Hi everyone. I am brand new here . I couldn’t go another day without finding some kind of outlet to talk ... or i might lose my mind . In Feb my step daughter moved in with us (from Vegas to Hawai’i ). We have been married four years , together for six and we have always had her over the summers . Her behavior towards her mom ( in my opinion , due to overindulgence and guilty parenting on both ends) got so bad hat she ended up getting expelled for something SO bad I can’t even post here. So, without me really even being considered - she was sent to live with us. I say that as in no one asked me my opinion - and i guess that’s cause what could I say? Run and ruin my marriage or tough it out the next few years ? Realistically no one would want to be with someone that makes them choose their own child or them, right ? So here we are today . We have ALWAYS had the same issues year after year . Starting on our wedding day and little one in tears because she was visiting us and wanted to sleep with us when she had a family sitter situation set up that night . I KNEW it was going to happen cause dad always gives in and I was not about to show her she would dictate what I do on my wedding night which is the most important day of my life. Of course , dad gets angry with me ... I explode .. she gets dragged off in tears and we don’t speak till the next day . Dad tell me “if I we’re here I would hate you .”... nice huh? We meet her and the family and the beach and she runs straight up to me and hugs me . Sister who was sitting told me she was laughing as soon as she got in their car the night before - so it wa all a battle of who’s is charge and i’m hip to that - cause it’s BLATANTLY clear - even at 8 years old. But dad thinks i’m crazy . That was YEARS ago folks. she’s going on 14! Still the same behavior . Now that she’s moved in , she cries for him to sleep with her . if he happens to fall asleep in our bed , she texts him from her room 100 time in a row ... dad..dad...dad...dad... daddy ... bed is down here ... daddy!!!! until he wakes up and goes downstairs. .if that doesn’t work , she come up here at around 2 am after all her texting buddies have gone to bed crying that she’s scared . Two days ago it was because there was a fly in her room and she was too scared of it . When he said “ i’ll be down” and started dozing , she started making banging sounds on the wall and floor in OUR room?! in the pitch black . He re-awoke and yelled “what are you doing ?!?l” and she said .. “ trying to kill it!” hmmm the FLY that was in her room followed her all the way up to our room and she sees it in the dark ... Or .. daddy is falling asleep and i’m going to cause a loud commotion to wake him up . HELLOOOO DAD .. plain as day! These are the daily things that are overlooked . She makes her own schedule staying up all hours of the night and sleeping till 2-3 pm. Wakes up , get on her phone and invites all her friends over before even asking us . If no one can come , she says she’s SOOOO bored here and blames me for never doing anything to entertain her . She has no slef motivation to do anything except text boys and screw with their feelings - telling her she loves them within hours ... saying she wants to marry them .. asking if she’s pretry , etc .. then dumping them soon after . She even “pranks” boys texting them she likes them ( some being boys that would killl to have ang attention from a girl “ .. then leads them on for a day or two to be them to say good stuff about her and then says “ I was pranking you “.   She told the best friend of her last boyfriend that and he got very embarrassed and angry .. started cussing them out in a group chat . so she told her Boyfriend .... ummm he’s a bad influence so I need you to choose him or me ! He , of course chose her .. I really felt so bad for the kid - he just got duped and now lost his best friend ... totally mean girl situation . When i told dad what she did, he said “ha.. i bet he chose her!” and he thought it was good cause we didn’t think the kid was the greatest ...  but to me , he has FEELINGS like any human being . Dad did scold her for this behavior later on thankfully but I just don’t think she gets it . she is only concerned with herskrf and disregards anyone else’s feelings . Tonight I was picking her up on my way home from a 13 hour day and she texted me she wanted to stay one more hour . Which would mean I would have had to go home and turn right back around - so I explained to her why I wasn’t going to do that and said “negative sorry” when she said ...pllleeeaaasssseee ... So she then goes in to text her dad how I am being MEAN to her and how she doesn’t want to go home because I never pay ang attention to her and she feels invisible . What?!? I work all day and you don’t get your way so you badmouth me to your dad to justify your case !?!  Then tonight we are laying in bed and he says “I have to go sleep with my girl”. I was like ... “are you serious ?”  he said “yea it’s the weekend and she gets me on weekends”. (she created that rule .. but it’s more like everyday anyway. We had argued a few days ago and I sent him a long email about how it makes me feel and how I think it’s bad for her and causing her to need attention from men ... so I thought FOR SURE he would stay in our bed . NOPE. he got the text asking when he was coming down then off he went ... and I just want to cry ... or break something .. anything. I want my feelings dj matter . He has had blinders on for years and he’s really like a pit bull like I am attacking her . Meanwhile I feel like i’ve pointed out things time and time again he never listens to until he finally gets bit in the ass and has a major melt down.. meanwhile i’m like “ummmm yea . i’ve been saying that would happen for years .  Now i guess something happened and they are arguing cause he just texted me from downstairs that “ for your information .. i’ll be sleeping in the guest room. “ WHF is happening ?! I need help. I love him and he’s so caring and nurturing and he is a warmer person that me ( very lovey dovey when I am not) but I don’t know if I can take four or more years of this. I don’t get to parent .. my feelings don’t matter when it comes to her ... when I try to disengage , I get told how I don’t even try and ihiw he wishes I would mother her . I own a business and I do work a lot . He works nights so it’s just her and I all night when she’s finally UP and wants to be entertained . When he’s home he’s never doing a anything with her - he’s always out tinkering with his car . So i’m the bad guy?! sorry for the long story guys... i’ve been needing to talk for years and I feel like talking to my mom anymore is just making her dislike him, friends too. How can he not see this obvious bad behavior that’s going to slap her in the face as an adult ? It’s so clear to me but I get told “ you don’t know cause you don’t have a kid” .. and if I use others we know that agrees with me or say something like “everyone thinks so” , he explodes and says “I don’t know why you say shit like that cause it makes me want to do even the more opposite . f*** everyone else”. he tells me it always slaps me in the face when i try to bring up other people . But the crazy thing is they ALL KNOW and talk about it on their own but when he confronts them, they say the exact opposite as to not lisa him off . Making me look like a huge , sensitive liar . The aunts talk to me about her because of how she acts when she’s with them ... then tell him she’s an angel. I DONT GET IT !!! Please help with some good advice ....