IMHO it got worse at least in my case it did, both skids are useless parasites once they turned 18 they didn't feel they had to do anything asked of them, before 18 that happended, now they out and still a drain on my home and society at large.

I wasn't with DH when SS turned 18.  But that's when he got out of juvie after 3 1/2 years for something horrible that no one will discuss.   He lived with DH until he was about 22 when DH finally got fed up with him and evicted him (with police escort) for violence.

IMO, start the remodeling of the bedrooms when college starts, hopefully she is going away for college.  Box up their crap and give it to them.  Don't promise to hold on to it for them, you are not a storage business.  Make your home your home and a place they visit, not spend any quantity of time in.  Once the CO ends, it ends for them too.  Skids are free from following it.  I've read on here that some skids think it never ends and still have visitation into their 20's.  WTF!? you know?  

I'd also pick DH's brain in a casual way and find out what his expectations are so you can be prepared for any fights about this that could come up.  Joint money?  Separate money?  That will come into play big time now if DH has expectations you know nothing about.  

18 means they are legally an adult and all that comes with it.  DH needs to remember that and not baby her anymore if he was in that habit.  

Biggest thing I can tell you at college time is that you CAN NOT BORROW FOR RETIREMENT.  Student loans exist for kids in college and if they have some skin in the game they typically do better than if parents take out tons of loans, thereby sacrificing their own retirement for the skids college experience.  Don't let DH fall into that trap.  It can ruin your future.  

Skid was living with us fulltime and it got worse because he had the attitude that he was an adult and could do whatever he wanted. But he didn't think he had any adult responsibilities like paying for his own cell, car insurance, rent, etc. By the time he was 20 he was kicked out of our house only because if DH didn't do it then he was to leave with his son. 

It's a better now but DH still babies him even though he is 24 years old. 

When Toxic Feral Eldest SD now 19 turned 18, and a few months later graduated high school, she stayed with us over the summer, took summer classes, got a job with graveyard shift, then ghosted us, saying she was "staying with her manager-friend". Left her room with all her trash, all dirty and disgusting. This was 1.5 years ago.

So, come the next January (this year), I decided to "clean it out". Six bags of trash, 5 bags of stuff that I kept out of respect, 4 bags of donation. An empty whiskey bottle, bloody pads.

Its now a lovely little office that I have installed a fish tank in, many plants and a writing desk, and my clothes hanging in the closet. I can watch sunset and chill. The door is off so anyone can come by and visit. 

Of course, Toxic Feral got mad that "her room" is now "my office". LOL. I guess we should have kept it for her. Especially after finding out how she really feels about us (detailed in previous blogs)

Hubby had sole custody as mum had kidnapped the 2 daughters and ran off.

hubby wanted ss to go to college/university so he was fine during university breaks that he come stay home. Ss couldn’t care about anyone but himself, is not dependent, ignored everyone and our 2 kids aged 1.5 & 3 are terrified of him. 

His behaviour has gotten progressively worse, he blames his dad for everything about his behaviour, attitude etc instead of accepting responsibility for his actions. He chose to behave the way he does, no one put a gun to his head to behave that way

recently hubby got to a point why should his son be going to university and hubby paying him an allowance to help woth buying food and books etc when he lacks basic life skills that my 1.5 & 3 yr old already show...

it doesn’t get easier and sad thing is alot of these skids couldn’t care less and are happy that they abuse their stepparent and step/half siblings

And I think this is par for the course.  Skids think when they are 18 they should be treated like adults but revert back to children when they want something - and the double dance shuffle goes on far into adulthood.  They WANT respect but fail to see it is a two-way street.  They want you to support them like they were when they were children but won't accept boundaries or rules because they are grown up now.  Ya, it's a ball!

Eventually, there comes a 'reckoning' where they either try to work it out with you or the situation gets worse and they wind up living with the consequences of their actions.

Then there is DH who still sees them as little kids when they are big enough to burn diesel.  And he shrivels up to the threat of alienation.

And finally YOU have to be the one to take action - even though you had nothing to do with the total dysfunction in the first place.  But you do it, and then dodge the fall-out for a while until there is a new 'normal'.  Life goes on, a bit different than expected but things do work out in the end.

I agree totally - do not take from your retirement to finance a college education - especially if you know in your heart that they wouldn't be paying for your eldercare in the future.

If they are not a full-time resident in your house, stake a claim and remodel that space as soon as you can.  Then when they visit let them sleep on the hide-a-bed in your new office.  The best thing I ever did was not give SD a bedroom in our home.  She always slept in the guest room or the family room.

Does CS continue while she is in college?  If so then no plane tickets from the NCP unless the NCP lives distant from the CP and the Skid is visiting.

IMHO of course.

18+ Year olds living at home abide by the household rules stipulated by those who provide the home.

If they don’t like it they can GTF out.

Keep it simple.

With ours, we worked his ass off until he launched.

I'd happily pay for airfare just to have them out of the house...*biggrin*