I’ve been with my partner for 2 years and he has a 4 year old daughter ( I will call her E ) with his ex. They split when E was still a baby, my partner has her 2 times a week and has extra time if her mom has to work.

Now I am my partner’s only girlfriend since his ex. I was introduced to E very gradually over the space of 6 months. Her Dad and I now live together with his parents (we are saving for a place of our own), so I see E whenever she comes over and we have built a lovely relationship together. Her Dad and I make a great team with her, but I am also well aware of my boundaries involving her parenting.

My partner has had problems with his ex right from when they split up. They do not like each other at all but they behave appropriately for their daughter. I won’t get into some of the awful things she has said or done to my partner as they aren’t really relevant to this post. 

During the week, E is usually cared for in the afternoon by my partner’s parents until my partner comes home from work - I’m not working at the minute so I’m home also. Granny and Grandad both went on vacation a few weeks ago, and when my partner informed E’s mother that they would be away for a week, she said that she was not bringing E over in the week, because she refuses to leave her with me (it would have been for 3 hours until my partner came home) and that she is not okay with her daughter ever being left alone with me. When he asked her why she wouldn’t give a reason, she just said no. She called in sick to work (even though she is constantly saying she has no money) just because she wouldn’t leave her daughter with me for 3 hours. I have never met this woman properly, we exchanged a hello last Christmas but that is the only time I’ve ever seen her in person. I would completely understand if I had only just come into E’s life but I’ve been around for 2 years. 

Just to add - my partner went to pick E up for the weekend a couple of weeks ago, and E was alone with her mom’s housemate of 3 months who my partner has never met - apparantly she got called into work early. E also used to refer to her mom’s ex partner as her Dad, and when we pointed out that my partner is her Dad, she said “mommy told me that I have 2 Daddys”. My partner was devastated and brought it up with her Mom, she said E was lying and she had never told her that. I find it hard to believe a 3 year old (at the time) would have made that up entirely from their own head. These things are apparantly okay, but leaving E alone with me for 3 hours is not.

Is this normal behaviour from a mother? Am I doing something wrong regarding E? Is she being reasonable? I do really worry about what her mother is going to say to her about me/my partner/his family as she grows up. Any advice or similar experiences would be helpful guys, thankyou