This site is a lifesaver!
I absolutely love this site as its full of people who understand how incredibly difficult it is being a stepparent.Ive used a couple of sites here in the uk and vented and all you ever get back is how people feel so sorry for the stepchild and how wicked I am,obviously these people have never had a vile stepchild to deal with every friggin weekend who bullies their child and is constantly moaning and huffing and puffing.I HATE being around my partners son (I dont class him as my SS).How can you like a child who is so unlikeable?,who is vile tempered and whos vocabulary only consists of grunting or saying OMG?,a child who doesnt speak to you after 6 years and who leaves the room when you walk in.
Then having to deal with a partner who constantly makes excuses for his demon child and waits on him hand and foot yet doesnt with our DD5.A partner who is scared to upset his Royal Highness for fear of upsetting him and God forbid discipline him!
So thank God for this site,full of people who unfortunatly share the same fate as me but most of all people who understand!
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It helps
Because we feel, we are the only ones that are going through this. We are guilty that we don’t love out SK, we think it’s our fault that our SO treats us like dirt. It’s our fault it’s not the Brady bunch at our house. It our fault that SK treat us like dirt. Biggest “you knew what you were getting into “. Yes, we know that we would get no respect. That you are better then the EX, but you are still not good enough. EX does nothing but gets everything and there nothing left for you.
this board is here to see that most SP Get the shaft, Bio come first, EX comes second and your are left with third. That if MIL is not in the mix !!!
How true!
My partners son has just turned 11 and I met him when he was 4 and he still doesnt speak to me!,my partner says "Oh hes just shy",shy after all this time?,no,hes not hes just plain rude and pig ignorant!.He would rather die of thirst than ask me if he can have a drink,hes very vocal with other people and tbh I couldnt care less now that he doesnt speak to me.Ive learnt to disengage now and it helps massively.
That Old
Chestnut..."He/she is just shy" (TM) Substitute rude/spoiled for the word "shy"
This site has too helped me
This site has too helped me tremendously. And not even with just being able to vent but reading other people's blogs and realizing that I am not alone is the most comforting for me. Before I found this site I would let my emotions eat at me...like how could I not like my stepsons (there is 3 of them...10, 6 and 4) AND there is certain things I disagree with my SO on how he treats them...as they too do not get disciplined when and how they should AND how do other step parents live this life CUZ IT SUCKS SOMETIMES! Well most of questions are now answered all because of this site...this is life and hearing everyone else's coping skills and advice has really helped me ALOT!
Same as me
Youre exactly the same as me,as stupid as it sounds I thought that I was the only one who had these feelings towards a stepchild and that all other stepparents seem to do just fine so the problem must lie with me?,but after discovering this site i realise im not alone and its great to just vent and let off steam as well as reading other SP experiences and tips for getting through it.
Hi to a fellow Brit!
Hi to a fellow Brit!
I know all too well what its like to live with horrible skids, we had hell with his daughter, now estranged and had higher hopes for the son but he's just as bad but in other ways. Luckily my DH (not a brit as i live in europe now) was on the ball and deals with his brat plus is supportive to me.
But still, the fact remains of having to live with these brats.
I'm wondering what happens if you try to talk to your partner about his sons behaviour?
Hi there!
I have spoken with him but its like hes in denial and refuses to talk about it.He makes excuses for his son and when his son speaks to him like dirt he laughs it off??,if he asks his son to do anything such as put his rubbish in the bin or pick up a plate off the floor his son will say no or moan about doing it so my partner will just do it himself!,its like anything for a quiet life and hes scared of upsetting him.It used to really bug me but now im of the opinion not my kid not my problem but when he starts on my daughter then it becomes my problem as I will not sit back and allow it anymore,if his son hits our daughter then my partner will say "well she must of been harassing him",so this gives him the right to hit her?,my only solution I can see is to avoid being here with my daughter as much as I can when his son comes and there will definetly be no more family holidays if his son comes along.Its such a shame as my daughter adores her brother but he is just so nasty to her but when hes bored he wants to know her but can only be nice for a short time before hes back to being nasty again,i feel my partner feels he should be his friend first and a parent second but I think yoy should be a parent first and a friend second.Even with witnesses there when he has been vile to my daughter then SS denies it and my partner believes him over everybody else.A few months back he was on a school trip for a few days and was bullying another kid there and the teachers threatened to send him home so rang BM to let her know but when my partner asked him about it he denied he was bullying another child so my partner believed him,its as if everybody else is lying and his son is an angel who never lies.What message is this sending to a child?,that you can do as you please in life to who you please and you will never face consequences if you just lie your way out of it?,children need to be taught that bad behaviour and hurting others is wrong and comes with punishment if you do it,I would of never allowed my 2 older children to bully him when he was younger and if they ever did then I would of come down on them like a ton of bricks!
He's Creating A Monster
I see nothing good here. You'll need to protect your DD from SS's abuse ...that is first and foremost. Do not allow them to be together without 24/7 supervision. Wait until this skid becomes a teen... Is there anyone SO would listen to such as as an older, wiser relative about hus encouraging feralness?
Unfortunatly no there isnt
My partners dad lives an hours drive away and sees him every 8 weeks or so but even if he were to say something to him he would just brush it off as kids being kids etc,ive tried a few times myself and its excuse after excuse as to whtly he behaves that way,hes in complete denial.Ive tried the talking way which has got me nowhere so my only option is with action which is me going out with my daughter when his son comes.I told my partner I was taking our daughter away for a week in the school summer holidays and he was asking if him and his son could come too and I said no as its too stressful and holidays are meant to be a time to chill,relax and have fun with the kids and not have to worry about my daughters safety,just the car journey alone would be a nightmare let alone the holiday.My partner was a bit miffed as to why he wasnt invited but I reminded him once more the reasons I was going alone with DD,and he seemed to accept it.If we go anywhere his son is always miserable anyway and if we dont do as he wants or leave when he wants then hes moaning and cussing and cursing and I cant be doing listening to it anymore,if it were my child doing that i would firmly tell them I am the parent and we will go when I decide.I always knew the type of kid he would be from the day I met him and my prediction was right and I can see him turning into even more of a monster in his teens,god help his parents as they are as useless as each other and just pussyfoot around him.Im not a perfect parent by any means but I never had any of this type of behaviour when my DD20 and DS18 were little and I dont have it now with DD5.My 2 eldest have turned into well rounded young adults with morals and know right from wrong so I must of done something right as I raised them.as a single parent and I am very proud of them both.DD 5 knows her limits with me and knows when shes crossed the line and any temper tantrums she may of had when she was small were quickly nipped in the bud and now they dont happen at all and I firmly believe this is down to consistent and authoritive parenting.She is my little best friend and we have lots of fun together and shes a very happy and confident child with a firm sense of right and wrong.
As for my partners son,its up to him and he will be the one to have to deal with all the forthcoming shit he will get off him further in the future,as long as my DD isnt affected I couldnt care less.Ive teied and tried to advise him on better parenting (his son is his firstborn child) but it falls on deaf ears so theres no point wasti g my breath,i Just hope after a few times on him missing out on fun days out/holidays with me and DD he may start to realise and finally admit to himself that his son is the real problem but I honestly dont think he would ever admit it to me.I hope in a way im still around to see the trouble he will bring him as he gets older (sounds wicked I know),but if im not then Im sure il read about him and see his name in the newspaper one day because you are spot on when you say he is creating a monster.