Just wanted to hear the different pick up/drop off scenerios your SO's have had to do with your SKids. What seems to be the best way to avoid drama and bs?
It's court ordered- Pickups and drop-offs are at school whenever possible. We drop them off at school, BM picks them up from school on her day (once every 2 weeks). She then drops them off at school Monday morning- we pick them up from school that day. If it's summer or they are off of school- either she drops them off at our house, or my SO picks them up from her house, but always outside (BM doesn't come to our door, my SO doesn't go to her door), and we have no interaction with her. SS12 usually tells us what time BM will pick them up/drop them off, and vice versa, but it is supposed to be around 3pm, which is when school would normally end. If absolutely needed, it is communicated on the Family Wizard app (also court-ordered), since Crazy is blocked on our phones.
In my case, we've gone by school times so it's a lot better. Once a month I have to pick my son up to take him to sport when I don't have the whole weekend.
Parent getting the parenting time is responsible for pick up. Pick up at school means kid has to drag all his stuff with him to school (where he can lose/have stolen). Unless you have duplicates, he has to bring his clothes, stuffed animals, etc to school. Really not fair, imho.
Kids shouldn't have to pack a bag to sleep at their own (parent's) house. That's unfair. Kids shouldn't experience tension or arguments at pickup/drop off. That's unfair. School exchanges mean less drama for everyone. Much healthier situation.
Independently and seperate ....that is how you do it.
BM's home is her home, her rules, her clothing. Dads home is his home, his rules, his clothing in drawers for kids there. Wash kids clothing they came with at to your house and THAT is what they wear home to other parents house.
Maybe mom doesn't want the kids to have electronics..and dad does. Whelp, stuff at dads stays at dads. Same for phone, if dad does not want his 2nd grader having a phone it will then stay at MOMS house. Mom cant make dad have it in his house.
Kids do well with 2 separate homes with 2 separate dynamics post divorce.
WEll it might not be fair, but then the kids dont have to listen to the bm scream every cus word in the world to DH in front of the kids and get them all crying. we stopped picking them up at BM's house and they started riding the bus over to our house, and riding the bus back to BM's house. skids are all grown up now. BM is 4000 miles away from us.
If is is not long distance visitation why pack anything? The kid just takes their school stuff to school and then to the home they are visiting. They take it back to the other home when they leave at the end of visitation.
I think that far too many people in blended families over complicate what should be very simple.
Keep it simple. They travel both ways in the same clothes. That way there is little risk of things being left at the kid's other home.
It is more complicated for long distance visitation of course. We sent no more than full week's worth of clothes. Usually only a few days worth.. They could wash it. The risk was that if we sent more than that, they kept it and the three younger also out wedlock Spermidiot spawned half sibs by two other baby mamas would end up wearing it in family and school pictures. Even sending him with limited clothes resulted in he coming home in flea market and Walmart clothing when he went in quality name brand clothing. We could not usually send him to them on the next visitation in those clothes because he usually had grown out of them. So we just started billing them for the clothes that they stole. That was fun. Particularly when we bared their asses in court with that. We found that full frontal public humiliation worked well in keeping them mostly under control.
The Skid had us, our life together, our home and our standards. He struggled with the neglect and manipulation perpetrated against him by the shallow and polluted end of his gene pool.
I was picking SS up from school on fridays and the bus stop on our designated weekday, Because I sometimes help my sister in BM town. Well then her and I got into it about grades and hygiene (she picked a day I was PMSing to be stupid, normally I just ignore). Since then, she refuses to send a note for me to pick him up from school and has starting getting off early and showing up at the bus stop to take him into her apartment for a snack or whatever bs reason leaving me and my DD sitting outside, so I just stopped. I told DH I wanted no contact with her at all so if she was going to keep it up he would have to go get SS when he gets off. She’s not feeling it (she would rather spend that time with her bf playing perfect family), but I just don’t have the time or patience for her. I told him when I can go back to picking SS up from school and/or she stops showing up at the bus stop to “give SS something” I’ll happily go back to getting him. I refuse to play into her games.
We do the drop off at school, and then she picks up and vice versa. During summer or holidays, whoever has the kids takes them to the parent receiving them at a CO ordered time (9am), unless there is another time argeed to. Which drives me crazy because it seems like extra communication (which makes me want to rip my face off).
ooooo that kind. welll, it seems to be trendy in some bm's families to do that sort of thing. I could tell you a story but I will leave it right there.
Here is the excerpt from our CO regarding Skid transport for visitation.
The cost of transportation for all visitations shall be handled by the parties as follows: Each party shall be responsible to provide transportation to bring the minor child from the child’s location to the party’s location. For example, Mr. DickHead shall arrange and be responsible for the child’s transportation to Mr. Dickhead’s residence for visitations. Petitioner shall arrange and be responsible to provide transportation back to her residence. This may include any acceptable transportation including transportation by grandparents. Each party shall cooperate in making travel arrangements for the child’s return, including driving the child to the airport, if necessary.
In short.... they were responsible for getting him to them for visitation and we were responsible for getting home to us after visitation.
