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Stepdaughter getting away with bad behavior

isabel_t's picture

Submitted by isabel_t on Sun, 10/21/2018 - 11:16pm

Hi all,

 

Just wanted to vent my frustration regarding my partner's youngest daughter.  She is 15 and spends most of her time with her mother.  On occasions when she is out in the mall or weekends she calls her dad and says she wants to sleep over.  Previously, I have confronted her since clothing, shoes and make-up have gone missing fron both my closet and my daughter's.  She was caught-handed and I told her mother that I would speak to her about it.  When I went to their place, she ran away and when I confronted her, she said she didn't take anything and that she is that way becaise of her "anxiety."  Her mother asks her " Sweetie did you know you were taking stuff?"

 

I felt like I was in another planet.  My partner supports me but when we argue he throws it at my face.  To this day, her mother has not shown any remorse or embarrasment for the thievery and neither has the daughter.  She has sinced dropped out from 2 elementary schools and is on a special program-- my partner says he was unaware of this happening.  

 

I am just so frustrated--she gets away eith this, without any reprimand.  She skips school saying she has anxiety _ she has been medicated since 14 yrs with prozac--and what does she get?  An iphone 8!

 

Thanks for listening.

Comments

Forevertired's picture

Submitted by Forevertired on Mon, 10/22/2018 - 3:17am

I’d put locks on your bedroom door as well as your daughters. I’d also have her dad search her bag everyone she leaves after a sleepover. Explain to her that because of the past you have to check her bags as things have gone missing. 

Kes's picture

Submitted by Kes on Mon, 10/22/2018 - 3:55am

Welcome to the site!   From your profile, I see you were a pediatrician, so maybe you have some experience of reinforcement schedules etc.  IMHO, your partner and your SD's mother are reinforcing your SD's erroneous idea that she is too fragile to have rules and boundaries imposed on her.  Even if she does have anxiety or another mental health condition, this is not going to be helping her at all.  

She needs to know where she stands - she is a person like the rest of you and needs to observe good interpersonal skills with the people she lives with.  Until your partner is prepared to enforce that, I would certainly take steps to keep my possessions safe.  I would put locks on my room and that of my daughter.  

tog redux's picture

Submitted by tog redux on Mon, 10/22/2018 - 7:02am

BM isn’t the issue, her father’s lack of parenting in your home is the issue. I’m guessing he’s afraid if he sets limits on her she won’t come over at all. So he’d rather raise a dysfunctional person than face his fears. Thank god she rarely comes over, but both parents give her way too much power  

“Did you know you were taking things?” LOL!