This is why you need a CO, folks!

We are going on month 8 of verbal week on/ week off custody with BM. Things had been pretty good and when BM wanted SD on DH's time, he obliged, naturally.

We are having our baby shower on the 24th so that our out of town family can attend. We've planned it for over a month and it is our "week on" with SD. Until this morning.

BM texted DH to inform him they're going on vacation to "see the snow and Santa" Thanksgiving weekend, the 22nd- 25th. SD knows about the shower and already has invited some of her friends who RSVP'd because it is DH's time per their ongoing 7+ month verbal agreement.

To be honest, DH didn't handle it well and kinda got all emotional texting BM back and told me he was going to ask SD what she wanted to do and even contact GBM. I told him to STOP TEXTING BM and calm down. Only 5 more years of the power struggle. Let the show begin!

On an unrelated note, I'm officially in the 3rd trimester and am loving my new job. SD was pleasant when she came back from Ireland, thankfully, and we had a good weekend with her when she got back on Saturday.

Also, the original CO states DH has SD from 3-8pm on Thanksgiving. Can this alone prevent BM from taking her out of town?

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CO always stands, regardless

CO always stands, regardless of a verbal agreement.

So what about the 5 hours he

So what about the 5 hours he's legally obligated to on Thanksgiving? BM texted him "thanks for understanding" like she can just do what she wants.

He could make an issue out of it...

He could make an issue out of it, because that time is his according to the court order.

BM doesn't care what the

BM doesn't care what the original CO states. Reminding her of what it says won't matter to her. Dad would have to file contempt blah blah and totally not worth the financial output nor is there time.

I find this stunt on her part to be totally selfish and unnecessary... plan a 'vacation' n Dad's time and right after the kiddo just got back from a ten day or so vacation... and n top of that, SD has already invited friends to attend the baby shower. So what, is the kid now planning to call all her friends and uninvite them because she wants to go see "snow and Santa"? That'll go over big with her middle school friends, lol.

Who had SD last Thanksgiving? Whether the school break or just the day? I'm betting BM did.

And since when does BM get to just text and inform? She's banking on Dad rolling over and being a wimp. Afterall, he usually caves when it comes to what SD wants. He claims he just wants SD to be happy. Bleh. Yeah, I 'get it' , all parents want their kids to be generally overall happy.... but in this case, SD already committed herself and she invited friends to an event. What would Dad be teaching her if he just shrugs his shoulders and lets her dump her previous commitment because something 'better/more fun' came up?

I'd let her go to the silly get-away with BM with the strict clause that she is expected to be present on your door step by 8 am on the morning of the 24th. No exception. Not one minute late. She has guest arriving.

Funny you posted, DH just

Funny you posted, DH just said he's going to ask SD what she wants. GBM and her husband are also attending so maybe she can talk some sense into BM. But yes, there are at least 5 kids including a school friend that are going purely to see SD.

And last year, BM let DH have SD from 10am Thanksgiving until Saturday, I think? I have it written down at home.

Heh. I got so tired of the

Heh. I got so tired of the push-pull with Killjoy, my new policy is to force her and BM together as much as possible. They can't have it both ways. If BM is the mom when Killjoy wants to be an ass to me, then BM is the mom when Killjoy has plans with her friends. Despite what a psychopath BM is, we now give her as much extra time as possible. BM is so oppositional, she tries to figure out what we want, and do the opposite. She's very confused now that she is encouraged to have extra time. BM doesn't want it, but we tell SD she has to go, and BM is not willing to go on record saying she doesn't want her. So they get to go be miserable together.

Enjoy your party without SD. Let her and BM have a joyful mother-daughter outing. SD will resent her mother for it.

I don't even know what I want

I don't even know what I want with this situation. It just pisses me off that BM tells DH "thanks for understanding" like he is expected to accommodate her every whim.

Well how convenient of BM to

Well how convenient of BM to make that plan at the exact same time as your baby shower! Not transparent what she is doing at all?!?! She is so freaking clever!

Honestly, if your SD is anything like mine I would be glad she isn't at the baby shower. SD didn't come to mine and it was nice and peaceful without her trying to reign in all the attention. I think you should have her and BM call the friends and explain that they made other arrangements for that day so SD won't be at the baby shower as she had planned to be for a month now!

It's so convenient! And if SD

It's so convenient! And if SD does end up going with BM, she will call her school friends and tell them to stay home that day.

It is a typical HCBM move! I

It is a typical HCBM move! I'll plan something "better" so naturally the kid will want to do that instead and then if the other parent says no they are the bad guy. I can't stand the fact that women get away with this crap! I know it is super frustrating. That is a move right out of the BM I deal with's play book. I love how they think that no one is smart enough to figure out what they are up to. Definitely make her cancel with the friends and explain why.