Deleting his babymamas texts ....
My husband and I have been attending marriage counseling for about 2 months now and things were going ok. Not great but better. Last night I went through his phone for the first time in a long time since I was trying to let him show me I can trust him after everything (read previous blogs) but I was disappointed again. I saw he was deleting texts between him and his ex. When I approached him he denied it at first but then admitted he was afraid I would get upset so he deleted them. If it was innocent and about the kids then why not just tell me or leave them there? I wasn’t even angry. I’m just hurt. I packed my things again and I left. I’m so hurt after everything and then again this happens. I don’t know what was really said and I guess I never will. I tried ... How do I move on once and for all?
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Counseling
For yourself. Also is there a women’s shelter that can provide you with moral support?
Those who hide nothing
Have nothing to hide. I feel like you did the right thing. It will go on as long as you let it. Value yourself more.
Keep reminding yourself that
Keep reminding yourself that people don't usually change. They will promise that they will and they might change their behavior for a short time but...
The way that this man treated you, while pregnant no less, well, just remember that. He has shown you who he is.
Complete transparency is very important when trying to re-build trust in a relationship. If the texts were innocent, there would have been no reason to delete them and then lie to you about it. Of course, he's making it YOUR fault, he did it so YOU wouldn't get upset, as if YOU are the problem, here.
You weren't the one who
You weren't the one who needed to earn trust, it was him. He didn't offer your total transpancy with the texts. You should have been able to read all of his texts any time you wanted and he should have been upfront about each and every one. That would have been the best way for HIM to earn YOUR trust. Who ever told you that you had to be strong one had it twisted up backwards. No matter now, as you know he hasn't changed one bit. Believe who he is now so you can move on from this mess and make him your ex. You know also how he parented his older two kids, you can expect him to be that way with the baby too. Use this knowledge to your advantage and get as much as you can for the baby. When the skids age out, hit him again for more. Dirtbag...
You tried to create a family & DH wasn't available ...
If I remember correctly, you've been separated since just after your little one was born. Didn't DH mention once that he needed to be there for BM/Skids --- as a result, you felt neglected/ignored? Doesn't seem as if much has changed. Your son never got the "step-dad" that you wished for and your baby is apparently not experiencing the "family" that you fantasized about. You gave it a good try. Take care of your two little ones, apply for child support, thank your family and move on.
People don’t change, they
People don’t change, they just get better at hiding who they truly are...seems like he’s gotten better at hiding, time for you to get better at leaving him in the past.