I think that it's somewhat normal for any kid to experiment with stealing, particularly in these split home situations. My skids, for example, will periodically take clothing from out house because they want it at BM's. There's the entitlement midset. Since it's clothes, it's nothing to make a big deal about.
SS (almost 9) will take things from my house because BM tells him to, as well. That, I think, is an expression of his (and her) hostility. At our house, again, usually it's clothing, so NBD.
Sometimes it's thoughtless... Sometimes the skids just don't know which house something belongs in, so they'll put it in their bag, assuming that it belongs at the other house.
I think that the critical factor, as with all things skid, is to call out bad behavior when it happens and to hold them accountable for it.
With Killjoy, the targets have been only MIL and myself, consistent with BM's attitude. BM is HPD, so she see's all men as potential marks, and all women as rivals. BM HATES other women. DH can leave his wallet full of money in the kitchen overnight, and nothing happens to it. There hasn't been one corner of my stuff that has been untouched by Killjoy. With DH she's all needy and manipulative.
It is yet another manifestation of an ongoing theme in which I am the target of everything, and Killjoy is her mother's clone.
I actually saw SD21 (when she was about 14) taking CDs out of our rack and hiding them inside her cardigan prior to leaving to go back to NPD BM's. I think they just thought that anything in our house was fair game. In the end I had to catalogue every CD and DVD we owned to keep track of ones that "walked".
My skids steal because they are criminals and addicts, plain and simple. They steal from each other, their grandparents, us and anyone who is unlucky enough to let them into their home.
Who cares why? I care only that they do steal and it is the behavior that must be confronted and extinguished with absolute zero tolerance and the application of a life of abject misery until their behavior complies with reasonable standardss of behavior in the blended family.
It seems that we as SParents, or maybe it is just parents in blended families in general, spend far too much time feeling instead of acting, analyzing instead of addressing intollerable behaviors, etc, etc, etc....
Bring the pain in an age appropriate manner. Anything other than the destruction of the unacceptable behavior is just enabling. At least in most situations. Certainly there can be exceptions.... but not many.
I agree with punishing this behavior, but in Killjoy's case, it seems to be a compulsion for her, like a drug addiction. Since she is so "passive", it is the only way she can manage her volcanic hostility.
DH thinks she's just greedy and he punished and warned her, so she won't do it anymore. He says we can trust her now. Lol. I think she is still going through my things.
My formerSS13 pretty much thought anything in the house was subject to being his. Including anything in my purse, my jewellery (thousands of $ worth is missing), hell, even half drank gatorade in the fridge (even if there were plenty unopened available!).
If he was busted either 1. he didn't do it, 2. he didn't know or 3. he forgot. Even if it was the same thing over and over. But, he did get "a stern talking to".
I think it depends on the situation.
I think that it's somewhat normal for any kid to experiment with stealing, particularly in these split home situations. My skids, for example, will periodically take clothing from out house because they want it at BM's. There's the entitlement midset. Since it's clothes, it's nothing to make a big deal about.
SS (almost 9) will take things from my house because BM tells him to, as well. That, I think, is an expression of his (and her) hostility. At our house, again, usually it's clothing, so NBD.
Sometimes it's thoughtless... Sometimes the skids just don't know which house something belongs in, so they'll put it in their bag, assuming that it belongs at the other house.
I think that the critical factor, as with all things skid, is to call out bad behavior when it happens and to hold them accountable for it.
With Killjoy, the targets
With Killjoy, the targets have been only MIL and myself, consistent with BM's attitude. BM is HPD, so she see's all men as potential marks, and all women as rivals. BM HATES other women. DH can leave his wallet full of money in the kitchen overnight, and nothing happens to it. There hasn't been one corner of my stuff that has been untouched by Killjoy. With DH she's all needy and manipulative.
It is yet another manifestation of an ongoing theme in which I am the target of everything, and Killjoy is her mother's clone.
I actually saw SD21 (when she
I actually saw SD21 (when she was about 14) taking CDs out of our rack and hiding them inside her cardigan prior to leaving to go back to NPD BM's. I think they just thought that anything in our house was fair game. In the end I had to catalogue every CD and DVD we owned to keep track of ones that "walked".
Dang!
Dang!
Did you smack her on the back
Did you smack her on the back of her theiving head and tell her to put your shit back?
If not.... why not?
smh
My skids steal because they
My skids steal because they are criminals and addicts, plain and simple. They steal from each other, their grandparents, us and anyone who is unlucky enough to let them into their home.
Who cares why? I care only
Who cares why? I care only that they do steal and it is the behavior that must be confronted and extinguished with absolute zero tolerance and the application of a life of abject misery until their behavior complies with reasonable standardss of behavior in the blended family.
It seems that we as SParents, or maybe it is just parents in blended families in general, spend far too much time feeling instead of acting, analyzing instead of addressing intollerable behaviors, etc, etc, etc....
Bring the pain in an age appropriate manner. Anything other than the destruction of the unacceptable behavior is just enabling. At least in most situations. Certainly there can be exceptions.... but not many.
IMHO of course.
I agree with punishing this
I agree with punishing this behavior, but in Killjoy's case, it seems to be a compulsion for her, like a drug addiction. Since she is so "passive", it is the only way she can manage her volcanic hostility.
DH thinks she's just greedy and he punished and warned her, so she won't do it anymore. He says we can trust her now. Lol. I think she is still going through my things.
I caught
SD at the time eight or nine years old going through chefs wallet and my purse with OSS as Lookout. Her excuse was "I thought you were sleeping."
My formerSS13 pretty much
My formerSS13 pretty much thought anything in the house was subject to being his. Including anything in my purse, my jewellery (thousands of $ worth is missing), hell, even half drank gatorade in the fridge (even if there were plenty unopened available!).
If he was busted either 1. he didn't do it, 2. he didn't know or 3. he forgot. Even if it was the same thing over and over. But, he did get "a stern talking to".