Another update- SD and Instagram
My mom and I talked tonight after work and my sister, who is Instagram friends with SD, was asking her about some disturbing posts from SD. DH and I don't use social media other than Facebook so my sister sent me screenshots of the posts.
They were something along the lines of "do you ever feel the need to ask someone if they still care and want you in their life because it feels like they don't care" and blah blah teenaged BS. Then under the meme, SD said "so depressed because my dad may get arrested" with 14 or so "likes". There were also multiple posts about being "so depressed" and "DM me to help me feel better". The disturbing one was the meme that said "there's a voice in my head that says I'm better off dead".
I immediately showed them to DH and he is so embarrassed. He called our phone carrier and turned SD's cellphone off. He then sent the screenshots to BM with no reply. I'm sure she'll be calling him in the morning. He is also meeting with the investigator tomorrow at his shop.
DH thought SD would be getting interviewed at school but didn't know for sure because he only knows what BM told him. Apparently they WEREN'T going to interview SD if they talked to both parents (per BM) and BM told DH to NOT talk to SD about any of it. But somehow SD thinks DH is going to get arrested? Who put that idea into her head?? I told DH it made no sense for them to talk to BM because she wasn't there on Thanksgiving. He said they wouldn't want to talk to me because I would take his side but we've never been through this so who knows? I am so over this crap.
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Your DH sees posts about his daughter
Your DH sees posts about his daughter expressing suicidal ideation and his feeling is one of embarrassment and not concern? That explains a lot about his relationship with his daughter. Yes, the posts are probably just drama from a teenage girl. However, DH should at least consider the fact that there might be some truth in them.
DH needs to quit talking to BM and SD until he talks to CPS. And CPS may want to talk to you if they feel you might be able to help with the investigation.
Yes, embarrassed because
Yes, embarrassed because whoever is friends with SD now is probably messaging her asking about the situation and I'm sure SD is blabbing. She obviously wants attention. And in this case, I doubt 100% there is any ideation. SD can't even make mac n cheese on her own. She wouldn't know how to take her own life. Believe me. I've suffered from real depression. SD's life is pretty darn easy and someone who is willing to take their own life wouldn't be so candid on Instagram. Someone who wanted to truly take their own life would never resort to bragging about depression on social media.
I had a family member commit
I had a family member commit suicide so I don’t take this stuff lightly. He is embarrassed? And you work in medical field and make such comments? That’s really wrong. Plenty of people with easy life have sucidal thoughts. And how is her life easy with two messed up parents with substance abuse problems? It might look easy on surface but kid will need ton of therapy eventually.
Yes it could be cry for attention but it’s not for you to determine and in fact cries for attention are also signs of problems in child’s life.
Then this certainly needs to
Then this certainly needs to be addressed with SD's counselor and since BM is so determined to keep SD in counseling, she should know. DH isn't even allowed to see SD until it is deemed appropriate, is he supposed to send EMS to BM's house and have SD committed to show he cares? That'll surely ramp up the drama factor.
No he doesn’t supposed to
No he doesn’t supposed to send anyone anywhere but he supposed to be concerned, not embarrassed. And you supposed to not make such statements about a child either. You don’t know what’s in SDs head.
Concern isn't going to save
Concern isn't going to save anyone's life if he's expected to do nothing, now is it?
Edit: in the medical field, people who are a threat to themselves are detained in the hospital with much evaluation. Maybe SD needs to be committed to teach her the consequences of careless posts on the internet.
DH needs to stop listening to
DH needs to stop listening to BM. Of course he can speak to SD, though not about this issue - but a "Hi SD, love you and miss you" would be fine. Just because she may have exaggerated the incident that happened doesn't mean she doesn't love DH and feel worried that he would not love her anymore. After one of my SS's many lies in court, he told his GAL that he was pretty sure that his father hated him now.
I agree that he needs to be more concerned about the suicidal ideation, but at least he sent it to BM, who currently has physical custody of SD. Kids are stupid and impulsive and sometimes they do themselves harm trying to get adults to pay attention, even if they don't really want to die.
And - they may interview you. They interviewed me when DH called CPS on BM.
DH still doesn't know who
DH still doesn't know who made the report but BM claims she got an email from the counselor. I just find it funny that BM can give SD the silent treatment like a child and emotionally abuse her for years but has never been investigated. To be honest, the "better off dead" quote sounds like song lyrics.
That kind of stuff in
That kind of stuff in adolescents is a cry for help - it doesn't mean she will kill herself, but it says something about her state of mind, even if it is song lyrics. No matter how annoying SD may be, she is a kid with a crazy mother and an ongoing conflict between her parents. She is ripe for depression. I know that my SS has struggled with depression since he was alienated from DH. Of course he doesn't connect it to that, because of BM's brainwashing.
Anyway, she already has a therapist, so DH could just call her and tell her what he saw and hopefully she will follow up with SD. I wouldn't trust BM to tell the therapist.
