I’m apologizing in advance for this lengthy post, but I’m at my wits end and wondering how much longer I can go on like this.  Almost 4 months ago I moved from the Northeast to the South to live with my boyfriend of 3.5 years.  The move had been a year in the making because I was waiting to get a job first.  In a matter of 3 weeks I had 2 phone interviews for a job and a week to be packed and relocated- so though the move had been planned over the last year, everything happened very quickly once a job offer was made.  My boyfriend got divorced in 2014 and in his divorce it was 50/50 custody but he chose to take care of the 2 minor children 100% because their mother was a deadbeat claiming she couldn’t work due to debilitating migraines.  The only minor child left is his 17 year old daughter and a year ago she began staying with her father full- time because for whatever reason the ex-wife could not seem to get the daughter to work or school.  

When I moved in back in October 2018, my goal first & foremost was to be a role model to his daughter- someone she could learn from and look up to.   I never moved in with the intent of being her mother or replacing her mother because she has a mother.  Her mother is a deadbeat so my boyfriend is the mother & father.  When she chooses to be anything to her daughter, she treats her like a best friend.  

One of the first things I noticed when I moved in was his daughter was untidy and not just untidy but pig sty like.   She also doesn’t take care of anything and is very destructive.  So here I am living in a house where everything is spotless except her room and the main bathroom.  I made the decision since I was “new” to living there that I would turn a blind eye.  Not even a month into moving there my boyfriend accidentally found out his daughter was pregnant and had a miscarriage the week prior.  The ex-wife knew, but she partnered with the daughter to keep it from her father.  When he took away all privileges, she could not understand why he was mad.  My boyfriend does not do social media, but we found out through her Facebook page that she’s baby crazy and determined to get pregnant.  Naturally he was angry because he had told the mom years ago to get her on birth control, but she could not be bothered.  

A week before Xmas she finished school early and since that time all she does while we are at work is sleep all day, eat and post on Facebook.  She won’t get a job and she had no intention of going to college.  In the month she’s been done with school I get increasingly displeased at the situation I see going on because I’ve told my boyfriend many times that I’m not supporting her being a deadbeat.  The way I view things is any bills I pay that contribute to her being to use as a luxury, I’m supporting her being a deadbeat.  Things really came to a head last week when I got home from work and though she was home all day, the mail was still in the mailbox, the garbage can from garbage pickup was still at the end of the driveway and packages that were delivered were still on the front step.  When my boyfriend got home I told him the situation was getting out of hand and the only thing he said to her was “you’re going to have to start doing more around here”.  A couple of days later 2 packages were going to be delivered and my boyfriend told me to let him know when I got the delivery notification - I guess he was going to call her and let her know to retrieve them when they were delivered.  It annoyed me because on top of everything else simple things she should know to do he has to tell her everyday- clean the dishes you left in the sink, pick up all the crap you have on the bathroom floor (yes there’s so much crap on the floor in the bathroom you must step over stuff to maneuver yourself around). 

Before I moved I told my boyfriend I would be getting a dog.  Initially he was against it because he had brought his kids dogs but he ended up taking care of them.  Last year his daughter asked to get a dog, but he said no and told her she’s about to turn 18 and embark on this new journey into adulthood instead of telling her she couldn’t because she’s not going to take care of the dog.  Of course she paired up with the mother and got the dog anyway but my boyfriend would not allow her to bring the dog to his house so the dog stayed with her mother.  2 months ago the mother moved out of her apartment and moved with her older daughter (my boyfriend is not her father)and asked my boyfriend to keep the dog for a couple of months.  He refused and his daughter got mad.  Fast forward to now I’m looking to buy my dog now but my boyfriend keeps making excuses or ignoring me.  I know this is because he doesn’t want his daughter to feel some kind of way about her not being able to have a dog at the houses but I can.  

Now it’s gotten to the point where his daughter will walk past me in the house and not speak, but she’s smart enough to do it when he’s not around.  She will be 18 in 2 months but has the maturity of a 12 year old.  Even before I had moved my boyfriend was having problems with her and told me once she turns 18 he’s sending her to live with her mother and let her deal with her.  Then other times he speaks as if he’s going to let his daughter stay there as long as she pleases.  I understand it’s his child but if he plans to let her stay past 18 I don’t understand why she hadn’t been told to get a job or go to school and do something with her life.  I’ve gotten to the point where if things don’t improve I’m moving out.  HELP!!!