Hoping for the best this week

SD comes back after school today and it's also Thanksgiving week. Which means 3 extra days off from school that I have to spend with her and one of those days also with in laws. Sigh. Trying to talk myself up that it's not going to be that bad.

On a somewhat related note, BM messaged me this weekend basically asking me to be her free babysitter for Christmas vacation because most of it falls on her week. Um no. Just no.

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Oh yikes. Good luck.

For once the holiday stars seem to be aligning in my favor. We're going away for Thanksgiving...and all skids are coming here to our town to be with BM. Normally that would mean that I'd end up hosting them all at least for 1 day...but nope!!

Then, my sisters in DC and Ohio are both coming to town for Christmas for the same week...and DH's family is doing their celebration two days after my siblings go home. Normally, there is some overlap and I have to miss at least one family event or two in order to accommodate the in-laws and skids.

Crossing my fingers that everything stays as-is...

Oh that's nice! I hope you

Oh that's nice! I hope you have a lovely holiday then. I already looked ahead to when Thanksgiving is next year and both that and Christmas fall on BM weeks next year. So at least I can look forward to that :D

I agree...it's very, very

I agree...it's very, very nice. But I feel like I deserve it after years of DH holiday meltdowns and insistence upon having the skids EVERY year for EVERY holiday - all of Spring Break every year, a summer vacation, all of Thanksgiving, and a full 10-12 days at Christmas, which is over half of the time they have off school.

DH and BM were particularly awful about Christmas. DH would take the week before one year, culminating on Christmas morning...and then take them to BM halfway through the day. The next year, He'd get them the week after Christmas...BM bringing them to him halfway through Christmas Day. They both insisted on having the kids half-time on the actual day. Absurd.

They stuck to this...even though BM's family does a big Christmas Eve thing and so she'd get them Christmas Eve on the years when we had the week before Christmas, and DH's parents always do a 2-day celebration sometime between Christmas and New Year's...so we'd end up having them for even more days on the year's we had them the week before Christmas

One year...I suggested to DH that we always take the skids the week after Christmas...that way he doesn't have to rush around getting them over to BM for their big Christmas Eve thing...and we'd already have them for his parents' shindig and wouldn't have to arrange or negotiate anything. He looked at me like I'd shot his dog. Are you suggesting that I NEVER get to have my KIDS on Christmas Morning?!?!?!?! (Keep in mind...these "kids" were all 8th grade and above when I made this suggestion for more consistency...but no. He'd rather make everyone shuffle around needlessly than give up "Christmas Morning" with his babies.)

Of course, my needs and my family were never considered in any of this. I was just expected to make it work and fit my family in whenever possible around the skid schedule. And there were many events that I missed out on while stewing in resentment about the insane scheduling.

I quit doing that...and just started putting my stuff on the calendar and telling DH: "Would love to have you there, but I'm going with or without you."

Now that skids are grown, he's gotten mercifully more reasonable. I actually shared an article with him about how the best gift parents can give their kids for the holidays is to release them from expectations. For some reason, that really took with him and he sat the kids down and said...you have complicated family structures to deal with. You have grandparents on both sides who make claims to your time and overdo on Christmas, you have a mom, stepmom, and your stepmom's family...and then you'll marry and have to make room for your spouse and your spouse's family, too. So I'm giving you the gift of no Thanksgiving and a very reasonable Christmas. Your mom can have you at Thanksgiving, and I want to see everyone at the same time at some point over Christmas for a meal and gift exchange. You are invited to my parents' celebration...but that's on you...I'm not going to make sure you go.

It's been so much simpler ever since this moment 2 years ago!

It does sound like you

It does sound like you deserve it! I'm trying to make having to deal with this stuff into a positive by being more grateful and really enjoying things when SD isn't around. I'm hoping in the long run it is all worth it but I still have a way go go before she ages out

I need that article for my in laws and grandparents to read! We have 5 different xmas celebrations we are supposed to attend and its miserable trying to get to them all. And the kids are so insanely spoiled that they dont even really appreciate it. SD literally has 7 xmas celebrations and gets elaborate gifts sent from her gma out of state on top of that!

I don't blame you on the NO

I don't blame you on the NO for Christmas week! "BM that is your precious holiday time with your precious SD! I couldn't take that from you!" LMAO!

Lol I almost played dumb and

Lol I almost played dumb and thought about asking if she was wanting to take her for Thanksgiving also to make her panic (since that's on our week). I mean that must be what she was getting at right? That she wants MORE time with her?

LOL, I actually miss the days

LOL, I actually miss the days where BM didn't want me alone with SD and I wasn't good enough to watch her precious little gem! Now BM is way to generous with giving up her SD time and I DO NOT want the extra time at all!

I never had those days. When

I never had those days. When I first met DH BM was planning on moving 4 hours away and didnt want to bring SD with. At the time I thought great, I wont have to deal with BM much. Now I thank God every day she didnt end up moving and I get my every other week of freedom.

Ugh.

Just remember: boundaries, boundaries, boundaries. Also, it’s okay to say “No.”

Make sure BM knows this now. That babysitting over Christmas break is going to be a hard pass for you. The sooner you make this clear, the more smooth sailing it will be for you and yours.

Shes actually asked multiple

Shes actually asked multiple times over the last couple years and it's always been a hard no. Idk why she keeps trying. Although she did ask in a more covert way it was still obvious what she wanted. I think from her point of view it's well shes a stay at home mom she should be able to watch her. And from my point of view it's well this is your kid you chose to have and your responsibility. You want her exactly half time so you dont pay CS you can at least pay for daycare occasionally on your time. That's not on me. Seems like a sense of entitlement to me.