And the insanity continues - what is even acceptable anymore
I have a SS15 and SD16. My marriage is wonderful, we have everything and more than people could want in life. However, the kids have now entered us into the Twilight Zone. SS15got caught stealing prescription pills last year (while not even in high school). We sent him away to an intensive language camp overseas for the summer last year (thinking a change of envrionment from his friends) would be positive. He was a great student and thought it may provide guidance and a challenge. He of course hated it. Promised to be better, positive, didn't want to let my husband down, etc. etc. Now we have discovered he has been feeding us a line of BS. We were overseas for two weeks with the proviso they were to be at there mom's house. She (who has consistently montitored their locations since the time they got cell phones) apparently stopped looking or caring - or she would have found out that SS and his friends basically lived here for several days.....I was notified by an employee of my manager that he had the nerve to stop by and ask when we would be home.... she alerted me something was up. BM's response was "LOL we all did things like that when we were kids." Too much to go into but once again, my DH gave them a second chance. SS15 has gone out of his way to tell me (we were close.....now I want nothing to do with him...) he is so against alcohol. Flash forward to this weekend when my DH received a phone call that he and a friend were caught at a home construction site drinking near our house (they said they wrer going fishing - how innocent it sounded). Open container, trespass, underage drinking, and a 16 year old friend who would have been driving. The cop actually let him go (I wish he would have gotten NAILED). After all that, he STILL continued to look at us in the eye and change his story and lie 6 times about where the alcohol came from. STILL denied it until I showed him proof I knew he was the ringleader. Over the past 8 weeks, the alarm has gone off at 1:45 in the morning in my SD's room - claiming someone knocked, she was scared, opened the window and dropped her phone outside of it ------- more like snuck out before we turned the alarm ON (as she was grounded) and tried to get back in. Once again, no getting mad by my DH. Got caught in another lie two days later. I came home from running errands to a wide open back door - which was opened in our bedroom 4 minutes after I arrived (someone was here... and I think it was SS.)
I certainly wasn't perfect when I grew up, but my conscience caught up with me every time and fear / respect for my parents was far greater than the fear of anything.....I would have rather gone to jail than deal with disappointing my parents LOL
Maybe this is more of a request for guidance as to teenagers in general. How do you teach a kid to have a conscience?!
What has your husband done to
What has your husband done to punish these teens? If the answer is nothing or not a whole lot, then the kids aren't afraid of disappointing or getting in trouble with dad. I don't know if it's conscience so much for teens as, as you said, fear/respect of the parents. It doesn't sound like they fear or respect your husband.
He has grounded, held SD
He has grounded, held SD accountable for repayment for damage to a car, taken away privileges, anything else that a parent would do. They are with us one week on, one week off, and BM does absolutely everything to sabotage what he does. So, when he has reached out to her about behavior, she doesn't enforce punishments over there and thinks it's "funny". When SS was over here while we were overseas - and under her care - she thought it was hilarious and "kids will be kids". If the shoe was on the other foot, she would be irate. So we live to brace ourself for the next ruined week. Next step at this point is boarding school.
Military.... boarding School.
Military.... boarding School.
If your husband is at least
If your husband is at least trying to punish, then just let the punishment stand with brutal force at your house. If it's miserable enough, they won't be coming to your house often and BM will have to deal with them wrecking her life.
Next time you go away, the last thing you should do is surprise ask the skids for their keys to your house. They can be returned when you're back. If you have a code for entry, change it before you go. I would not want them in my house while I'm away because a homeowner is liable for so much when something goes wrong.
This bad behavior will likely catch up to your skids at some point -- the next officer might not let them off with just a warning. Or they may get lucky and grow out of it.
I was no angel, but I was terrified of my mother's wrath. I think most kids develop a conscience as they get older or when they get caught in a way that has true consequences -- like a police record.
In the meantime, the more you can keep them at their mother's house, the more their mother won't think their crap is funny. Bold punishment by you and your husband will keep them at bay.
You make me so glad I never had to deal with this!!!!
Well, you can’t affect what
Well, you can’t affect what BM does at her house.
and it doesn’t sound like BM/DH co parent well.
you need a punishment that would stick. And DH to go hard on his kids. He has to be willing to be the bad guy.