018 - 7:56am

There is really nothing you can do about PAS unless you have a buttload of money and are able to prove to the judge that BM is PASing the kid. BM over here did the same thing however my skids are older and I just tried to ignore it. It sounds like BM is just trying to get under you and your SO's skin. I know how you feel and I am sorry that you are going through this.

ProbablyAlreadyInsane's picture

Submitted by ProbablyAlready... on Tue, 05/15/2018 - 8:06am

They play these games... Kind of like when BM ditched the girls... Her reasoning for not ever seeing them?: "I'm sorry, I just don't have money like your daddy does..." BTW, DH is a student, gets a GI bill, but the majority of that goes to the debt she took out in his name... The rest is mine and it's paycheck to paycheck... 

Thankfully MIL actually stepped in there, I didn't know what to say. MIL explained to SD9 that "mommy would have money if she got a job like everyone else." LOL (I shouldn't laugh... But i can't say anything, and neither could DH, so her saying that was gold.)

ProbablyAlreadyInsane's picture

Submitted by ProbablyAlready... on Tue, 05/15/2018 - 12:34pm

Because she'd have to remain employed and actually care about responsibility Tank! We couldn't possibly expect that of her!

Plus she took it all out in his name during deployment... Which means NONE of it ties to her according to the banks and credit bereau... The lawyer said only way we cna get her to pay her 50%, is to pay it, then go for restitutions... But tbh.. At that point I think we'll just want to be done with her.

Dontfeedthetrolls's picture

Submitted by Dontfeedthetrolls on Tue, 05/15/2018 - 2:26pm

Our lawyer said that any accounts BM opened while he was over seas were completely hers because she missused her power of eterny. SO was able to prove that he couldn't have been the one who opened them because they were during the dates he was deployed.

ProbablyAlreadyInsane's picture

Submitted by ProbablyAlready... on Tue, 05/15/2018 - 3:35pm

OUrs didn't tell us that... But we may be able to take a look at it... The divorce decree says they both have to pay 50% of anything incurred during marriage. But that's really only enforceable if we take her to court...

That sounds amazing though... Since she has loans, credit cards, the military credit cards (those got paid off with tax returns that we didnt' get...), her car that she bought at a high interest rate in his name, then proceeded to get repossesed... Etc... All while he was deployed and she was supposed to be paying just bills...

Survivingstephell's picture

Submitted by Survivingstephell on Tue, 05/15/2018 - 10:03am

Did you ask her if she would miss her mommy?  BM is playing YOU and messing with YOUR head.  Shameful yes.  Get the book Divorce Poison and find the website.  On there is a video called Welcome back Pluto,(something like that)  We used it and made a couple of the kids watch it when they were preteens.  Its well done, produced for younger kids but the messages were still good.  Ironically the kids that watched it, mine and one of his are the most stable out of 7 in our blended situation.  You are lucky that you can start working against PAS early.  I wish we would have had the tools when we first started our blended family.  We also were clueless that our ex's were as disordered as  they are.  That's another issue.  Getting BM to stay in her lane is paramount.  She does not need to interfere with the realationships that come with her father's time.  

ndc's picture

Submitted by ndc on Tue, 05/15/2018 - 10:54am

Are you certain that it was BM that said those things?  My SO's daughter, when she had just turned 4, started talking about how mommy said she would like to live with daddy and it would be better if mommy and daddy lived together, etc.  BM had said nothing of the sort, and did not want to live with daddy at all (BM was the one who left SO).  The kid was projecting what SHE wanted and saying it was what mommy said she wanted.    Your situation could be completely different, but I've learned to take what pre-schoolers say with a grain of salt.  I shudder to think what this kid tells BM that daddy says.

Dontfeedthetrolls's picture

Submitted by Dontfeedthetrolls on Tue, 05/15/2018 - 12:12pm

I don’t see brain washing. The kid went an extended time without seeing her father. When you guys get back she’s talking about how she wants to live with daddy. Am I misunderstanding because I really don’t see an issue there and that’s not normal PAS.

Of course then the little girl is wishing mommy could live with daddy too….. Again I’m not seeing an issue because of course a young child wants mommy and daddy to live with her.

This doesn’t have to be some big scheme like it seems you’re making it. Kids have ideas of their own and sometimes those ideas don’t get communicated clearly.

I don’t see brain washing. The kid went an extended time without seeing her father. When you guys get back she’s talking about how she wants to live with daddy. Am I misunderstanding because I really don’t see an issue there and that’s not normal PAS.

Of course then the little girl is wishing mommy could live with daddy too….. Again I’m not seeing an issue because of course a young child wants mommy and daddy to live with her.

I don’t see brain washing. The kid went an extended time without seeing her father. When you guys get back she’s talking about how she wants to live with daddy. Am I misunderstanding because I really don’t see an issue there and that’s not normal PAS.

Of course then the little girl is wishing mommy could live with daddy too….. Again I’m not seeing an issue because of course a young child wants mommy and daddy to live with her. Of course she thinks mommy would be happy to live with daddy becuase why not?

This doesn’t have to be some big scheme like it seems you’re making it. Kids have ideas of their own and sometimes those ideas don’t get communicated clearly. You have no idea where this came from but you're so set on BM being evil that something that might have nothing to do with her is clearly her fault to you. You need to focus on facts not what you think you know. Worrying about what BM might be doing will only give you an ulcer because there's nothing you can do about it.

This doesn’t have to be some big scheme like it seems you’re making it. Kids have ideas of their own and sometimes those ideas don’t get communicated clearly.

Thumper's picture

Submitted by Thumper on Tue, 05/15/2018 - 2:00pm

Nanny OR babysitter? "Me and My boyfriend' :/

 

Miss, that is not brainwashing. Your boyfriends children kicking and crying they DO NOT want to see dad because he is a bad man would be significant.

Sorry your going thru this experience. This sounds like a tough road ahead for you based on your previous posts I saw you made.  

Your boyfriends kids are so young. Can you imangin this and worse for the rest of your life? 

Please put yourself first, "FIRST".