They rely on their kids for their emotional needs most likely.

Both would cosleep with their youngest when separated. Yes, the child became like a "blankie" for the mother. When I came into the picture, cosleeping with Dad stopped, but continued with ToxicTroll. Munchkin SD12 was about 8 at the time, and I thought it was weird, but I am childless, so what do I know?

Little kids are teenagers?

True story I heard about the teenager

What is appropriate to you? 

In some cultures, bed-sharing, and even having a family bed, is the norm until at least 4-5 years old. 

I don't think it's necessarily wrong, but as a single parent, you need to stop when you get into a new relationship. No stepparent should be forced or guilted into sleeping with an unrelated child. That's just how it goes when you divorce. You lose a lot of "normal in-tact family" traditions/habits. 

For what it's worth, I do co-sleep with my 11 month old and don't see an end in sight. Maybe I'll push him into his own bed when he's 2 or so. I don't and never have co-slept with SD6.

I co-sleep with my niece and nephews when I have them over. It's something we all enjoy. When kids are little...a spend-the-night feels like a real treat. I'll never forget my 2-year-old nephew repeating "We're all sleeping TOGEDDER!!!" with total delight the first time I had him and his sister and brother over. Kids love the novelty of it and the community. 

When we go on family trips, I'll usually snag a little one to sleep with me if my DH isn't along Like...over labor day weekend my mom, sister and I went to see my grandma and took my other sister's kids along to give her a free long weekend with her husband. My DH couldn't go because of work commitments...so I had my nephew in with me (he's 4). Of course, I was the oldest of 6 and usually had a much younger sister co-sleep with me, so it's what I'm used to. I generally like having a sleeping baby or toddler with me. They look so cute and cuddly. 

Say all this to say...I see nothing at all wrong with co-sleeping up to a certain age. My niece has just turned 9 and still likes to co-sleep with her aunts or grandma when she's over or we're on trips...or at least sleep in the same room. My oldest nephew is now 12 going on 13 and he would probably rather die. He likes his own space now. We never discussed it...he just started sleeping in the basement room when the kids spent the night instead of on the communal couch that turned into a King bed. I think up to 4 or 5, it's totally natural...and after that OK on trips or other special occasions. 

That said. I wouldn't establish it as a habit if I were the parent...because it's my job to teach the kids independence. Nor would I forbid it outright or insist kids sleep entirely on their own with no help from me. I'd at least rock them and tuck them in.

Co sleeping is something that gets the attention of CPS is my state. I think a nightmare or illness are different, but as a general every day thing it's inappropriate and dangerous with infants. Those who don't think so should work in Emergency for a month. 

My SO allowed his kids to sleep in his bed before I came into the picture.  I'm not positive, but I think BM allows this as well, to this day.  This was not sleeping with them when they couldn't fall asleep or when there was a thunderstorm - we're talking total habit, every night.  Getting them out of his bed was a production at the beginning of our relationship and took a lot of effort.  It was effort he wasn't willing to put in before I came along and insisted.  At first his two daughters slept together (I guess they liked having someone nearby, even if it wasn't mom or dad), but now they sleep alone in their own rooms and it's no longer an issue.  They may still climb in with us early in the morning, but they haven't co-slept with SO in a long time.  
 

It's not something I would do (well, I also wouldn't have my own children, so there's that), but I can see if it's in special circumstances- nightmare, storm, etc...on occasion. UNTIL a certain age- 5 or 6 maybe. Anything over that I feel is uneccessary and just breeds codependency, and I'm all about teaching kids independence.

BM cosleeps with SD9, with no end in sight, and it drives me insane. SD is already clingy, and I know that doesn't help. For the longest time she couldn't go to bed on her own, made my SO come upstairs to say goodnight (even after they had already hugged, kissed, said goodnight and I love you's...he still would have to then go upstairs and do it all over again)...he still does this sometimes, but not as much. I know this is common for parents, but she would just sit downstairs and refuse to go to her room if my SO ever said "go upstairs, I'll be up in a minute". She didn't believe he would only take a minute so she would just sit there and stare at him and nag him to put her to bed. Drove me insane! Now, after a few days at our house and no cosleeping, she doesn't need him to do that.

The whole thing just seems uneccessary, but what do I know?

Post divorce, DH consistently co-slept with skid every single night he had her. I never stayed those nights. 

Once DH and I moved into together, in a new apartment, BM lost her marbles over the phone regarding the fact that her little snookums was no longer allowed or welcome in OUR bed. BM enabled skid, then 6 years old, to lose her marbles, too. It was so dramatic and ridiculous and all I could do was laugh. 

BM continued to co-sleep with skid. Inconsistently, of course - because overnight booty calls at her place, y’all. Skid spilled the beans on that one. 

I think it was to fill a void on both DH and BM’s part. It was bizarre.

I co-slept with all my children, but it was out of necessity and the fact I was cluster breastfeeding most of the time. 

like, what is "appropriate age"? And why would it be an issue if it's not habitual and only for special occasion comfort?

