Disrespect
Well my 53 yr old s.d.visited arriving day i left for trip leaving day before i got home.
I was not happy she was visiting her dad when i was not home.
Reasons....i have cared for her during major health issues as a b.m.would..her bio.mom is deceased.
Over the last 20 yrs she has been rude on many occasions.
I planned baby shower for het..her dad rewuest...she told me u had no right to plan it
When baby was born i was left sitting aline while she called family member into anither room...to ask what her kids should call me!
Befire we were married she barged into my home having her 4 dogs run in my home.
On numerous holidays she would take out my desserts before i was ready to serve them...and announce "we have to leave so i am taking dessert now"
Having 17 people at holiday...she told her dad lets go visit so n so n leave! Which he did not do.
On one holiday she barged in in middle of dinner with 4 extra friends n disrupted our dinner..when she said she was not coming.
I was goi g through chemo on Christmas n was invited to my daughters house..(my daughter has know relationship w sd)
Both she n her husband called screaming at me that she had the right to be w her dad at Christmas..i told her to invite us to her home n we would gladly come.
On numerous occasions she has walked into my home looked at different items n szid this is mine and this is mine.
I am not confrontational..abd have let her get away w treating me this way.
Her fathers excuse is i am not going to change her!
If she was not my husbands child i would be er be fruends w her.
Her latest blunder she left 18 yr old daughter n went to diff.stzte fircing her child to move in w her bf.sleeping in room with 4 other people.
I am at point where i wont even answer ph.when she calls.
Any feedback would be welcomed.
Can you ask DH to go on your
Can you ask DH to go on your trip with you? That you don’t trust her in your home without you there? If he says no then can he stay at a hotel with her the duration of her trip? This would piss me off big time too. She’s so rude and disrespectful!
I’ve always wanted to get new
I’ve always wanted to get new floors, have my ducts cleaned out, get my basement finished, and have the interior of my home repainted. Why don’t you schedule all of this for when you are gone and use DHs money to pay for it! Or put it all on a credit card and have DH pay it off!
Your DH is right; he cannot
Your DH is right; he cannot change her. But he should agree that you should not have to put up with his toxic child. Write her off. I have an SD like that and she is a part of her father's life, but not our joint life.
My SD has declared I am not allowed in her home. So if she ever came in my home when I am not there it would not be a good day.
If she is 53, how old are you? Don't let this self-centered baby ruin your final years.
It needs to be made clear to
It needs to be made clear to DH that you don’t want anyone staying in your home when you are not there including children. She obviously knew your schedule which had to come from him. He needs to discuss these plans with you so you can have a say in what goes on and who is going to be in your home. You have a right to say no!
I agree
If my SD visited my home while I was away I would be very pizzed. I know from experience, she would be sneaking into places that are none of her business. I have been in my home and caught her husband spitting in my tea and there have been other instances of minor sabotage - there is no way I would trust them in our home if I weren't here. I know if SD visited she would make no effort to clean up after herself, and it would probably be left for me - as it always has been. On top of that, SD and her husband usually travel with their dogs who pooped all over and ruined an expensive large area rug and ate my shoes - no offer from SD or DH to reimburse me for it.
After this, if someone said to me, "Stop revisiting all of the old slights and injuries", I would tell them to walk a mile in my shoes before doling out condescending advice and judgments. Yes, DH DOES have the right to see his daughter but I have the right to know my privacy has not been compromised. He can visit with her somewhere else.
You have to ask what SD would do if you decided to visit HER house when she isn't there, even if her husband were present - and I know what the answer would be: People would look at me like I was nuts and the request was absurd.
DH and I fully discussed this and he has agreed to meet her close by if she visits. If he snuck around behind my back there would be consequences.
Your husband's daughter
Your husband's daughter sounds mentally disordered. How did you find out she had stayed in your home while you were gone? Was your H open with you about the arrangement, or did he do all this behind your back?
You need to accept that this woman hates you, and that is not likely to change. So, stop taking abuse from her. Put your foot down with your husband, who is part of the problem as he colludes with her.