We used this as a stick to beat the snot out of them with when they got shitty or tried to manipulate. When they were fairly cooperative we would buy a round trip ticket for SS to travel to and from SpermLand and we would split the cost with them. They had no credit cards so we would buy the ticket and they would send us a check for their half. When they were being shitty... we told them to buy their own damned ticket. When that happened they often would forego visitation since the cost of a one way was higher than splitting a round trip with us. The money was never a big deal to us. We only split the round trip with them to facilitate SS seeing that half of his gene pool.
I made a commitment to him when his mom and I married (he was not yet 2yo) that I would never prevent him from having a relationship with his SpermClan or interfere in that relationship. I never did. Their choice to not take a visition or inability to afford the tickets was on them. On several occassions we even paid for their half of the travel if it had been too long since they took visiation with SS. It pissed me off to do it but I did it when I felt it was best for SS.
I advise following whatever is in the CO as closely as possible. If it is not in the CO... get it put in. This minimizes maniplative crap from the toxic blended family opposition.
Our biggest change from the “standard” order is that SO picks up directly from the school on Friday if schools in session. If it were possible I’d prefer we have them through school starting on Monday but that wasn’t possible for us.
Look into easy ways avoid direct contact during exchanges if you’ve got any conflict going on. School is an easy way to do that. It's not odd for the kids or really any extra stress on anyone compared to some extremes that people have to go to.
Yep we also do the school pick up and drop offs. In the summer she picks her up from our house when I'm home and DH is at work. I send her outside as soon as she pulls in the driveway. Sounds petty but if she even gets to come up on the steps she will start drama so this is the best option.
It's court ordered- Skids are
It's court ordered- Pickups and drop-offs are at school whenever possible. We drop them off at school, BM picks them up from school on her day (once every 2 weeks). She then drops them off at school Monday morning- we pick them up from school that day. If it's summer or they are off of school- either she drops them off at our house, or my SO picks them up from her house, but always outside (BM doesn't come to our door, my SO doesn't go to her door), and we have no interaction with her. SS12 usually tells us what time BM will pick them up/drop them off, and vice versa, but it is supposed to be around 3pm, which is when school would normally end. If absolutely needed, it is communicated on the Family Wizard app (also court-ordered), since Crazy is blocked on our phones.
It's painless and amazing.
In my case, we've gone by
In my case, we've gone by school times so it's a lot better. Once a month I have to pick my son up to take him to sport when I don't have the whole weekend.
Pick up/drop off
Parent getting the parenting time is responsible for pick up. Pick up at school means kid has to drag all his stuff with him to school (where he can lose/have stolen). Unless you have duplicates, he has to bring his clothes, stuffed animals, etc to school. Really not fair, imho.
Kids shouldn't have to pack a
Kids shouldn't have to pack a bag to sleep at their own (parent's) house. That's unfair. Kids shouldn't experience tension or arguments at pickup/drop off. That's unfair. School exchanges mean less drama for everyone. Much healthier situation.
How do you avoid dragging stuff to school?
So if electronics not allowed at school, do you have two sets of everything? How do you manage?
Independently and seperate ..
Independently and seperate ....that is how you do it.
BM's home is her home, her rules, her clothing. Dads home is his home, his rules, his clothing in drawers for kids there. Wash kids clothing they came with at to your house and THAT is what they wear home to other parents house.
Maybe mom doesn't want the kids to have electronics..and dad does. Whelp, stuff at dads stays at dads. Same for phone, if dad does not want his 2nd grader having a phone it will then stay at MOMS house. Mom cant make dad have it in his house.
Kids do well with 2 separate homes with 2 separate dynamics post divorce.
No reason to make it so hard...
What if older kid
What if older kid, and phone not allowed at school? What if younger kid with favorite stuffed animal.
I guess if you do not care about kid, it is easy.
STaround...that comment is
STaround...that comment is soooo, well, lets say BM HIGH CONFLICT verbiage.."I guess if you do not care about kid, it is easy".
Don't even try that junk with me. That may work with newbies but not with the majority of well respected women AND men here.
Typical comebacks to say ncp homes dont care about the chillll-dren.
WEll it might not be fair,
WEll it might not be fair, but then the kids dont have to listen to the bm scream every cus word in the world to DH in front of the kids and get them all crying. we stopped picking them up at BM's house and they started riding the bus over to our house, and riding the bus back to BM's house. skids are all grown up now. BM is 4000 miles away from us.
If is is not long distance
If is is not long distance visitation why pack anything? The kid just takes their school stuff to school and then to the home they are visiting. They take it back to the other home when they leave at the end of visitation.
I think that far too many people in blended families over complicate what should be very simple.
Keep it simple. They travel both ways in the same clothes. That way there is little risk of things being left at the kid's other home.
It is more complicated for long distance visitation of course. We sent no more than full week's worth of clothes. Usually only a few days worth.. They could wash it. The risk was that if we sent more than that, they kept it and the three younger also out wedlock Spermidiot spawned half sibs by two other baby mamas would end up wearing it in family and school pictures. Even sending him with limited clothes resulted in he coming home in flea market and Walmart clothing when he went in quality name brand clothing. We could not usually send him to them on the next visitation in those clothes because he usually had grown out of them. So we just started billing them for the clothes that they stole. That was fun. Particularly when we bared their asses in court with that. We found that full frontal public humiliation worked well in keeping them mostly under control.