There’s many different schools of thought on this when it comes to cultural norms and what those in “intact” families do. However; it’s hard to always carry over traditions and whatnot from intact families to blended families… and this is one area where I think you just have to accept (as a parent) that once you’re in a blended family, bed sharing needs to stop.

There’s a few reasons:
(1) it just becomes inappropriate at a certain age to have the “marital bed” (or intimate space) shared with someone other than your spouse or SO.
(2) For many step parents, that’s their ONE TIME during the day to truly have their home and their partner to themselves, and vice versa. As the parent, you’re spending all hours of the day either working or dealing with kids up until it is bedtime. Having those few moments of solitude with your spouse is crucial. For the step parent, if they DON’T have kids—they’ve spent all day working or being around YOUR kids. If they have children, then they’ve been going through the same rat race as you with juggling job, kids and stepkids. You owe it to each other to kick ALL kids out and focus on your partner.
(3) It creates bad habits for the kids. Kids being able to come in/out of the bed as they please elevates them to a level that can be dangerous in blended families. They should absolutely be respected as individuals and their needs met, but that does not mean that they essentially rule the roost and are allowed into every single private space that exists between two adults. They can have bad dreams, come in and disrupt throughout the night and get put right back to bed in their own room. Eventually they’ll see that their disruptions are not trumping the needs of the adults—and that they are able to establish some independence separate from mom or dad.

I don't think it's healthy after 5-6 years old. Her mom thought it was weird that she wasn't allowed to sleep with us when over our house. My SD still sleeps with mom at 16 and they treat each other like friends/room mates rather than parent daughter. I would never be ok with my daughter sleeping with herh dad and another woman if we ever split.

Why do you ask? Are you having specific issues with co sleeping that you need help with?

i personally didn’t co sleep but in many cultures it’s a regular occurrence. No one sweats over it. Why does it matter if people are single or not?

My SS10 almost 11, sleeps with BM every night. She’s trash and didn’t wash her sheets after a Tinder hookup and he caught scabies. I get triggered about this. 

Everyone has their own preferences and views on what is right or wrong on this. I am not against co-sleeping. I'm in favour of it. That being said - when I started to feel ready to date - before I met my partner - I made sure co-sleeping was being weaned off - so my son wouldn't feel that he was being kicked out for someone else. When I started dating my partner but before he started staying over while my son was there co-sleeping ended. 

Mostly...

My BS is 11 and he still occasionally wants to sleep with me when my partner is away. I don't allow it all the time, but my partner was gone for 3 nights and I let my son sleep with me for 1 of those. I reckon that this will naturally stop completely over the next year. 

Occasionally we let YSS sleep with us. (But he's a kicker, so I don't like it!)  He would sleep with us every night if we let him - with a story of nightmares. But we don't let him. 

I don't have a problem with kids in our bed if the DOOR IS OPEN  if the door is closed then you better knock before you come in. 

My DH's ex still lets my SS11 sleep with her if her boyfriend doesn't come over (he lives across the state). And EW is a nasty bitch who was having Tinder hookups about a year ago and my SS11 caught scabies from her nasty ass bed. 

Cosleeping?  I am not a fan.

In some cultures it is the norm.  Usually where space is extremely limited.

In ours (Western), it is far from the norm and with the accusation prone society we are in, not a smart idea.

IMHO of course.

My youngest step daughter slept with her mom 95% of the time or on the couch the other 5% until she was 10, when her mom and I moved in together. We had been together for 4 years at that time and I never knew, it became a big issue that someone was in her bed and she had a melt down. Separation anxiety and panic attacks for a full school year, must have missed 30 days of school from melt downs. Teaching a 10-11 year old how to sleep alone is pretty rough, it led to an immense amount of resentment and fear that everything was going to be taken from her. It took a therapist and a year to get over, kind of. 

One thing I’ve noticed since then, that was 3 years ago, is that she used to be incredibly possessive of her mom physically, and it was pretty inappropriate at times. That has gone away since co-sleeping ended.

Sleeping in parent's bed when there's a storm or if they've had a bad dream is pretty normal. Not saying it's ok, everyone has their feelings on it. If it's only on occasion, it sounds like they're capable of staying in their own bed when it comes down to it. I would just make sure you voice how it makes you feel and what you would like to see happen, and discuss how you can navigate it together as a team.

My SO and I had a big issue with this when we first got together. His son was 3 and was used to co-sleeping every single night. He's 4 now and after months of me pushing, he sleeps in his own bed. However he will cry and won't fall asleep unless someone is there laying with him. Once he's asleep, my SO leaves the room and finally comes to hang out with me. Sometimes this takes up to two hours, the shortest it takes is 20 minutes. AND, his son usually wakes up in the middle of the night, cries, dad has to come in and lay with him until he falls asleep AGAIN, and sometimes falls asleep himself and doesn't come back to bed so he ends up going back to co-sleeping. It causes such an annoying wedge because the only thing that stops him from that final step of his son sleeping alone is guilt.

The BM still co-sleeps every night, and she's the reason it started from the get-go. (She's latin and although I get it's cultural, I still don't think it's right.) BM now has a boyfriend apparently, so I'm wondering how she's handling that. Gross.