High-profile ex wife wants me gone
I've been married to my husband for 11 years. His wife hates me- what else is new?
I am going to admit that I came into his life while they were trying to work things out one last time. I do feel gulity about that but my husband said at the time he does not have any feelings for her anymore. When she found out about me, hell broke loose.
My husband has 3 sons: 16,14,13. She has manipulated the boys into thinking that my husband had an affair with me. I've been labelled as the "other woman" or they prefer to call me "the home-wrecker". They refer to our 6 year old daughter as a bastard-child. They want noting to do with her. They want me out of the picture.
The ex is a self made career woman. Her contact lists includes a lot of rich, powerful people. Even my boss knows of her. She says that of all the people to not piss off, she is one of them. If she wants something done, she will get it done. His ex has destroyed people careers if they 'disrespect her'
I've tried to meet with her to extend an olive branch but she has declined and responded with " I don't interact with the common whore".
They have a CO, but she drops off the boys whenever she feels like it. We have taken her court but the judge just looked at my husband and said that he should consider himself lucky that he gets extra time with his kids. She then told the kids that i'm just trying to get them out of the picture. I have welcomed these kids into our home with open warms.
Husband now feels gulity because she is turning her kids against him. I've already been banned for any of their sport events, school activities. As for holidays, anytime the three of us (me, husband, and daughter) go on holiday, she calls and ask him why isn't he taking his kids?
Husband: It's because it's not my time with them. If it was, they would be coming with us. (Plus I do enjoy when they're not around)
Ex: Explain to our kids then why you don't want them around then and hands phone to the youngest. Youngest went off on him. Calling him a horrible dad. Hands phone to the second eldest- Yelled at husband. The eldest really crushed my husband.
Husband was crushed. He really did not enjoy our vacation at all. She ends up taking the boys to Dubai for a week as a way to make them feel better. She also bought the eldest a 2018 mercedes benz.
The boys are heavily influenced by their mother and she is using them to hurt their dad. The sad part is that they used to have such a loving relationship. As for backing away from his kids, husband will never do that. His biggest fear is that all 3 of his sons will want noting to do with him. He tries very hard to with them but they're just angry. Well their deflecting their hatred of me to their dad.
I thought 11 years in things would change.
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Can't blame her for not
Can't blame her for not liking you as you were the final nail in the coffin of her marriage, but what she's doing to her kids is destructive. Hate the ex all you want but don't let that poison spead to the kids.
Agreed. At the time of their
Agreed. At the time of their split, the kids would have ranged from 2 - 5 yrs old. Alone with 3 kids. Kudos to her for making a success of her career.
I guess you're right
i just wated to try to put water and bridge and become civil with eachother or at least be able to be in the same room.
Water under the bridge?
You do not have the right to demand forgiviness. It is up to the wronged party.
I will rarely defend BM in
I will rarely defend BM in our situation, but I was the final nail for their marriage (not an affair, they were separated but she wanted to get back together) and she doesn’t target me and never tried to turn SS against me. So it’s not an expected reaction. Now, she does hate DH and alienated SS, but she never seemed to blame me.
Difficult Situation
So her DH has an afair and leaves her with 3 kids under 5. If she wasn't tough before that, she had to get tough real quick.
So she leaves kids with dad on her time. Did she need to go to work? Were you stay at home, while she had to go to work. I gather that has stopped as the kids got older.
As kids become teens, they understand more about marital infedility. Wrong for them to call your DD names.
Does dad ever take them on vacations? Or only his DD? Does he rationalize it by saying that their mom takes them on great vacations? He has made his bed, now he has to sleep in it.
She would drop them off
She would drop them off around 5:30pm- when offices are normally close. I was a stay at home during that time. I did welcome them though regardless because she would try to make an issue out of it.
My husband does take his sons on vacation. Sometimes without our daughter. He wants to bond with his sons. He did noticed that his sons were a lot happier when it was just the 4 of them.