I agree and I plan to tell
I agree and I plan to tell him this. He needs to tell the CPS worker that that should be the real report here and I'm going to tell him to NOT take BM's phone call because I know she'll want to "talk" about it.
Look, we all get sad. That does not equate to depression. Again, I've suffered from it. I couldn't get out of bed and interact with the real world, let alone post about it for "likes" on the damn internet. Ask Aniki. She disappeared for weeks during an episode.
Adolescent depression is
Adolescent depression is different. They often get irritable instead of sad, and they rarely stop wanting to socialize or be on social media. (I am in the child mental health field).
I will keep this in mind but
I will keep this in mind but am not going to act in any way at this point.
My Sd16 has been posting crap
My Sd16 has been posting crap like this since she was 12/13 on IG. She takes random photos and then captions them with thoughts on depression and suicide. Just this week, one of the captions simply read, "Help!" After three or four people commented with great concern offering her whatever help she needed, she replies, "It's just song lyrics. Relax."
My SD definately needs therapy, but her useless mother "can't make her" and therapy only works if the patient works for it. I stopped worrying that she would off herself years ago. It's pretty easy to tell the difference between cries for attention and cries for help if you ask me.
I had to stop talking to one
I had to stop talking to one of my cousins because of things like this when I used Facebook. I would offer meaningful advice and support and after she got a certain amount of comments or likes, she'd magically be better then back to it the next week. It's disgusting. I do not think for one second that SD is depressed and definitely not contemplating suicide.
Well, she probably is
Well, she probably is depressed and confused just like my SD. They both have mothers who have filled their heads with adult issues and interfered with their relationships with their fathers. They also both have fathers who have been either too lazy or too clueless to fix what's going on. That's going to emotionally screw up most kids.
Our SDs need constant reassurance and attention because their parents suck. They definitely need help.
I definitely agree to that
I definitely agree to that and I'm out of cares to give, to be quite honest.
Same. I tried for too long to
Same. I tried for too long to go around her parents and do what I could, but it wasn't much and only served to drive me into stress-induced insomnia. Take care of you and your bump.
Thank you. 33 weeks today!
Thank you. 33 weeks today!
So I have a 13 year old DD
It recently came to light that her BFF was keeping her up late, late at night texting her with her suicide ideation comments and depression talk constantly over and over again. My DD who is an 8th grader for heavens sake kept trying to play mental health counselor to this girl and would try to build up her self esteem and tell her all the reasons she should live, etc. One day it got so bad that she took the text message to the guidance counselor at the middle school and OMG, the drama!!!!!!!
DD was unfriended on all social media from this girl and a bunch of other kids and was labeled an idiot. The parent of this girl had the unmitigated gall to come yell at me that my daughter didn't know the difference between a real suicide threat and a cry for attention and I went off on that man. I told him that I have literally never ever picked up his daughter nor dropped her off at the same house in years and it's never been a parent's house. She's always staying with a grandma or an aunt or a family friend and it's no damn wonder his daughter is messed up and has issues.
But I told my daughter the whole thing pissed me off because I agree 100 percent that this girl was absolutely looking for attention BUT we aren't mental health therapists or counselors and that my daughter did the right thing. I told her if she and everyone always, always reports that behavior appropriately well then, they learn to knock that crap off if they aren't suicidal and if they are, then they get the help they need. Sure enough, my aunt attempted sucide the very next day. She made some weird funny comment to someone at the Social Security Office and they sent the police to her house who found her unconcious from a pill overdose. Thank God they did. I despise people who do that kind of crap for attention when they aren't depressed whatsoever because what it does is it numbs people from reporting behavior that could be or is a real cry for help.
Amen, nowire! My own sister
Amen, nowire! My own sister has done this and when my mom reached out to her BFF, her friend basically told my mom that she's "not at liberty" to talk to her about it. My mom was livid and doesn't even want this friend being around my sister anymore. Now my sister (15) is back in counseling and mad at my mom. You don't get to threaten self harm without consequences but I don't think SD's quote had anything to do with suicidal ideation.
This kind of behavior is
This kind of behavior is pretty common in teens - especially females.
I’m not up to speed with what all went down, but I can surely say that, yes, SD needs to be evaluated. Suicidal thoughts and public cries for attention should never be dismissed. If she is legitimately struggling, then this will hopefully benefit her. If it’s just a game to her, then yes, hopefully a stay in a mental health ward will give her some insight into the severity of her behavior.
I think she’s too young to be on Instagram, personally. I commend your DH for immediately shutting off her phone.
At this point, I would:
- Get SD into some sort of psych evaluation
- Keep her phone off, or allow it to be BM’s financial and emotional burden if SD MUST have it.
- Refrain from communicating with BM as much as humanly possible. Seriously, this has to stop. She’s an extremely toxic person who needs to get a freaking hobby or something. She is nothing but trouble.