Its worse for her...

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Not sure if I'm posting in the right spot....

Today i had one of my coworkers come in my office and he noticed the pictures I had on my desk, my cats, dog, my FSD and then a nice photo of all three of us. Which I love, its super cute.

He proceeds to strike up a conversation about ''my situation"...and how its weird the BM and I get along and chat occasionally (ONLY ABOUT FSD). One text came up that she sent me a message that FSD is really excited to see me and daddy today. I thought that was special, and really considered how difficult it must be for her to hear my name because its hard ( getting easier) to hear FSD talk about BM.

He responds no offense but its much harder on her then it is you....LOL i just laughed are people really that ignornant about our feelings being in this position? Like BM is the grace of god and should be placed on a pedastool. This is even after I spoke openly about her lack of boundaries and SO's familys lack of boundaries...I shouldnt of overshared but I felt like I needed to stick up for myself, this is freaking hard for me too! For christ sakes.

Now mind you this man is married and has two kids...so I get it he has his blinders up and you doesnt necessarily understand how tihs works...but wow. Just wow. LOL Hell I'm struggling with figuring out how it works and Im the one in the damn situaiton.

As a BM as well as a SM I can

As a BM as well as a SM I can say that if you aren't crazy, being a BM is easier! I work really well with my kids dad and his wife. I can call my ex if I ever have any concerns with the kids. Talk to him after a doctors appointment or teacher conference (he isn't local)- no big deal. SM and I have a semi-friendship. We send pictures of the kids back and forth. If we run across a good sale or see something funny we will let eachother know. It works, it isn't hard. All that matters to me is that SM is a good person and wants the best for my kids. She is someone else to love them.

The issues come in when you deal with crazy people!

Yes that is exactly how her

Yes that is exactly how her and I are. I love it and I tell her how much I appreciate it and she does the same for me. Being on the same page with her will definitley be helpful when SO and I have our own children. I just want everything to flow! But lord people and their oppinions LOL

You wanna know who has it

You wanna know who has it hardest?

WOMEN !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Do you think the dumb guy in this mix is taking this judgment from coworkers? Do you think anyone is comparing him to the new model??? Or suggesting his suffering is lesser than another man's???

Sheesh. Men have it so freaking easy...as evidenced by your too-much-opining coworker, who has NO IDEA who has it easier but is more than happy to tell you he knows it all! He also lacks freaking tact and boundaries, but hey, that's OK, because he has a penis.

Hating men these days for their higher pay, all their advantages, their lofty seats above all we "cat-fighting" women.

Tell your coworker you and BM have a great damn relationship (in spite of your husband) and there is no need for him to judge which female is suffering more! You are grown ass women! YOU CAN HANDLE IT!!!!

Preach!!! Thank you!!!

"Lots of offense taken. This

"Lots of offense taken. This isn't an easy situation on anyone, and having someone not in a blended family situation trying to pit BM and I against each other certainly doesn't make it better. Why make a comment to me that it is harder on her after telling you that we get along well enough to communicate? Of course it is hard on her, and my BF, and me. How rude of you."

Yes, he back pedaled big time

Yes, he back pedaled big time- YOU DONT KNOW THE SITUATION. YOU DONT KNOW WHAT I AM DEALING WITH. Keeping the peace with BM is the best for both worlds, does not mean she has not been wrong! LOL i mean she is still happily living in his parents house! In SO's old room no less.

In my case, it was much, much

In my case, it was much, much, much harder on BM. I never felt jealous of her at all. Why would I be jealous of her when DH is with me?

I've also heard people I know who are non-crazy BM's say they have trouble with their kids being around another woman, especially if their husband left them. I think a lot of women (reasonably) struggle with not having their kids with them all the time after a divorce. Some men do, too, but it's more often women.

So I don't think it's "always" harder on the stepmother.

I agree to an extent with you

Tog Redux--- I've never felt jealousy with BM...because I know the background story with their relatioship. It was a totaly rush to get married get pregnant and when he didnt turn out to be the man she thought he would be she handed him divorce papers. I know hes not perfect but creating life is a big deal and in this situation it was very one sided, Yes he could have kept his pants on lol but he did love her. And I dont fault him for that. I wish we had "firsts together" that would eliminate some of the weird arguments we have but other then that no. Jealousy free over here.

I agree to an extent with you. In my particular situation- I have all odds batting against me. His family has allowed his ex to live with them, fully support her emotionally and financially and they have not given the same respect to their son. Its been a blame game and we dont want to lose our grandchild... but if they built a better relationship with their son this would be an entirely different situation. FMIL has already told me my place- BM will always be her daughter...so I would like to think I am dealing with this with grace and in this particular situation it is hard on me. Very hard.

Breeders have long maintained

Breeders have long maintained that people who do not breed cannot possibly understand the intensity of the love one feels for a BK. Since I have no BKs I can neither contest nor support that premise.

Similarly parents in intact initial marriages with 100% joint children have no clue what a SParent experiences. Even when the SParent is the only parent of quality that a kid may have. Sparents who love and value their SKids do feel some of what a bio parent feels. Not all of it of course but certainly parts of it.

A non SParent BioParent has no idea what a SParent goes through. "Your not my xxxxxx", "My dad/mom is the best at yyyyyy", "I don't have to listen to you", "GrandMa says you are not my REAL dad and I can't call you dad", "Your mom and StepDad are rich you don't need the CS we pay!!!!!", etc.........................

I am fortunate to have won the parent lottery. My parents are great people who have been married for 56+ years. I have never had to experience what a SKid experiences. I wish no kid had to.

However, in some cases the love that a SParent has for a SKid is strong and in many ways is very similar to the love that an adoptive parent has for an adopted kid. In my case I have experienced both the love for a SKid and for an adopted child. For me that is the same kid but... I have had that experience.

Take the unsolicited opinions as what they are... irrelevant in most cases.

Take care of you.

Thanks Rags. I'm trying too.

Thanks Rags. I'm trying too. I love that little girl and i tell her that as much as possible and she says it back and on her own. Its really cute when she says "I love my daddy and I love my GSF300"...melts my heart. I am so lucky she is a sweet little girl and I hope it stays that way forever! I know the teen years are a different story but I can only hope!