The Skid had us, our life together, our home and our standards. He struggled with the neglect and manipulation perpetrated against him by the shallow and polluted end of his gene pool.
Keep it simple.
well...
I was picking SS up from school on fridays and the bus stop on our designated weekday, Because I sometimes help my sister in BM town. Well then her and I got into it about grades and hygiene (she picked a day I was PMSing to be stupid, normally I just ignore). Since then, she refuses to send a note for me to pick him up from school and has starting getting off early and showing up at the bus stop to take him into her apartment for a snack or whatever bs reason leaving me and my DD sitting outside, so I just stopped. I told DH I wanted no contact with her at all so if she was going to keep it up he would have to go get SS when he gets off. She’s not feeling it (she would rather spend that time with her bf playing perfect family), but I just don’t have the time or patience for her. I told him when I can go back to picking SS up from school and/or she stops showing up at the bus stop to “give SS something” I’ll happily go back to getting him. I refuse to play into her games.
We do the drop off at school,
We do the drop off at school, and then she picks up and vice versa. During summer or holidays, whoever has the kids takes them to the parent receiving them at a CO ordered time (9am), unless there is another time argeed to. Which drives me crazy because it seems like extra communication (which makes me want to rip my face off).
BioHo does dropoff; drives to
BioHo does dropoff; drives to our house. 'Ho stays in the car while skid gets out; 'Ho leaves.
DH returns skid: drives to the 'Ho house. DH stays in the car whild skid gets out. DH leaves.
LOL i like that BioHo. Has a
LOL i like that BioHo. Has a catchy ring.
She's the bio-mother and she
She's the bio-mother and she's a 'ho, so.... And I do mean a 'ho. She was selling 'it' for money, clothes, jewelry...
omg lol im so sorry
omg lol im so sorry
ooooo that kind. welll, it
ooooo that kind. welll, it seems to be trendy in some bm's families to do that sort of thing. I could tell you a story but I will leave it right there.
(HO)...lol thanks for making
(HO)...lol thanks for making me laugh
Most exchanges are at school.
Most exchanges are at school. BM does all driving. Drop offs are at home, but BM or whoever drops off doesn't leave the car and skid walks in alone.
Thanks for all the responses!
Thanks for all the responses! FSD is 2!! I can't wait until there is less face to face time.School/Daycare seems to be the best pick/up drop/off plan!
Here is the excerpt regarding
Here is the excerpt from our CO regarding Skid transport for visitation.
The cost of transportation for all visitations shall be handled by the parties as follows: Each party shall be responsible to provide transportation to bring the minor child from the child’s location to the party’s location. For example, Mr. DickHead shall arrange and be responsible for the child’s transportation to Mr. Dickhead’s residence for visitations. Petitioner shall arrange and be responsible to provide transportation back to her residence. This may include any acceptable transportation including transportation by grandparents. Each party shall cooperate in making travel arrangements for the child’s return, including driving the child to the airport, if necessary.
In short.... they were responsible for getting him to them for visitation and we were responsible for getting home to us after visitation.
We used this as a stick to beat the snot out of them with when they got shitty or tried to manipulate. When they were fairly cooperative we would buy a round trip ticket for SS to travel to and from SpermLand and we would split the cost with them. They had no credit cards so we would buy the ticket and they would send us a check for their half. When they were being shitty... we told them to buy their own damned ticket. When that happened they often would forego visitation since the cost of a one way was higher than splitting a round trip with us. The money was never a big deal to us. We only split the round trip with them to facilitate SS seeing that half of his gene pool.
I made a commitment to him when his mom and I married (he was not yet 2yo) that I would never prevent him from having a relationship with his SpermClan or interfere in that relationship. I never did. Their choice to not take a visition or inability to afford the tickets was on them. On several occassions we even paid for their half of the travel if it had been too long since they took visiation with SS. It pissed me off to do it but I did it when I felt it was best for SS.
I advise following whatever is in the CO as closely as possible. If it is not in the CO... get it put in. This minimizes maniplative crap from the toxic blended family opposition.
Good luck.
Our biggest change from the
Our biggest change from the “standard” order is that SO picks up directly from the school on Friday if schools in session. If it were possible I’d prefer we have them through school starting on Monday but that wasn’t possible for us.
Look into easy ways avoid direct contact during exchanges if you’ve got any conflict going on. School is an easy way to do that. It's not odd for the kids or really any extra stress on anyone compared to some extremes that people have to go to.
Yep we also do the school
Yep we also do the school pick up and drop offs. In the summer she picks her up from our house when I'm home and DH is at work. I send her outside as soon as she pulls in the driveway. Sounds petty but if she even gets to come up on the steps she will start drama so this is the best option.
Parent with child drops off.
Parent with child drops off. Parent stays in the car, skids walk from car to house on their own.
Crazy parent not allowed anywhere else on the property or at any time other than exchange time, and never allowed to get out of car.