I made an effort for a few years to build a good relationship with SD, even when the going got tough I continued to try, but then what we'd built disintergrated overnight.

Even though we didn't hit it off to start with (I was told her DD didn't need another mother on our first meeting followed by SD telling me what her BM had said about me) I made an effort with BM, that disintergrated over the same night too.

The saddest thing I find is the way it has changed some of my feelings toward my SO, I wish he'd dealt with some of the issues head on instead of skirting around them and causing more upset.

Sometimes I even feel sorry for BM. Her father although very successful was almost certainly bi-polar. She’s had major breakdowns.  One of her sons was a psycho involved in murder. The other is a raging drunk with an emphasis on the rage part. 

My opinion of SS33 hasn’t really changed,  but he is now 100% removed from my life. The psycho murder enabler is dead. 

I really tried in the beginning with SS, but it was so much more difficult than I thought it would be.  We have a pretty good relationship because he is a good kid overall, but I would not say we are particularly close.  Since we moved out of state about three years ago I thought DH's relationship with BM had improved A LOT (I don't have any contact with her at all), but she went full crazy about two months ago and it looks like we're back to where we started.  It feels like I'm on a see-saw to be honest, just going up and down.  Even when things are "good," I'm always on alert, waiting for the inevitable drama to start up again and I don't think that is going to change.  Overall our issues are just with BM, so as long as things with SS continue in the same way (*fingers crossed*), we will be free of this drama when SS becomes an adult.

As most have stated I went into this with rose colored glasses, not having any BIOs I took SDs as my own even though BD was in the picture it was clear he didn't want the responsibility only the adulation.  Somewhere I still love them but the amount of hurt they have caused me, let alone their mother is enough for me to not want anything to do with them and I don't expect it will ever change.

The difference for me is BD acknowledges me and all I have done for them, he doesn't cause problems, he still doesn't want the responsibility but I'm used to that.

I can only hope that things go better with the Grand skids we are raising now, fingers crossed and prayers raised.

I used to love my stepdaughter now I’m not sure it was love. Now it’s turned into no emotion what so ever. I don’t care at all. Her mother turns my stomach at one point I tried with her too but all she’s ever done was take advantage of me and whenever she didnt get mher way she’d try to turn my husband against me. BM is a thorn in my side. She’s always calling my husband and calling my in laws for money or extra free time. I used to take care of all 3 kids and she can’t even handle her 1 for a week without begging someone to take her. I tried to be respectful and make things work in the past but now it’s hard to even look at them. 

I thought BM could act sane for the sake of the girls...  I worked hard to be friendly... I went in REALLY optomistic. She got worse, I realized she's a low-life that hurts the girls and does drugs... So now instead of thinking we can all work together for the girls, I honestly pity her poor life decisions and the fact she's missing out on an amazing relationship with these two girls by her own choice. Instead of respecting her place as a mother, I've come to see that giving birth doesn't make you a mom if you choose to hurt those you're supposed to protect.

The skids yes as well. I found it hard to conenct as first. I always liked them. But now they're really my girls. Less of a diconnect, I understand them better, and honestly I truly love them. I stopped seeing them as a responsibility and started seeing them as my family.

A bit, yes. I used to believe everything my husband said about his ex-wife. He says she's a horrible person, totally incompetent, etc. I believed it because I've met her, and frankly, she strikes me as an idiot. To this day, I maintain that she's someone I wouldn't voluntarily spend time with or befriend. Yet, I see her side of things a lot more now. 

My husband is very controlling, and he's very good at it, to the point that you don't realize what he's doing until you're stuck. Then you notice that he's basically made up a version of you that doesn't bear much resemblance to reality, and he tells you all the time that this is who you are. 

The moment I realized this was when he made a certain very specific accusation of me, which he used to make of her. It is something so ridiculous that nobody would ever do it, and I didn't even believe him that she had at first until I met her, and then I thought, "Well, maybe she really is that stupid." But then he accused me of this thing, which I have certainly never done, and I thought to myself, his ex must not have done this either. 

The longer I'm in this situation, the more I see that her biggest problem was him. The things he said about her were almost all false. He says many of the same things about me now, and a few new ones. My dirty secret is that I was rooting for her to win the custody case, because she's a far fitter parent than he is. I actually feel bad for her that she has a kid with this man, and I think of her every time I read an article about a woman having to share custody with her abuser. She's so much better off without him. I can tell she's as weighed down as I am by this 50/50 schedule. 

I don't feel any different about my stepson, though. He's still a brat and his mother can still take him and move to the moon. 

My DH never badmouthed BM.  He actually would defend her to death.  Okay.  She's just stayed away so I don't care.

The only time I really was pissed at her was when she refused to deal with SS - about 25 at the time- which was her perogative but she thought I should step up and take care of his worthless a$$.  She and DH were the two people who had sex years after their divorce with ZERO BC and they produced this disgusting POS.

I was diligent about using BC so I did not produce some little bastard.  I was not willing to take care of their crotch dropping because they were irresponsible a$$es.   Sometimes I want to send her a card that says "you should have swallowed".

Just joined this board and can see and reflect that things really don’t change with time. I, too, tried telling my DH to “talk” to his DD, throughout the years, but he never did. Their BM did everything in her power for them to dislike me and she won! I have 0 relationship with them, their BM has remarried and has moved 2 hours away leaving them with their grandparents, DH’s parents. I truly blame my DH for not being a man and teaching them right from wrong. These SD’s can do no wrong and need him for his wallet. They’re entitled little witches19&21, and use dad for $$.  I don’t attend his family functions because of them as they have made it incredibly difficult as all eyes are on me to see how I interact or don’t interact or heaven forbid I blink wrong at them! Yes, I’ve been called out on that by his family! I don’t know how we’ve lasted all these years, but don’t know how much longer I can go on. I can’t stand the entitlement that has been given to them all these years and I know that I will never have a relationship with them. I have so much anger and resentment built that I know will NEVER GO AWAY! I’ve instilled in my own bio daughter, DON’T ever marry anyone with kids!