Help!
I have been with my husband for 8 years and married for 4months. He has never been a "children person" as his family and friends put it but has always seemed to make an effort around 4 of my grandchildren. He has no children of his own.
My one grandson is 4 years old and a bit of a tearaway but nothing out of the ordinary for a child his age. But my husband just cannot stand him. If he sees him with something in his hand he snatches it away from him. He won't communicate with him at all. Half the time he won't even look at him. My daughter has had to come and stay with me temporarily due to problems that she is having with her neighbour (a heroin addict that has lost her children and is jealous that my daughter still has hers). Now my husband hasn't spoken to me for 2 days and won't be in any room with me, my daughter or my grandson. He is just totally avoiding me.
My daughter is awaiting a move through the local council but has been told she has to stay away from her own house. What am I to do? See them out on the streets because he doesn't like my grandson?
Any advice would be gratefully appreciated.
Your husband sounds like me
Your husband sounds like me lol
Did you discuss your daughter
Did you discuss your daughter and family moving in with your husband prior to it happening?
Your husband doesn’t have to
Your husband doesn’t have to be engaging with your child and grandchild. They have invaded his home. He’s not required to like them. The only expectation is that he should not harm them which it sounds like he isn’t. So he’s fine. He’s disengaged. Don’t expect him to spend money on them either.
Just leave him be- has he met
Just leave him be- has he met your daughter and grandson before?
Can you maybe help your daughter find a better place to live?
It was discussed with him
It was discussed with him prior to them coming yes. I asked his permission. Social services would have taken the children if they did not come here. He has met them before. And he would never spend money on any of my grandchildren. Half the time he doesn't even acknowledge them when they come to visit. We are currently looking for accommodation for my daughter through the local council.
Good that it was discussed
Good that it was discussed ahead of time. You say that he has no children and is not a child person so I'm guessing that he now feels overwhelmed by the situation and that is causing frustration and anger. Since this is to be a temporary situation perhaps there are a few things that can be done to alleviate your DH's discomfort. Are there rooms that are off limits to the kids so that DH has some privacy? Have house rules been agreed upon and are they being followed. Does your daughter appreciate the magnitude of this sacrifice by you and your DH? I wish you the best and hope that other accommodations are found quickly.
This story doesn't add up.
This story doesn't add up. Why would she be forced to move or have her children taking by social services because of a NEIGHBOR?! Why not simply put the neighbor in jail if she is threatening your daughter or her kids?
Anyhow, your husband doesn't like kids. Many people don't. If he didn't like shrimp and you told him he had to eat if for weeks on end or else the state would take away your grandkids, he would be grumpy about that, too. But would you expect him to magically start liking shrimp?
Maybe your husband gets the same feeling as I do: your story is fishy.
Are you in the UK? I can
Are you in the UK? I can sense that through your words and your situation- awaiting council re-housing can take a lot of time depending on where you are.
Your DH gave permission for them to come but as others have said, he did the right thing for you but not for himself and I hope the situation is resolved soon.
I think you are all in a difficult place- I would go along to your local agencies and just get as much support as you can, which includes finding some day care or pre-school for your grandson in the daytime so you can have some peace. I have two 'tear-away' grandsons myself so know how exhausting it can be.Also- maybe book a short break away from the family so you and DH can have some time together and he feels that you recognise what he's done for your daughter (and for you).
Don't be frightened of going back to social services either, if they see you are trying to resolve the situation they sgould help and separating this young family will be the very last resort for them.
But most of all take some time for yourself too- it must be overwhelming having to deal with all this and I do hope it will all work out quickly and you and DH can get on with your lives.
Your daughter needs to keep
Your daughter needs to keep her active kids busy. Get up and get them out of the house first thing, take them hiking, to the zoo, parks, then bring them home in the evening thoroughly worn out.
Some really great tips have
Some really great tips have been provided!!
You can’t make him magically like kids and he feels his space is being encroached on.... and he sounds like my dad (a grumpy sort, Lol). But I wouldn’t take offence to it. Have a chat with him about how much you appreciate it and make sure he feels valued as well.
Would he go out for a date night with you? Can you talk to your daughter about boundaries and ways she can keep herself and child a bit more occupied and away from him? Does DH have any hobbies that can get him out of the house too?
Im sure it is a very difficult situation for everyone.... she prob doesn’t want to be there either.
Just keep the line of communication as open as possible with DH.