Tell your DH that although you've tried and tried to get along with his daughter, you are through tolerating her juvenile and vicious behavior; and since he won't protect you, you are drawing a line in the sand. If he wants to see her, it needs to be outside of your home. Your DH wants to have his (coward's) cake and eat it too, so stand your ground. Don't be combative, don't screech or get angry, just be matter of fact.
Men, like your, like ours,
Men, like yours, like ours, have a sickness that most of us are unable to fix; it started long before us anyway. You cannot make it work with this daughter-- if you walked on water; so give up hope. The sooner you stop caring, the better, the happier you will be. Write her off, she is clearly not YOUR family and let your husband do what he does with her away from you and your home. You do not have to be with people who treat you disrespectfully, and that includes your husband whenever she is around, it appears. Let them talk about why you are not around anymore...hahaha...disengaging can be empowering.
I have ZERO to do with my
I have ZERO to do with my SS34. I do not even say his name. But when I first told DH to keep them (SS and his GF) away from me, I made it clear that meant they were never to set foot in my home (not even the backyard). And that did not just mean when I was at home. I now have security cameras on all my home's entrances so I would know if my home was invaded. Wish I'd done that years earlier.
Just erase her from your life. TOTALLY. You do not have to justify it by going over all the past slights. She's a POS. Always will be. A sane person removes toxic aholes from their life.
My DH is free to see his son, the GF and the grandchild whenever he wants - just not on my turf. I never bad mouth SS. Boy is it tempting sometimes. DH's sister-in-law has a son a couple of years older than SS who is equally worthless. He recently physically assaulted his own mother, stole her phone, car and credit cards. My DH had a fit over that - ranted and raved how horrible this man is (yeah he is). It was all I could do not to say - just like SS34. But I didn't.(SS has been violent with DH and BM in the past).
Never JADE - justify, argue, defend, or explain why the SD is so horrible that you must exclude her. You will be never convince your DH that she is awful to you. He just cannot accept how she is so he will most likely have 7000 reasons why her actions weren't really that bad.
Adult 54 sd
Once again she is at it..deleted from all her media.ignored 75th b day calls and leaves message hi dad how r u
This same girl left her 17 yr old daughter in n.y. n went w husband to another state.forcing her at 17 to move in w her bf n sleep w 4 people in one room
Latest thing is her uncle
said I am jealous of her Deceased mom....I guess that is why I have a painting hanging in our home that looks just like her poor mom!
I dont want this going on..I want a civil relationship w her.
My husband claims he is done parenting n will not reprimand her for her rudeness.
I feel disrespected....I went though b. .n this sd was angry shouting at me that I had to do christmas.
Both of her young adult kids were forbidden sun e birth to call me g.ma...BUT they do and I am always there for them.
Help what do I do
I have an SD in her 40's and
I have an SD in her 40's and I have absolutey no relationship with her. DH goes to visit her when he feels like it, which is less and less all the time as he ages and grows weary of being punished all the time. You especially want to stay away from your SD since your DH says he is not going to correct his DD's poor behavior.
Your SD is not coming to daddee's house for court ordered visitation. This is an adult on the older side of life (it pains me a little to say that since it is my age as well). Since you are both adults you can pick and choose who to have in your life. If she doesn't treat you with respect, she is not in your life. Very simple.
You owe her nothing as your DH's wife. You did not need her permission to marry her father, and you do not need her acceptance.
I will likely only see my SD at funerals in the future. Make sure you have wills/trusts/medical directives in place, and remove the disrespect from your life.
If he is done parenting, then
If he is done parenting, then DH absolutely needs to reprimand her for any crap... and more. Call him on that bullshit with if he is done with parenting why is this toxic POS kid in his life at all.
You stop trying. You're never
You stop trying. You're never, ever going to have a civil relationship with her. Assume she is broken/mentally ill, and lower your expectations accordingly.
This is not a girl. This is a middle-aged woman who is not going to change. Accept that this is how things will always be. She hates you, so take the steps necessary to remove her from your life.
Oh, and make sure your DH has his affairs in order and arranged in such a way that you won't have to deal with his toxic daughter in the event of death or a long term illness.
Delete stepdaughter
Should I delete her from my cell phone?
Block. Her.
Block. Her.
Delete her from your household and your mind.