Babysitting boyfriend's kids
Hi everyone! This is my first time posting but I've been lurking for weeks now. This website is officially my sanctuary.I honestly feel less alone these days.
A little about my situation: I'm 29 and don't have any kids of my own yet. I've been with my boyfriend for one year now.He has 6 kids ranging from 2.5 to almost 12. The older 4 he has EOW. The younger two he has had full custody of for the last 5 months. The bio mom of the younger two is currently living with us because she had no where to go. My boyfriend hasn't been working for the last 7 months due to issues with his muscular skeletal system and joints. He is currently seeing doctors. He said he needs to return to work despite these issues that are going on because he doesn't have backed up savings and needs to support his children. The issue I am having with him is that he expects me to cut down hours with working or quit all together so I can stay home and watch his kids because he said it doesn't make sense for me to work since he makes a lot more money than me. The problem I'm having is that we're not married so why would that even be asked of me... And even if we were isn't that between you and their mother who also currently lives with us? I don't mind helping here and there but I don't see how this is my responsibility. Isn't that a lot to ask of a girlfriend?
Oh my what a mess- you don't
Oh my what a mess- you don't have your own kids- you have been in a relationship for a year- he has six kids and has serious health problems- he wants you to stay home and be a servant- his ex lives with you!
Girl get out get out and then when you've got out go as far away as possible from this total craziness- unless you are totally crazy and I guess you can stay. I have no advice other than this.
Please dump this loser.
Please dump this loser.
Sorry, you lost me at, "He
Sorry, you lost me at, "He has 6 kids."
Just no. No way. No.
I'm sorry, but how do you not
I'm sorry, but how do you not feel...weird, shamed, disgusted...with the BM living with you? Honestly, are you SERIOUSLY ok with that? REALLY?!
I didn't mind at first
I didn't mind at first because I felt really bad for her. She doesn't have any family. I do mind now though. Especially if I have to make more sacrifices for their kids than the actual parents.
Too much!
Seriously stressful situation, sorry you're experiencing this. If it was your best friend, not you, in this same situation, what would you say to her? I'm betting you'd encourage her to move on & find someone who treats her with respect, not like a live-in free nanny with bedroom benefits. The ex living there is so over-the-top...
Take care!
You have a point
I would tell her to sprint not run. I just feel kind of sad because I feel bad for the kids and I'm attached.
oh no no no!
WTAF?
You quit and look after his kids when he doesn'thave an actual job right now? Hell no. Either BM looks after them while she's there (and that's just weird anyway) or he does something that people all over the world do - and HIRE childcare. I had to. Millions maybe billions of other people have had to as well.
I don't care if you're working fast food, you do not quit that job.
NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO.
NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO.
Mom of his kids live with you?
Dad doesn`t work?
Dude, you're the nanny.
Mom`s not your problem. If dad is willing to give his ex a place to live, while not working and you paying for it, he doesn`t love you.
Uh, yeah. That’s A LOT to ask
Uh, yeah. That’s A LOT to ask of a girlfriend.
Leave. Be free. Go and live your best life, child-free. There are still men out in the world without children - or just one child.
You look like a lovely young
You look like a lovely young lady and you come with no baggage. Surely you can do better for yourself than this situation?
Oh.. my. Yeah I'm with the
Oh.. my. Yeah I'm with the run for the hills crowd. Even a blind bull could see the red flags.
1. 6 kids (well I guess technically THAT part isn't part of his muscular skeleton)
2. EX living with him still.. just a nope.. no way.. she isn't his problem.. you should have stood your ground on that and refused to date him until she was out.
3. Unemployed.... (there is always an excuse right?)
4. Wants you to become more dependent on hiim because he is such a stellar provider... (see number 3).
No way do you quit your job and babysit his kids. If it makes sense for him to pay a babysitter.. he should do so. He sees you as a cheap, gullible stooge to watch his 6 kids while his live in EX does nothing and he will become on and off again unemployed because he will have "physical issues" and you will be paying 110% of your pay going into debt to support this lot of layabouts.
Sorry, because I'm sure it's not what you hope to hear from people... and I am trying to be supportive of YOU.. not your situation.
Pick up your self esteem and move out. If you have to work OT to save up to get your own place.. do it. If you still want to give this guy a chance... here are the conditions.
1. He has to maintain employment.
2. Ex does not live with him.
3. He hires childcare
Give him at least a year of doing all this on your own before you consider a move in with him.
Uhhhhhh
What in the what?! This is one of the craziest things I've read in a while.
Thank you guys for validating
Thank you guys for validating my feelings on this matter. Now I know for sure that I'm not being unreasonable or selfish. My boyfriend is just manipulative. I'm not going to quit my job for his kids. I never intended on doing that anyway.
He's not unemployed. He has a job in the union building sets for movies and tv shows. He took off for 7 months... Now he he needs to return even though he may not physically be able to do the job but because he doesn't have money to pay the bills he's going back. He obviously needs to work I'm certainly not going to pay the bills but I also refuse to work less so I can stay home with the kids.