In reality, you ARE the
In reality, you ARE the "other woman" and "the home wrecker," especially to the BM who was cheated on, and now to her sons When your DH's sons were young, they wouldn't have understood this. Now that they are old enough to understand, and the BM is obvioulsy letting them know what went on, they're understandably angry with their father and with you. Perhaps as they get older, and understand that not everything is black and white, they'll forgive their father and they can resume a decent relationship. Right now, it looks like your DH is just going to have to tough through this. There's not a lot of reasoning with teens, and these teens are likely hearing their mother's side of the divorce story and it's not pretty.
Seems like you’ve gotten a
Seems like you’ve gotten a little bit of grief here with your story but I feel for ya. It’s been 11 years and you have a child together - you aren’t some mistress he’s visiting on weekends, your his wife. How does your DH handle the name calling (of yourself and your child). That would be my main concern.
The skids will be angry until BM stops being angry or they grow up. And as for BM she can go pound salt. I’ve had to work really hard on letting the crap BM says about me go in one ear and out the other. Same with the making it equal vacation and car .... not your problem if she wants to spoil them.
All you can do is support your DH when she pulls that crap (like the phone calls about the vacation), it’s sad and damaging to everybody. Unfortunately a lot of the BMs, discussed here at least, either don’t realize or don’t care that their anger is hurting their children more than your affair and new child ever could have. Given their ages the only way they know about it is because someone told them. My parents split, in similar circumstances, when I was a child but fortunately they always got along and let go of the past. I never even found out till I was much older and from my grandma - and I couldn’t care less.
As for the courts, are you saying it’s 50/50 but BM randomly drops them to you on her time and a judge told your DH to be thankful for the extra time? F that, and even if your a stay at home mom in no way are you required to ever look after your skids unless you want too. In no way does BM having to go to work make you her automatic babysitter, her needing child care is not your problem. (I don’t even remember if that was a thing from your post or I picked it up reading comments).
I don’t agree with or condone
I don’t agree with or condone affairs at all. Ever. BUT, that doesn’t give this woman (BM) the right to alienate her children from their father.
Was she wronged? Yes. Do I agree with it? No. But her marriage was between her & OP’s DH, not OP herself. It’s easy to lay the blame at OP’s feet (and she does have a part to play), but OP wasn’t married to BM, DH was.
It STILL doesn’t give BM the right to do what she’s done to these boys. Alienation is alienation, regardless of cause, and alienation is abuse. It’s wrong, and no matter how angry she is she’s done her kids an enormous disservice by poisoning them against their own father.
"You do not get to revisit
"You do not get to revisit history and rename and reclassify your actions simply because time has passed and you feel that you have been stigmatized long enough."
I wish I could like this one million times.
Sure .... but it’s pretty
Sure .... but it’s pretty inaccurate. If that’s what OP was doing known of us would have even known that she was involved with her DH before his marriage was over.
My BFF's husband cheated on
My BFF's husband cheated on her, divorced her on a Friday and moved his mistress in that Saturday. Their son was not yet 2 at the time. She was hurt and oh so angry at first. Who could blame her?! I wanted to hold him down while she exacted her pound of flesh. But what did she do instead?
She is so strong and so amazing. She found a therapist and went to work piecing her life back together. It took some time, but she moved past the infidelity. She now says it was for the best. She was miserable with him. He was a drunk and did absolutely nothing for their son.
Her ex married his affair partner and they now have a daughter. My BFF coparents with her ex's wife and her son is now 8 years old. She never badmouths her son's father to him and he will never know that his Dad cheated on his mom with his SM. Never in a million years would my friend put that kind of emotional burden on her own child.
THAT is how a healthy person deals with betrayal. THAT is how a good parent moves forward for the sake of their child. That is what it means to love your child more than you hate your ex.
YES. This exactly.
YES. This exactly.
Yes - my friend too. She has
Yes - my friend too. She has let go of the anger at her ex, has found a great new guy, and coparents with her ex even when she'd rather not deal with him, because she knows that is best for her son in the long run. She hasn't told him her ex had an affair, or said anything bad to him about the new woman.
Being cheated on does not give someone a free pass for a lifetime of victimizing the person who cheated on them. Emotionally healthy people don't want to hang on to all of that anger and pain.