It's good to vent. I have always found it helps to have somewhere to let those feelings out. People don't want to hear it even if they agree with you.

Maybe you hate his behaviour more than the child himself? that's how I feel with SS. I just wish he would stop it. I am hanging in there as I am so close to the end of it now that he is 18 and in the last year of his schooling/further education). Over the years I have gradually found ways to deal with the annoyance and anger that I feel, it still bubbles up though. Took DH and I ages to train the brats into not coming into our bedroom, knocking or just leaving us the hell alone. Same with SS hanging around us expecting to be entertained by us, he still does it but it's a lot less.

I think I was lucky because my DH was in agreement with me, he knew right from day one that things needed to change, he just didn't know how to do it. BM had always worked against him and made him the bad guy. We had to work really hard to make inroads into SS's behaviour, he was younger when i married DH, 8 and SD was already 13 and it was too late. Mini wife supported by hateful BM., the rest is history.

I think it would really help you if you can work out a system or plan that brings you into less direct contact with him and finding things that give you some rest and calm. I used to put earphones in and have music on so that I couldn't hear their incessant blah, blah and SD's whining. Get a lock for that bedroom, make it very clear that he cannot bang on your door. Find his currency - what does he really like to do? For example if it's computer games or phone, take free access away and only give it as a reward for the behaviour you want.

I know you just don't want him around at all, i understand that as it became the same for me with SD, but trying to make the current situation better is a start. BM will never be what you want her to be sadly.

How old is this kid?

You kept ranting and ranting about BM . What she should do. How she should parent. How she should be caring for this child. 

But its your DH who has majority custody. BM is the non-custodial parent. You can hate the BM all you please. Write rant after rant about how this or that isn't your job blah blah.... this kid is your Dh's responsibility. The kid lives with his father. 

You never did respond to the question in your last ranting blog about whether you jut up and left the kid home alone while you took the baby and went off to visit your mother. Whether or not your DH even knew you weren't babysitting before you actually weren't and whether he knew you were dumping the kid on his own prior to doing so. 

You don't have a skid problem. Nope you have a husband who has majority custody of his so, who doesn't want to care to nor parent his son. He wants to dump the caretaking and parenting off on you. *We* 'get' it, it's not your 'job'. It is however, your husband's job. All these rants about BM is worthless energy. As long as the child lives in his father's home and the father is majority custody ... it doesn't matter a twit what BM is or isn't doing during those days and times. This kid isn't going to poof. And unless your DH is going to give up custody of his son and send the son and custody to the BM (legally, through the courts), what is going on and all your anger over it is misplaced. 

And you can bet your buns the kid knows you hate him. I doubt he enjoys living with your hostile resentment of him anymore than you want to be rid of him. Sure you clings to and demand his father's bits of attention his father manages to toss the kid's way. The kid is begging for a parent's attention. He's ten. He needs a parent. He doesn't need you, he needs his father who has the responsibility of parenting and has custody of the child. 

The kid can't change his looks. The kid can't change the fact his father has custody. The kid can't help the fact his father wants to dump caretaking and babysitting off on you. Your husband made it very clear to you, he married you to take care of his oldest child. If it wasn't clear prior to the marriage, it has been made abundantly clear to you now. 

This is your life. You either get your husband to parent his kid, for him to make babysitting arrangements other than you or you decide you've had enough and you leave. Hating on and ranting about the kid being around or his worthless BM isn't going to change or fix anything. Is all this fighting and hostile hatred going on in your home really the environment you want to bring up your baby in. 

You hate the kid that much, yet remain with the man that can't/won't parent him. 

  The kid is the product of his father's piss poor parenting.

Mom loves her free time more than being a parent, but what about dad?  Neither one is doing the right thing.

Those kids that are well behaved and a joy to have around, have parents that actually parent.

I just don't understand hating a child this much while at the same time wanting quality time with the man that molded the little monsters.  I wouldn't want to have anything to do with the kid, his mother or his father.

Decofru,

You are valid in your feelings. You have the right to hate a child who makes your life a living nightmare.

I hate my SD too. DD hates SD. Even her gm says she's a difficult child. SD is a liar, vindictive, violent, manipulative, does not respect authority, especially her father. DH can't control SD. He has tried. She makes our household a living nightmares because she talks back then talks in a baby voice when she knows she's been caught, then manipulates so that her victims have to soothe her etc. She's a buddying borderline personality, ODD, narccistic, sociopath. So yes, I hate her. You are validated decofru. 

Those who wanna judge me go ahead i couldnt care less, I'm already in hell what could be worse?

Not really a judgment... but an opinion here.  I think you need to leave this situation... who wants to live in hell for 7 years..or more (kids don't disappear from our lives at 18)  Your DH is the custodial parent.  You have such overpowering hatred for a person living in your home.  A 11 yo by the way who for what it's worth is a child who probably doesn't have the mental capacity and emotional maturity to even know how to deal with what he is going through.. and he has to be getting the vibe from you that you dislike him so much.. and his dad does too.  I just see it as prolonging the agony as I just don't see any way your relationship is going to survive this level of anger and hatred that you have going on in your soul.

I am not saying that as a judgment like you are a bad person.. you may well be very justified in your feelings and the situation could very well be horrible.. but that is even more reason to get yourself out of it. 

The bottom line is that everyone needs to vent a little every once in a while but if you have a need to vent and pop off your anger so frequently.. venting is not going to fix anything for you.  Venting is helpful when someone does something that bugs us every now and again.. or it's a minor thing that just grates on us.  Your feelings go much deeper and it's like you are nursing this anger... not releasing it... and I am afraid that is the difference that will mean the end of your relationship with your DH.

The sad thing about all of this is that your DH has the power to change some of these things so that you are not as miserable, by parenting his child and not expecting you to do the work, but he's not. I would definitely be putting my foot down with DH and letting him know how much this is damaging your marriage and happiness.

When my SO parents the skids more, or when I put my foot down with them to correct the behaviors that drive me insane, I am much happier. When they do what they want, I resent them and am unhappy. Parenting is key!

"Everyday i dread going home because he is there, the worst thing is his dad thinks his son is an innocent sweet disciplined lil boy, he makes excuses for his behaviour always and the child only shows his devil horns when the dad isnt around". 

Are you me? My skid is a spoiled, entitled, manipulative little shit, too. I feel like an interloper in my own house, and while I hate my job, I'd rather be at work than at home. 

Sounds like we're in the same boat. At least we seem to be in good company. 

I have THREE SS. The 3 and 6 year old aren't so bad but the 10 year old! KILL ME!!! I can relate with you on everything you said...ESPECIALLY the part where you said you can't stand to look at him cause he looks like BM and you hate BM! lol. Sucks, doesn't it!!! Being a SM definitely has it's downfalls and this is just 1 of them! Sorry to hear about how much you can't stand the kid but know you aren't alone! AT ALL!