Two questions....
Two questions...
Do you think I should try to resolve the conflict by reaching out BM?
Do you think it's normal for two people who absolutely cannot co-parent to still communicate after a kid reaches adulthood or the NCP stop paying CS?
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^^^^^LittleBoPeep took the
^^^^^LittleBoPeep took the words out my mouth. You can't resolve anything with crazy and 2 people who can't compromise will never be able to communicate and come to some middle ground. Save yourself the trouble & stay out of it.
That is what I thought I have
That is what I thought I have co-workers telling me that I should contact BM and try to resolve the conflict between us and that my DH should still try to co-parent with BM after the skids turn 18.
Why does this person think
Why does this person think that any divorced couple needs to coparent adults??
I've reached out to BM before and I'll tell you, it was one of the worst mistakes I've ever made. These women are not "friends" and definitely not co-parents.
Your co-workers are horribly misinformed.
1) No. 2) No.
1) No.
2) No.
NO.
NO.
Your co-workers are delusional.
Co-parent an adult?!
Co-parent an adult?!
Yes they said that parents
Yes they said that parents will always be connect together and that from time to time some parents might need to communicate with each other even after their kids become adults or the NCP stop paying CS. I think this is utter BS.
Does the CO say dad must pay
Does the CO say dad must pay a portion of college? If no, to Hell with BM. If yes, an 18+ year old ADULT can manage to communicate between the two parties.
Nope, the CO states that DH
Nope, the CO states that DH has to pay CS until the age of 18 or until the kid graduates high school
WHO is 'they said" there will
WHO is 'they said" there will be a connection. Must have been a dreamer BM.
ewwww, I have an ex---we get along well. But ewwww, CONNECTED,,,,ewwwww no no no nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
He is my kids biodad and my ex-h. THATS it there is no 'connection' at all. ewww
LOL DH didn't have a
LOL DH didn't have a connection with BM when they were married. He has even made comments about how he felt nothing for her when she was pregnant with kids he didn't want with her (he was an alcoholic and later was on serious psych meds when BM decided to go off BC to get more babies out of him). I'm sure he would laugh at the thought of him having a connection to a woman he couldn't stand, tried to ditch before she pulled the "I'm pregnant" card and that he hasn't talked to in years.
1. He!! no.
1. He!! no.
2. Bahahahahahahahahahaaaaaaa!!! No.
Yeah I figured that I wouldn
Yeah I figured that I wouldn't take their advice. I need to stop talking to them altogether about this kind of stuff and just focus on what you guys tell me. And none of them are step parents they are all parents.
I'm glad you said this. You
I'm glad you said this. You had me worried.
There is no "reaching out" to
There is no "reaching out" to a high conflict person. They will use that against you, you can bet on it. The more manipulative they are, the more you need to keep your distance. Do not give her the chance to scope out your weaknesses.
If two people cannot co-parent when the kids are minors, how is that going to change when the kids are adults?
My SD aging out was the best frickin' day of my husband's life, regarding that bitch of an ex of his. He hasn't spoken to her since and doesn't plan on ever speaking to her again. It has been awesome.
hereiam I was thinking the
hereiam I was thinking the same exact thing. I just needed to hear it from someone else.
So I guess when they become
So I guess when they become adults and they parent are still co-parenting they should've probably just stayed married
If they can't coparent now,
If they can't coparent now, what makes anyone think they can/will after the kids are 18?
I will say that my mom and dad have done SOME coparenting after my siblings turned 18, but that had more to do with medical issues (DS has some mental health issues). However, barring a NEED to communicate because of health, injury, etc., there shouldn't be any communication.
Oh, and why would you reach out to BM? She won't listen to your DH. Plus, even if you DID "fix" your relationship with BM, your DH doesn't listen to you or care about your opinions, so it would still be a moot point.
That would be a big-o fat no
That would be a big-o fat no on both counts.
1. Why waste your time.
2.When the child becomes an adult he will do what he wants anyway. A parent can suggest things to enhance their lives but the grown adult skid is in charge of his life.
I'm gonna give a storng no to
I'm gonna give a storng no to both. TBH I don't even think exes should be contacting each other prior to the age out unless ABSOLUTELY necessary in the first place. After that, it's no longer necessary.
The BM and I have always had
The BM and I have always had a terrible relationship. I have been a parent to her child longer than she has. It wasn’t until recently that her and I have slowly started a relationship. It took numerous attempts over 9 years, but finally I had enough and told her to ‘let’s agree to disagree, this is only hurting the child’
it has been 2 weeks, so far so good, but I know it won’t last long.
My advice, don’t stoop to her level and don’t reply if you don’t have to. Never fuel the fire. People are angry for a reason and that reason lies within them.
Only people who are Not in a
Only people who are Not in a step situation would think that. I’m also betting that the people saying it are women.
In all fairness, it’s easy to understand why they think that way. In most intact families, Mom talks to the kids and passes on info to Dad. DHs parents are still married (54 years) and the only time he talks to his Dad is when it’s about work. They both do construction and concrete work.
When it comes to making plans or just general life stuff, I talk to MIL or DH talks to her. The one time I asked FIL what he wanted to do on Fathers Day, he said ask MIL!
SIL never talks to her Dad on the phone. She chats with him when she sees him but it’s her Mom who knows all about her life and the grandkids. Mom then shares all the info with Dad and everyone is caught up.
1. Don't reach out to HCBM.
1. Don't reach out to HCBM. No good can come from that.
2. There's no need to co-parent an adult child. There *may* be the rare time when communication could be warranted - weddings, funerals, etc. But in general, no. My dad's parents divorced when he and his siblings were all over 18. With the exception of a passing hello at one grandchild's wedding, they haven't spoken to each other since, let alone co-parented.